When Does It Get Better For LGBT Seniors?

"It Gets Better"....those are the words we tell every LGBT teen who is suffering alone and trying to come to grips with themselves and their place in a world that can be very hostile to anyone who is different. We tell them..."One day you will no longer be in high school. You will be far away from those who would hurt you for who you are...and there is nothing wrong with who you are. One day you will be out of your parents home and you will be able to make your life what YOU want to it to be."

That is the core of the "It Gets Better" project to me. Not that your life will be all butterflies, bunny rabbits, and magic rainbow unicorns the rest of your days...but that you will be in control of what happens to you and that can make all the difference in the world. You can seek out other gay people and find community, someone to love, and if you are so inclined and laws allow...make a family. The world will still kick us in the teeth(as it does everyone) and it may not always feel better....sometimes it still sucks...but the difference is that you are in control and can make of those circumstances what you will with a great deal more freedom. 

But what happens when we are older? Does it get better still matter when you are 50?....60?....70? I ran into a handful of articles this week that detail some disturbing(though not surprising) facts about gay seniors that have caused me to stop and think about the sentiment behind what we tell LGBT youth about survival and how it applies to growing older gay.

Update: Clay Greene Vs. Sonoma County

Back in April, we reported on the story of Clay Greene Vs. Sonoma County as an example of why marriage equality is an important goal for the gay community. For those of you who don't recall, Clay Greene and Harold Scull were two elderly gay men who lived together for many years, without marriage or domestic partnership, here in Sonoma County California....yet they had drawn up powers of Attorney and all neccesaary documents naming each other as benificiaries of each others estate, clearly defining their relationship to each other. Yet, when an incident occured in which Harold Scull fell from his front steps, requiring 911 to be called....all that documentation came to naught as the county ignored their relationship to each other. Clay Greene maintains that it was accident....that Harold lost his footing. The county however, claims that it was domestic abuse,siting an april 12th police report, and immediately removed both men from their shared home and involuntarily placed them into separate nursing homes....claiming that it was to protect Harold from Clay. The county then proceeded to assume control of Harolds finances, sold their home, and auctioned off their shared belongings. Harold eventually died a few months later apart from his longtime partner Clay Greene. Clay and Harolds cause was eventually picked up by attorney Anne Dennis and the National Center for Lesbian Rights, who now advocates for Clay Greene. They sued the county on the basis that the counties actions were based off homophobia and that a similar scenario would not have occured had the individuals involved been a heterosexual couple. It was a hard road for Clay Greene that has finally come to completion....

Greene Vs. Sonoma County....Why Marriage Equality Is Important

What would you do if, in your golden years, you found yourself suddenly without you life long partner or spouse? Now add to that, county officials swooping in to claim your home and belongings because they do not recognize your relationship as valid even though you drew up all those "iron clad" documents meant to protect against such events. Would you feel rage? Would fight to protect what is yours by right? Who would stand with you?

That is exactly what happened here in my home of Sonoma County to Clay Greene and his partner of 20 years Harold. When faced with a health crisis, the county swooped in, confined them both in separate nursing homes, assumed control of both of their finances, sold all their combined property, and surrendered their home back to the landlord. All the while trying to explain away their relationship to each other as "roommates", even though they all appropriate legal documents naming each other as beneficiaries should something happen to the other. All this resulting in Harolds death three months later leaving clay little more than memories of their life together. Their lives together where very nearly erased....and it happened in my back yard.