Monday, May 9, 2011
Who's Your Momma...
I don't know if anyone saw this weeks Modern Family in which they take on Mothers Day. It included a rather funny segment in which same-sex parents Cam and Mitchel get into an argument...well...Cam has a full drama meltdown actually...because Mitchel regards him as the "mom" in the relationship. This sent Cam over the edge because because everyone treated it as if it was his holiday and this was just too much of a threat to
his manhood and it drove him to do those ridiculous things that only people in sitcoms do. It was funny enough to watch on television...until Jay turned to me and said "that is so you. You're the mom in this family. (insert sound of record scratch here).....say what?!
and of course he found every opportunity to drive the point home...including in our Mother's Day video included after the fold.
So really..I'm not going to go all Cam and start doing ridiculously overcompensating actions because I might be perceived as the "mommy". I don't consider it a slight against my masculinity in the slightest. Especially because some of the strongest people I have known in my life were women. That said...I don't regard myself as a mom. I'm a dad and I try to be the best dad I can be with the tools I have at hand. I do however, find it kind of funny that people...and some husbands like mine....take comfort when they can pigeon hole people in "mommy" or "daddie" roles. I guess it makes people feel better when they can imagine June Cleaver in the kitchen while ward sits on his ass in the den. As I stated in the video, the notion that "Moms are more nurturing and take care of the home," while "dads are strict disciplinarians who bring home the bacon" died sometime in the sixties when June burned her bra and moved into a commune. It was a nice fantasy that made for great TV but it sure as hell never represented the majority real life families. But I digress on the social commentary.....
I am the parent who stays at home. I help the kids do their homework, shuttle them to school and extracurricular activities, I bandage the boo-boo's and dole out the healing kisses. And...yes...I am a big softy about some issues that Jay draws a firm line on. Does that make me the mom? I don't think so. I'm just trying to be the bast at-home daddy I can be. Or more accurately...the best parent and sometimes that means you have to wear alot of hats. Doctor, spell checker, psychologist, chauffeur, personal assistant, chef........but never the maid...oh hell no. Pick up your own dam clothes thank you very much. I don't think any of that is a job with a gender, it's just what it takes to keep the barely controlled chaos that is the average home with children from exploding out onto the street. Now I KNOW why my mom occasionally threatened to send my bother and me back to the zoo...occasionally we belonged behind bars. It was just safer for the rest of society. Yet, for all they do every day. Moms make the job look easy....or is that because we didn't stop to recognize the signs of a parent on the edge of a breakdown....Sorry Ma. I can't imaging trying to do all of this AND go to work too...that's a heroic task and not one that I think I could manage. Some moms call that everyday life.
So...I don't care if I get pegged as the "mommy". It actually makes me feel a little bit proud deep down inside....though I will probably never admit it again. I like being a dad. We get to be goofy in all the funnest ways. I have never felt the need to split up what Jay and I do into traditional "mommy" and "daddy" stuff. To me its our life and we are fortunate enough to have two of us to share the load...even if that load comes in diaper form. Mom's can be tough...Dad's can have a gentler side...so why the need to be all one or the other? It never made much sense and being a two dad family, even less so.
To all the mommies out there rockin the mommy job...and all the dads who find themselves in the same boat...and for all the parents who have to be both...I wish a happy belated Mothers Day. Now, if where the heck was my breakfast in bed?....I feel robbed.
Until next time dear readers...