tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post366398925029260349..comments2024-03-05T23:31:44.106-08:00Comments on Gay Family Values: Has The Negative Stigma Shifted To Being IN The Closet?GFVhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02950236433262366445noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-87297629990537124852010-09-26T08:18:26.196-07:002010-09-26T08:18:26.196-07:00"...no heterosexual person must convey and be..."...no heterosexual person must convey and be expected to talk about sex and intimacy..." Well said, canadianhumility.<br /><br />What happens in private, stays private.<br /><br />Why does the rule changes for gays?Cowboyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16700398252723780578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-79926873735389813942010-09-26T08:12:37.930-07:002010-09-26T08:12:37.930-07:00It is true that staying in the closet in an accept...It is true that staying in the closet in an accepting environment is in some sense, a statement of distrust, that the friendship is not as real as it can be.<br /><br />Then again, in a work environment, how real is any friendship? It is the same reason why office romance should be avoided. A professional environment is best when intimacy is limited. It is one thing to be inclusive, to embrace employee families etc. It is another to demand employees to expose their private lives.<br /><br />I don't see any reason for people to get upset over someone withholding their private life. Indeed, "getting upset" speaks loud and clear why she kept quiet about it. Some friends are not really friends. Real friends are understanding, and accept without question. Coming out is an occasion to celebrate taking another step closer, in trust and in intimacy; it is not the time to make accusations of past mistrust, of past walls that stopped communication.<br /><br />No one should be made to feel bad for their personal life, for decisions concerning their personal life.Cowboyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16700398252723780578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-27477220966957559792010-09-17T21:32:09.896-07:002010-09-17T21:32:09.896-07:00I wonder if some of us remember what it is like be...I wonder if some of us remember what it is like being in the closet. How frustrating and devastating it is to one's complete soul - and how that burden is not immediately lifted once one comes out of the closet.<br /><br />I had forgotten how much it hurt until I moved to a rural community this past summer. For my own safety I feel the need to be closeted here. And it drives me insane at times. There are weeks where my being is crippled by fits of frustration and sorrow, with nowhere to vent except my pillow. And to do so quietly, so that my room-mate would not hear.<br /><br />It is with this consideration that I must point out that we have absolutely no right to judge those who are "in the closet", to be frustrated with them or sense that they do not trust us enough to reveal themselves. This is the power of fear - and it is based on years of experiences telling you that you are NOT ok the way you are. Being anything but patient with people when they are just discovering that they are ok is... making you seem like you are the more important person in that person's big moment. It is absolutely selfish and thoroughly lacking in compassion.<br /><br />I'm hesitant to tell people I am gay. I don't actively hide it and will tell people who ask, but I don't feel it is my responsibility to "flaunt" it in any way. Even as a right of passage, it conveys two messages to society: first of all, it is still ok that there exists a duality of expectation where I, as a sexual minority, am required to "come out" and others, as a sexual majority, are allowed to exist in a presumed heterosexuality. I would rather alter the perception so that what exists is merely a "presumed sexuality", where people don't need to come out but can just be - to make that change in social perceptions, I fight everybody's expectation that I will some day come out of the closet to everybody I know. Not my responsibility.<br /><br />Secondly, it tells the world that my sexual existence is their rightful knowledge; in a way that no heterosexual person must convey and be expected to talk about sex and intimacy, it becomes my responsibility to society. I instantly am a missionary, sharing with the world my sexuality, my preferences, my favourite positions. Once again, not my responsibility.<br /><br />I won't deny that I still do live in some fear of the people and society that I live in, but I also live my life the way I want to, as best I can. That has not required a public "coming out" party - it has required me becoming comfortable with everything that I am, and allowing others to get in on the party. A party to which not everybody is invited.canadianhumilityhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17765821265373068860noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-71690820417775881732010-09-17T11:12:41.182-07:002010-09-17T11:12:41.182-07:00I'm a straight guy. After I graduated high-sc...I'm a straight guy. After I graduated high-school one of my friends in the class below me came out of the closet. I felt very annoyed. Not because I found out that he was gay, but because he never told me. It made me feel like he did not trust me. I felt insulted that he did not tell me before, like maybe he thought I would have a problem with it. When I saw him again after I found out I just gave him a hug and a pat on the back and said "So, this is the real you."Michael Hardinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09610160406709197670noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-46749597486987298122010-09-17T00:22:07.373-07:002010-09-17T00:22:07.373-07:00It realy is interesting to read about the diffence...It realy is interesting to read about the diffences between the UK and the US. It only makes the US feel even more bakwords when it comes to LGBT exceptance.aNorthWestViewhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03598507140332496283noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-77946572383276264252010-09-16T18:52:14.105-07:002010-09-16T18:52:14.105-07:00I make no secret of my being gay at work. In fact ...I make no secret of my being gay at work. In fact when they hire me they knew I was gay. <br /><br />However I do play it close in some places. I was like that at the AG's office. Thing was, 2/3's of my staff knew I was gay. There was just one shrewish woman who through her endless speculating and probing meant I walled her off and would never tell her anything.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-53299773522534899152010-09-16T16:31:51.575-07:002010-09-16T16:31:51.575-07:00p.s....
politicians are a whole different breed b...p.s....<br /><br />politicians are a whole different breed being that they make decisions that affect our lives in very personal ways...it seems to make honesty on their part, so much more an issue.GFVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02950236433262366445noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-587902609826926070.post-45054510964344479612010-09-16T16:30:43.468-07:002010-09-16T16:30:43.468-07:00Craig,
I love this post for its honesty...but wha...Craig,<br /><br />I love this post for its honesty...but what it ALSO points out is just how different the climbate is in the UK for gay men and women. In talking with you I have gotten the picture that a coming out is most often met with a yawn, and then everyone gets on with business...whereas here their is a certain amount of risk taken in coming out.<br /><br />for an accepting environement, I understand feeling a bit slighted by her not sharing that detail of her life with you<br /><br />But...<br /><br />Coming from a society in which acceptance ISN'T the norm, I understand that some people have their reasons for not coming out as well...and they don't neccesarily mean that the person in question is making a judgment about us...perhaps only her castigation of herself.<br /><br />In any rate, its good that everyone was able to talk through it and now perhaps, she will be able to grow beyond her closet walls<br /><br />BryanGFVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02950236433262366445noreply@blogger.com