tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post2683299418820214842..comments2024-03-05T23:31:44.106-08:00Comments on Gay Family Values: Coming Out Late In LifeGFVhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02950236433262366445noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-39637578521637894602016-04-03T09:44:56.373-07:002016-04-03T09:44:56.373-07:00I was a married women who fell for another women. ...I was a married women who fell for another women. How can this be, how is this possible was my reaction?! I always had feelings for women and kissed a few every now and again but never considered myself a lesbian or even bi. But after 15 years of marriage a women walked into my life and I could no longer deny what was obvious, I was attracted to women, I'm gay. My husband a loving, dedicated, faithful, and great father didn't deserve this, but I also couldn't continue to struggle with these feelings. I was miserable in my marriage and making everyone else around me miserable, so I had to come out...and I did. To my family, friends, and some coworkers. <br /><br />I'm now in a long distant relationship with a women who I love, but now that I'm out, I feel alone. I've never met anyone that's gone through what I have. I went to a lesbian gathering in Chicago but felt like an outsiders, as if I didn't belong. I've only read about my experience in books, and no where else. <br /><br />Once you come out, then what do you do? How do you find a new community of friends where you can be yourself and be accepted without judgment because you were once married. Cece from Chicagonoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-76249936468783637472016-01-17T08:24:28.768-08:002016-01-17T08:24:28.768-08:00I am 75 years old and am now in the process of com...I am 75 years old and am now in the process of coming out. When I was growing up, gay was weird, bad, sinful, illegal. Despite my doubts about my sexual orientation and some experimenting in men's rooms in college, I married, had two daughters and pursued a successful career.<br /><br />After 40 years of marriage my wife discovered some gay porn in a back closet and her pain and anger erupted. I felt guilty, ashamed and afraid that she would "out" me and destroy me. We sought couples counseling. It was clear the marriage was over and that her upbringing and strong moral sense precluded much hope of assuaging her rage. She screamed that she hoped that our grown daughters would never have children and carry on my strain. Our daughters are grown and in successful careers. One is even happily married. The other is still dating.<br /><br />We divorced. I pay a sizeable monthly alimony. She remains in our former house. However I am fortunate to be healthy, have a profession I love and still can practice. <br /><br />I then entered what I think of as a "late onset adolescence", experimenting and trying to do all the "forbidden activities" But I still did not "come out"<br />I entered psychotherapy a year ago and have been amazed at how harsh and judgmental of my self I can be.<br /><br />The internet sites like this one and "Out Late but Great" have provided a link to learning that I am not alone.<br /><br />Also I recently joined "Prime Timers" a group of men in my city who are more or less my age, gay and out. Some have been married with children and grand children. Others in long term relationships and some, like me, living alone. The members are supportive, provide some regular activities where I feel fully relaxed and welcome.<br /><br />I mention them as a resource and decided to tell a bit of my story as a way of thanking you and them for providing information and support.<br /><br />Hopefully next year , if I write a response, I still won't feel compelled to remain anonymous.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-70522039003262391972015-03-10T16:24:59.800-07:002015-03-10T16:24:59.800-07:00I know that I don't know you or your circumsta...I know that I don't know you or your circumstances and I don't believe that there's a universal answer to every "coming out" situation but I'm deeply saddened reading your post. <br /><br />Today I made a decision that I have to come out to my religious parents. I'll be doing that at 26, which is older than most young people coming out in 2015. I have no idea how I'm going to do it (I find it hard to breath when I even think about it) and I already know the response that I'll get. Still, I know in my heart that I have to do it. It'll hurt my mother very deeply and I love her very much but I can't continue living a double life. I fear every day what living that double life is doing to me psychologically. I can only imagine what doing that for twice my years has done to you and how hard that must have been sometimes. <br /><br />I really urge you to stop giving strength to your pain. Life is not a dress rehearsal and you're not obligated to make yourself unhappy so that other people, most of whom don't matter anyway, can continue feeling comfortable in their belief that everything works the way they expect it to. Choose to be true to yourself - nothing else matters if you can't be. <br /><br />Lucas<br />UK<br />reawakened@ymail.comAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-9221433971596746272014-10-19T17:48:22.767-07:002014-10-19T17:48:22.767-07:00I envy your freedom! struggling at over 50 wishin...I envy your freedom! struggling at over 50 wishing i could come out and juat be me. Unfortunately that wont fly.in my work engineering and managing road construction.. Have worked hard for my career. I too rely on an ex gf to cover for me - at work and with friends at home. i know its wrong to keep it under wraps, pretend to date woman,., talk with the guys about em all the while thinking of a man. Im between a rock and a hard place (npi) but i will wait and move far away when i retire to start a life out of the closet. Thanks for a great post.<br />Chris <br />SW FLAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-62268052035108693352013-11-08T19:46:57.402-08:002013-11-08T19:46:57.402-08:00I am 55 years old and came out a couple of months ...I am 55 years old and came out a couple of months ago. I knew I was different since I was 13 years old and fought against my true nature for the next 42 years. My very close friends knew but I have decided to be out at work and with other friends. It has been a whirlwind of emotions and throw in a crush and I was absolutely nuts. My ex-girlfriend has become one of my biggest allies. She has helped me to stay grounded even though at times I ignored her. Thank youyyzyyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17494229937789973441noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-82838903250450856462013-07-05T13:53:07.595-07:002013-07-05T13:53:07.595-07:00My husband told me he was gay 3 weeks ago after 28...My husband told me he was gay 3 weeks ago after 28 years of very happy very sexual marriage and two teenage children. I am devastated. Believe me, I wished he hadn't married me, I would have been quite happy to marry a heterosexual man and not have the crippling pain. His freedom is my prison. I feel too old to start again, have lost trust in men and lost the love of my life, and no, being his friend will not compensate for the fact he is walking away. I feel like he has died and if I didn't have children I would happily die.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-33413210358573442572013-04-27T09:24:36.365-07:002013-04-27T09:24:36.365-07:00Bryan,
Your video really touched me. I have felt ...Bryan, <br />Your video really touched me. I have felt all those things you have mentioned, including a bigoted father who felt that all gays have something seriously wrong with them, and should all be shot. <br />I'm 60 years old and have been closeted all my life. I was married for 10 years. Getting married seemed to be the thing to do at the time, hiding my true feelings and living a lie. The marriage ended in a bitter divorce, with me custodial parent of 3 children, that I adore, and centered my life around. Getting married does not make one "not gay". Having children doesn't make one "not gay". It's just all a pretense, hiding my true feelings. Now that my children have grown, I've decided to become what I really am. For me, coming out has been a slow and painful process. It started when at work, when someone knew someone who saw my personal ad at a dating service. When asked about it, I did not deny it, just told the truth. Fortunately they were surprisingly accepting, with a little teasing, of course, but it's ok. <br />I've met a wonderful man who I just adore, and I know he has feelings for me as well. I've been seeing for a year, and I'm hoping for a life time arrangement. <br />I still have not told my family, or my children for fear of rejection. My parents have passed away. I know my mother (mothers always know) would have accepted, but the words of my father still taunt me. I have vowed that after my parents have left, I would come out to the world. I envy people like you who can be so open and candid about it. I cannot commit to any relationship until this is resolved. Maybe I'm just making it hard on myself, and it won't be the "baptism of fire" I'm imagining it to be. Don't I deserve happiness in my life?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-24592954831092846752013-02-14T17:02:52.307-08:002013-02-14T17:02:52.307-08:00These are amazing stories. I am 62, but have know...These are amazing stories. I am 62, but have known I was gay since I was 28. Coming out has been a decades-long process for me. I came out to 4 straight people when I first discovered I was gay. All but one of them had a 'fit' so i decided I'd never tell another straight person for as long as I live. It was until 20 years later that I finally told my sister and an aunt and uncle then a few years later, my mother. They were all OK with it. My father who passed away only 5 years ago, was anti-gay so I never told him. Finally, I found a partner whom I figured would be for life, so I told my brother and most of my closest friends. I am not out to the 'false friends' who call themselves 'Christian' but still hate gays and am not out in my workplace. I left my gay-hating Catholic church several years ago to go to a similar but much more accepting Episcopal church.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-78396257744725130262012-07-22T14:12:50.211-07:002012-07-22T14:12:50.211-07:00Brian,
This is amazing :) My dad recently came ou...Brian, <br />This is amazing :) My dad recently came out after 24 years of marriage to my mother. So this is an issue that touches close to my heart. I am actually a graduate student in Communication Studies. I am looking to actually conduct a study regarding how identities are formulated after someone comes out later in life. There has been little to no research or even media regrading this even though it's a very important and unique issue. I am looking for people over the age of 30 when they began the coming out process. If you know of anyone that is interested please email me at a.fiebrantz@ttu.edu <br /><br />I hope it's appropriate that I posted this here. I am not trying to advertise any business or anything. I am merely an ally and a daughter of an amazing gay man. I've seen his struggles as he has come to terms with his identity and merely looking for others to begin research in this field. <br />Thank you so much for your time. <br />AlyAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-86014655061970487082011-10-01T18:17:13.713-07:002011-10-01T18:17:13.713-07:00I am 48 and I just came out a few months ago after...I am 48 and I just came out a few months ago after 20 years of marriage and two kids. My wife is the one I have to thank for pushing me out. She knew the turmoil I was in and told me I was gay, even before I could admit it to myself. I take comfort in knowing that I am not a freak, that there are others like me. I am so glad that I stumbled upon this site.Kevinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-69438420128388872582010-07-04T15:29:48.171-07:002010-07-04T15:29:48.171-07:00Bryan - I see what you mean, man. I was mostly ven...<b>Bryan</b> - I see what you mean, man. I was mostly venting, because I think that, no matter the scenario, the burden of offering support is unfairly laid on gay people's shoulders.James Figueiredohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281007632591613192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-29507844521114171622010-07-03T09:42:04.823-07:002010-07-03T09:42:04.823-07:00Coming out sets the soul free.
Being out changes m...Coming out sets the soul free.<br />Being out changes minds. My partner and I are completely out not only to friends and family but also at work and everywhere else. I cannot tell you how many minds we have changed. I can't tell you how many times we have heard.."But you guys don't seem gay!" People rely too much on stereotypes. Especially when we are fighting for our rights at ballot boxes it is so important to be who you are.<br /><br />We recently left the United States and upon return we had to fill out the return immigration card. In the rules it said something like.."If you are in the same family you only need to fill out one card." We did. I can't tell you how empowered we felt when the customs agent said.."What is your relationship?" and I said.."He is my partner..we have been together for 19 years" The agent just smiled and said "Welcome home guys.."Jim Stonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12387924451130690320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-55867315843758731512010-07-03T09:32:22.800-07:002010-07-03T09:32:22.800-07:00How can I thank you enough for being the wonderful...How can I thank you enough for being the wonderful people that you are. This is a beautifully written article. When I thought of starting OutLateButGreat I had no idea that it would be so warmly received or if anyone would even be interested. My muses were definitely at work. Thank you for your kindness here and helping people find us. Sharing love and helping each other along the way is the only way to be! You Rock!!!!Painted Ravensonghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09969948434427788258noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-91227059278893055772010-07-03T09:18:36.408-07:002010-07-03T09:18:36.408-07:00Wow, what a wonderfully written article. And how ...Wow, what a wonderfully written article. And how can I thank you for promoting our channel. The muses definitely led me to start this collab as I would have had no idea of the outpouring of support that would happen. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness and generosity and for helping people find their way to us...others finding their way later in life!!<br />Love to you and your beautiful family!Michellehttp://www.youtube.com/outlatebutgreatnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-31450561843621230132010-07-02T22:46:30.477-07:002010-07-02T22:46:30.477-07:00@ james I don't mean to suggest that we take c...@ james I don't mean to suggest that we take care of everyone else. you have to admit that coming out to your wife of 29 years is alot different than coming out to your parents. You build a life and a relationship with someone for large chunk of your life...you think that this is it for now and forever...and then they come out. Its going to be unimaginably hard for BOTH of them and thats why I suggest that...IF...you can keep talking and be honest...than mayby with time...that hurt and feeling of betrayal may pass and a bond remain. You have to put yourself in each of their shoes...there really is no easy way ahead.GFVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02950236433262366445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-60725965772739733492010-07-02T21:56:30.793-07:002010-07-02T21:56:30.793-07:00Another GREAT post, Bryan, and another GREAT video...Another GREAT post, Bryan, and another GREAT video, Jay.<br /><br />I came out pretty early, at 18 (I'm now 33), and I did have many obstacles to overcome. I can only imagine how it must be like for people coming out at a later age.<br /><br />But there's something you said, Bryan, that always gets to me:<br /><br /><i>"As much as you are hurting and unsure...they will be tenfold. They will need you."</i><br /><br />I think it is SO unfair that this burden always falls on us. I heard it many times from my parents and siblings when I came out, and...Damn, WE are the ones needing support and understanding at such a delicate time, and yet we are supposed to do the hand-holding for the bigots (even if those bigots ARE our loved ones).<br /><br />I read this man's letter, andhe must be in such unbearable torment, and still he'll have to be stoic and strong and bear the burden of comforting his family. I hope at least that, if and when he comes out to them, his kids are understanding anc can help him and his wife through it.<br /><br />Sorry for the venting, guys, and kudos on another brilliant post!<br /><br />Best,<br />J.James Figueiredohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15281007632591613192noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-25333274485259322782010-07-02T20:19:36.900-07:002010-07-02T20:19:36.900-07:00BRYAN YOU DID A GREAT JOB ON THIS!!!!BRYAN YOU DID A GREAT JOB ON THIS!!!!jojo20to1https://www.blogger.com/profile/08979443220934887590noreply@blogger.com