“I can’t think of anything worse than being brought up by two gay dads.Some people might not agree with that. Fine! That’s just my opinion." -Rupert Everett
For some of you reading this post, Rupert Everett's opinion about same-sex parenting may be old news by now. After all, the internet has been castigating Rupert for more than a week and that's forever in internet time. Yet as a gay father myself, Rupert's words have continued to ring in my mind...not so much for his evaluation of gay parents, but of Rupert himself. For a man out personally and professionally for a good number of years and in a relationship, you would expect Rupert's experience with gay people to be a little broader. And yet from the tone of his comment, it seems clear that he has never even met a gay parent in real life. If we are the worst that he can think of...then he really needs to get out more.
However, I couldn't give a rats behind about Rupert Everett's opinion about me or my family. Like many people, his opinions(or his mothers) are more fueled by ignorance about gay families than by any fact or experience with them. What troubles me more is that Rupert can maintain this point of view in spite of the fact that he, himself, is gay. And yet....Rupert Everett is not the first person I have heard make some head scratching comment about gay people while being gay themselves. Sadly I have heard things come from gay men that sound like they came straight from the press desk at The National Organization for Marriage. It always makes me wonder how in the hell they can think that way about other gay people as if they are not included in their blanket judgments. And so...Rupert's comments have become the catalyst for me to think a lot about acceptance this week and how we come think of ourselves as gay people before and after coming out. Where does self acceptance come from? Is it from living our lives, out to our family and friends?...or is it learning to define "gay" for ourselves? Lets talk about it...
Society and our culture tell us lots of things about what it means to be gay. Some of it is positive and some is negative. Those messages are as loud and blatant as the condemnations issued by churches and anti-gay activist orgs...and sometimes it's the subtle message behind a gay characters portrayed on T.V. If we aren't hearing about the opinions of gay fatherhood from Rupert Everett...we are hearing about the opinions of gay men on Grindr from Paris Hilton. Everyone it seems, has something to say about what they think gay is. It is this background radiation that, in part, goes into forming our own ideas about gay life as...at least, that is....before we actually start living it and defining it for ourselves.
I have told my own coming out story so many times on this blog. I don't want to restate it all again...suffice it to say that even though I grew up in a part of the world that is considered as liberal as it gets, that did not spare me from internalizing a hefty amount of negative images, stereotypes, and ideas of what my life would be like as a gay man. Before I came out, the nicest thing I had ever heard anyone in my life say about gay people was to refer to them with a sad tone and a mournful nod of the head as lost and misguided souls, in a tone of voice that left no doubt that, even though those people may have been right in front of them walking and talking...they were already regarded as dead. At worst, were the messages from people my age (and yes...my family) that called gay people some of the worst words I know in the English language and made it clear that any violence that ever befell them was their own fault. You know the words, they are older than time..."that f*ggot better not look at me or I'm gonna kick his ass."
Somewhere in the middle of that spectrum were the churches that said the feelings I struggled so hard to bury were a sign of my evil nature. Or the T.V. and movies of my childhood that either made the gay person a crazy person, a murderer, a victim, sad and alone, or the butt of the joke. And politicians...much as they still do today, more often referred to gay people as a fringe element of society that deserved no rights or protections. In fact. they more often believed that society needed protecting from us.
Thankfully, some of this has changed in the twenty plus years that I have been out. I hear coming out stories from people today that blow me away for the clarity they had about themselves early on and for the utter lack of B.S. that they had to undo in order to accept themselves....precisely because I had a lot of baggage to unpack in my way out of the closet. Was I going to be able to find someone to love who wasn't just going to use me? Would I grow old alone? Would I end up lonely, bitter, and alcoholic like everyone seemed to think was the ultimate fate of a gay people, because they also told me that two men couldn't love each other and have it be a real love. I know it's bullsh*t and you know it's bullsh*t.....but the me of twenty years ago didn't. There was just no other view of gay life for me to draw on.
I have heard gay acquaintances state in my presence that, "they don't like hanging out with other gay people." The unspoken implication being we are all sex obsessed weirdo's or catty and image obsessed shrews. Neither being acceptable enough to them to be associated with. To which I can't help but thing, "wow...which category do they think that puts me in then." Or the speaker for that matter.
It is sad to me that we do this to ourselves. It's bad enough that the rest of the world see's a gay person and thinks that they are less than or that the love that we feel for someone of the same sex isn't as real and genuine as theirs. As a person who has come out...at least to yourself....there should be the realization that you are the subject of discrimination by society. You know what it feels like to feel fear, to feel like an outsider. Knowing how that feels, how do you turn that around again on anyone else? I just don't get that.
There is this assumption, that coming out of the closet is a magic pill that changes you from fear and self judgement into one of self acceptance....."Out and proud." That might be true for a portion of us, but for a others of us it takes a while to undo what we were taught about who we are and who we "should" be....and for still others it seems that the widening of our worldview that can come with being out doesn't make a dent in our internalized homophobia. Sometimes we can't quite let go of the homophobia that we have taken into ourselves because then we would have to accept that we are just like the people we have tried to define ourselves as different from. I see those traits in men like Rupert Everett and in Elton John when they have made statements that are so offensive and so patently absurd at the same time. And just as Elton John one day changed his tune about civil marriage when it affected his ability to adopt a child...so to may Rupert Everett suddenly have a change of heart....when it effects him. And, just like Elton, he will suddenly get that it is about discrimination and then have to tap dance his way around his earlier views. Perhaps then he will have to realize that he has become a part of that message that society sends to all gay people that they are not good enough. That is a painful pill to swallow.
There are days when I can look at my husband and family and realize being gay has been a blessing in my life and well worth the internal struggle it took to get here. Sometimes I can see a beautiful man and think to myself how thankful I am to be able to appreciate that beauty(hey, I'm not dead). For so many people it passes, unnoticed. I can look at my life and see how much richness being gay has brought into it that I would never have known had I determined that day(20+ years ago) to just keep fighting it. But it was my experience that created that change. Without getting up the courage to see what the hell was wrong with being gay for myself I would still be fighting it today...and maybe ruining some poor woman's life to boot.
So while coming out does not automatically mean that you will be OK with who you are, we all hope that we learn and grow from the experiences that life throws at us. Rupert Everett has just been lucky enough to get a wake up call. Perhaps he can use this as an opportunity to learn for himself what the truth is about being raised by two dads and maybe in so doing find a little piece and confidence in himself that seems sorely lacking. The world throws enough hate at us as it is.....we don't need to direct any more at ourselves. You may not be able to be screamin out and proud...but maybe you can be out with an open mind and an open heart for what may be because it just may surprise you....... that is just my opinion.
Until next time dear readers....
As another gay dad, I too blogged on Rupert. I have read several other Dads as well...and we seem to be amazingly similar in our reactions, and in our level of hurt. This was not just another ignorant critic. This was one who seduced us years ago into thinking he was stepping out, being visible, and making the world better for us. This time, there is an added level of betrayal. My thoughts here: http://evolequals.com/2012/09/18/a-gay-dad-sounds-off-on-rupert-everett/
ReplyDeleteWell, this Rupert Everett really stepped in it this time. And he getting a widespread and well-deserved verbal smackdown. I hope he uses the backlash to reexamine his views. But I’m curious where his views come from in his own individual case. What part of the country did he grow up in? Was he in a church going family and did he experience similar levels of spiritual abuse that you did yourself, Bryan, or maybe he got it even worse? What were his parents like? Were they socially liberal, middle of the road, or vicious rightwing maggots? He obviously isn’t a Depfox viewer, because he’d then be able to see how a real gay family functions. Other than his family, what were the other people in his life like growing up? All of those factors could have real impact on what a misguided piece of work he is today. What’s also curious is that being in a gay relationship himself and his acting career hasn’t weakened that internal homophobia.
ReplyDeleteHow lucky I was not to have grown up in a rightwing or hyper-religious household and not brutalized by some rabid, foaming mad dog behind a pulpit. I have NO internalized homophobia that I can tell as a result. I now understand that, like me, no one chooses their sexual orientation either and I know my gayness was biologically caused and can be scientifically explained. I have NOTHING to apologize for. And, rather than wallowing in self-hatred as a number of other gay people do or have done, I am absolutely clear on who the REAL enemy is: It’s those freaks on the far right—the Santorum’s, Michele Bachman’s, the Rick Perry’s, Tony Perkins’s, Dan Cathy’s, Pastor Worley’s, Pat Robertson’s, and the list goes on and on….
It’s interesting, Bryan, that you have heard fellow gay acquaintances say that they don’t like hanging out with other gay people. What they probably mean is they don’t want to be seen with someone who is a walking, talking gay stereotype, and a number of possible images come to mind. The closest I personally come to being guilty of this myself is best expressed in a hypothetical I posed to my good friend, Steeldrago, in a private e-mail a long time ago. Assume you live in a city in the center of the country. It could be Omaha, Nebraska or many places like that. Assume a conservative climate and not that many identifiable gay people around that you can run into, let alone an organized, coherent gay community. You’re walking in a store parking lot in route to whatever store when you spot a car with either a HRC “=” sticker on the rear bumper or a rainbow flag decal. Just as you’re getting near to walking by the car, you see the driver get out. If that driver was an ordinary looking person, I probably would stop to introduce myself, refer to the sticker, identify myself as “family” too, and strike up a little conversation. “It’s nice to run into my own. We all need to stick together better.” If that driver getting out was a bear, I DEFINITELY would stop and say hello. And if we end up exchanging e-mail addresses or phone numbers, so much the better. I allude to all the time that I seriously have the hots for bears. But if the guy exiting his vehicle was swishy and effeminate, I would ignore him and keep walking by because he is the polar opposite of what I’m attracted to. This isn’t picking on him or making fun of him. But it does reflect a conscious decision not to involve myself with him when this otherwise is the perfect opportunity to meet and introduce myself to another gay person. Quite a revealing reaction on my part. What this says about me I leave to say.
Britain doesn't have a bible belt. and i can't understand why parents don't teach their kids it's ok to be gay. i grew up in a liberal environment with no religion and i still thought it wasn't ok for me to like the same sex. the silence on these issues does damage too. i wish parents talked to their kids.
DeleteMaybe part of those parents’ silence has to do with information on homosexuality they don’t even have themselves. They may believe you when you tell them you didn’t choose to be that way. But they may well have no idea how overwhelmingly “un-chosen” it is for the entire gay population. And while they might wonder if perhaps you were born that way, they are unlikely to know that a biological cause has been found, at least for the guys, and that the way it actually happens is scientifically explainable.
DeleteTalk about odd coincidences with my parking lot hypothetical. I just returned to my apartment complex from errands and, low and behold, the car are parked right next to had the yellow “=” sign on the purple background and it was on that car’s rear windshield! Nebraska plates, but of a type not from Omaha. Maybe it’s from the rural regions out west. Unfortunately, no one in the car about to get out. Damn!! My timing is improving, but it’s not good enough yet. ;-( The interior of the car was really filthy though with debris and bound-up plastic bags and other garbage. Maybe he emptied out a dumpster somewhere because his car needed extra insulation. :-D :-D Definitely a guy. No woman, gay or straight, would allow her car to look like that. Probably a younger guy, judging by the debris. Probably not a feminine guy either. Any feminine guy letting his car look like that would get his fabulousness license revoked and he’d get exiled to the bear equivalent of Gay Siberia, where fashion sense isn’t exactly a high priority! :-D :-D Ewwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!! :-D :-D Come to think of it, I don’t think I’d necessarily want someone THAT slovenly in my life. I’m not a neat freak, but sitting in that car would make you want to burn your clothing afterwards and then walk through a human Purell car wash so you don’t get lice and other tiny critters! :-D
DeleteI think... Of the unconscious rather than the conscious. The significant bit of ourselves that exists but we are unaware of. It's one thing to come to a realisation that a+b=c but when you've grown up with every significant person and insignificant event telling you a+b=d and that information has sunk so deep into your brain it's unconscious, well, how do you change that?. That's what's going on. It's one thing for Bryan or Rupert or me or anyone to do the math and say "I've looked at what gay is and it's not a bad thing". It's quite another to change that internal feeling that what you are, what gay is is bad and be repulsed by the concept of "gay" or gay people. That's just ridiculas Holly!. Is it?. Is it ridiculas to be scared of spiders when you logically know they cannot harm you?. It's a thing, people are scared of spiders and it's no good pointing out the logic that they are harmless to someone who is. For me, there will alway be an internal struggle to accept that my transgenderism isn't wrong, wierd, disgusting. The best I can say is my own logic has some impressive weapons to fight against my own internal hatred and although I'm never going to win the war with my own unconscious I can hold its troops at bay (most of the time). Maybe other people have won their own internal struggle with their on unconscious but then maybe you haven't after all how many people do you know who we're once afraid of spiders and have completely and utterly got over it?. Hollyxx
ReplyDeleteHolly,
DeleteWhat stage of your transition are you in? And how old were you when you started getting those trapped in the wrong body feelings?
I'm sick of Rupert's whining. Shut the hell up already. We don't care anymore. George Michael, Boy George, Rupert Everett, Elton John...gay celebrities in general leave much to be desired. Always in trouble whether with actions or words. The only gay celebrity that ever comes to mind as a positive role model is John Barrowman.
ReplyDeleteI think we deserve better as a community. As a gay father myself, I found the remarks cutting and very hurtful. How hard do we have to work at being parents to prove being gay doesn't get in the way? Just to be undercut by some turd like Rupert. He's deplorable. While I used to root for him, now I'm done with him. I will not see another one of his movies. In fact, I threw out anything I had that he was in.
If he were heterosexual, I would detest him, his constant whining in the press, his homophobia, and so I won't discriminate against him and his sexuality. I declare him to be an enemy of the gay community. Self-serving and self absorbed.
What about Matt Bomer? He's a father of three, seems to be a pleasant man and has yet to blacken his record with any misdemeanor. I'd say he's a decent role model.
DeleteThen there's Neil Patrick Harris, Ellen DeGeneres, Portia De Rossi, Cynthia Nixon, Zachary Quinto. I'd say there are a fair few gay celebrities who don't leave much to be desired.
Don't forget Chris Colfer and Jane Lynch. I don't care much for Glee, but Colfer seems like a complete sweet heart. Maybe he just hasn't had time to mess up.
Deletewow...utterly beautiful bryan. thank you.
ReplyDeletei agree, i knew very young that i was an outsider, for many reasons, one of which is being gay (in the bible belt with church of christ and southern baptist grandparents). it is still a struggle sometimes to reject the images of 'Gay' society has given us. i did not succeed in certain regards, i am a troll but im piggy enough to like it. i am safe about it and i have been tested (and plan to be again). dumb luck is also a factor because we are all dumb kids at some point. even up to yesterday sometimes.
hate is a sneaky little parasite that digs its way into your innards and one has to actively hunt it to catch it and many times, even then, we dont.
that is the rub too, learning to be open to the positive things in life because in our states of gray all we see is the storm cloud not the rainbow it brings or the healing it is.
i have been blessed, for many things i have had a voice(es) telling me that this or that statement was not true and they (the voices) were right and there is a beauty to the world that i had not seen since my grandfather died, perhaps before. there is darkness too and for a long time that was all i could see. even now it is a bit difficult to let people in because they always leave, always. (hence my odd aloofness dave and my seeming 'superiority' that i put off)
rupert's journey is his own and we cannot let his views define us wholly, he is, after all, just one man who is living the life of his own choosing. we as people can disagree and live our lives on separate pages, his fame with that attitude is of concern because there are those that will use it but that goes with all things.
related tangent:
i am still working on screenings but people are cheap-skating out. i get the money factors and with the economy here being as good as it is (the oil shelters us and we need workers) the schools dont have as many enrollies, myself included. (i will finish my psych degree and i will finish my wsi program!!!) then i think i will get my masters but i would like to do it abroad.
Aloofness? Vibes of superiority? WTF?! I have no idea what you’re talking about. You have never been either with me. Even though I’ve never met you in the physical world, you’ve become one of my best friends and now I don’t know what I’d do without you, especially now with the scary medical rollercoaster I’m now on. I love you. (BTW I’ve discovered how much easier it is to speak those three words when you’ve had a close encounter with your own mortality, even though I know I’m probably going to be just fine.) What you label as superiority I interpret as just having a greater level of experience because your degree of “out-ness” is greater than mine and you are “in circulation” more than I am. I’m able to ask you things that you are likely to know the answers to by the mere fact that you ARE more experienced, and I’m not at all threatened by you being considerably younger than me. To me, experience trumps age. Had I not lost some 15 years of my life due to caregiving responsibilities, I’d be out to a higher degree too and I probably wouldn’t be suffering from so-called “arrested development” as an out gay man.
DeleteIt is you who continuously tells me to stop lying and withholding my true self from my college-era friends and to stop making fake friends in the future. One of those friends, the one who lives in Marietta and works for CNN, I’m moving in the direction of telling him. We had a conversation recently about his religiosity and, while he’s more socially conservative than I am, he turns out not to be anywhere near the rightwing nutjob I once feared he was. He probably runs into Don Lemon and Anderson Cooper all the time and probably doesn’t get weirded-out in their presence. I told that friend that I trend toward the conservative on fiscal matters, but that I am socially liberal. I’m opening the door for him to ask certain questions about my views and about me personally. I’m almost hoping that he asks if I’m going to vote for Romney, because that would be the perfect context to come out to him. I’d then be able to explain why I regard most Republicans at national levels of power to be my mortal enemies (when it comes to equality and similar issues), why I think other gay people should regard them the same way, why any gays voting for that bastard should be regarded as traitors to their own people, and why straight people, who are inclined to vote for him and yet have gay family members or gay people in their lives that they care about, are in effect stabbing those gay loved ones in the back by voting for him, because the result of having that vicious, homophobic sociopath as President will have similar results. Nothing is for certain, but I now believe that friend has the sophistication not to reject me if I DO come out to him. I’m just waiting for a context that makes sense to do it. I don’t care to do it like, “Please pass the ketchup and I’m gay BTW.”
Huge hugs,
Dave
awww.. thank you. i judge myself harshly. i can be a bit aloof and i can be a bit superior, im glad that did not translate to you.
DeleteMaybe your aloofness remark is referencing something you once said about not being that much of a hugger. Yet, you are not so thoroughly that way that you would discourage me from hugging you if we met. I would agree doing that in the middle of a Republican Madrassa wouldn’t be such a hot idea but, apart from that, I think it’s fine. Between us, I think a handshake alone would really be pathetic.
DeleteAnother brilliant and insightful post, I think that you made a very insightful point about how internalized homophobia can turn us at times into some of the worst enemy's of the gay community.
ReplyDeleteI know that you mentioned having acquaintances the mention not liking to hand out with other gay people, I think there is another option to add to the lest of reasons they might feel that way and it might come down to being seen as gay. I know that I struggle at times with being comfortable around other gay people because even though I am out, it makes me feel uncomfortable at times that strangers can more easily tell that I am gay. I know on a logical side that it makes no since, especially when I have had people tell me that they could tell from the moment they met me before i even came out, which to an extent still makes me uncomfortable. I don't know why this is something that is an issue and it is one that I find my self quite regularly working at overcoming.
I know personally that coming out, at least in my case did not instantly red myself of my own internalized homophobia, because even though I don't project it on to others (like many other things in my life) I still find that I project it onto my self quite a bit. Although I would not trade being out for hiding in the closet for the large part because I came out because I could not keep living in the closet for a moment longer at that point in my life, yet there is quite a good chunk of the time that it still feels an admission of failure at my attempts to be straight.
I personally judge my self negatively on parts of just being my self that seem to gay to me, and I even find myself many a time coming down negatively on my self for even finding a guy attractive let alone being attracted to a guy, which in hindsight is probably something that is not helpful in dating and could explain part of my extreme discomfort with dating and especially with having other guys find me attractive. It is something that at times I can keep at bay and feel like I am free of it but most of the time it is there, sometimes worse then others, and logically it makes no since as the things that I see as negatively in my self and wrong in my self I see as not problem in others and not wrong with them.
I am sorry if I went off on to much of a tangent and for such a long post.
Matt,
DeleteIt’s interesting that the things you see negatively about yourself in being gay you don’t see as negative when you see it in other gay men. And I think that troublesome and unsupportive father of yours is more responsible for this than you know. We’ve talked about this at length privately but, if he were as cool about you’re being gay as your mother and brother are, I think you’d be feeling way better about yourself. Unless an intervention is done on him in some way and he is stripped of the misinformation on gayness that fuels his negative attitudes, you know very well that he won’t change. If you are still living at home under the same roof as him, I’d work toward moving out if I were you. I think having a healthier attitude toward yourself and your ultimate happiness depend on placing some geographic distance between you and him.
The trouble is more then that I have an problem with negative views of my self in general and harsh judgment of my self and finding things wrong in my self that I don't find wrong in others, which is something that I am working with my psychiatrist at over coming. (as it will make me a happier person, and give my depression less amo hopefully)
DeleteBesides I still think that it is my issue if the kind of relationship that we have causes me to feel, bad, and I kinda hope that when/if I find someone that makes me happy seeing that will help him to move further to the excepting side. I still don't feel that pressing the issue is the best way to deal with it with him. I just have to get to a point where I can accept things for the way they are and not the way that I feel that they should be.
But if you can move out, your father’s troublesome attitudes toward you can become at least more of an irrelevancy in your life than it is now. There ARE some people in this world who are irretrievable bigots. One job you have is to figure out if your father might be one of them. If you determine he is, you may need to weigh whether he is worth the grief he causes you, which I gather is considerable, and then you might need to decide whether it’s time to walk away from him. If I had such a troublesome relative, I think I would handle it in a way similar to Dan Savage’s more confrontational approach in like circumstances. He would give such a relative a finite time period, say 6 months but no more than a year, to get the fuck over it and, after that period, if that relative still can’t come around and give him the respect he deserves or, if he then has a partner, give that partner the respect that he also deserves, then he is out of that relative’s life forever. That’s not a threat. That’s a solemn promise. You don’t cross Dan Savage forever without paying the price. So it is with him. So it is with me. I realize doing something like this is very unlike you. I merely comment on how I would do things in like circumstances.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI think that it is a thing where I have to learn to accept things as they are and not be upset by them let alone about how things "should be". My dad is not a bigot and I don't believe that he is. You are right I would never do anything like what you suggest Dan Savage would do. In no small part due to the fact that I know my dad loves me.
DeleteI am not willing to make threats, or to throw the baby out with the bath water. I don't want to hurt someone that means the world to me, and that is one of the most important people in my life, and that I know loves me very much, and who has been there for me threw some of my many very dark periods, as well as my good times.
I hope that he will move to a more accepting place when I finally meet someone special (someone long term) and he sees how important they are and how happy that they make me. ether way he is not someone that I am willing to or ever will be willing to cut out of my life.
Well then moving out is your best option, when you are financially capable. It’ll give you the best overall comfort and it sidesteps any need to get tougher with your dad, which I understand simply isn’t going to happen. If you have your own place, your father can be judgmental to his heart’s content—not saying he in fact will, but he could if he wanted to—WITHIN HIS OWN HOUSE and it wouldn’t matter anymore (at least not much) because you don’t have to live with him and see and feel it and you’ll have complete freedom to do whatever you please with no one looking over your shoulder.
DeleteI actually felt hurt for you and Jay when I heard his words because I know you and know how far his words are from the truth
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion to him would be to spend a weekend in New York with Selena and Daniel Leffew. I've said this before but I'll say it again. Daniel and Selena are the most well behaved, polite and genuinely "good" kids I have ever been around. Last Oct. when we came out to Santa Rosa we had been around kids the whole week prior that were "out of control!" One of the things Dave said last weekend after being around Daniel and Selena was "Jay and Bryan should should do parenting classes for straight people!!!" I agree.
So..PLEASE don't let his words get you down. He obviously is not a very happy person. He's almost to be pitied... Jim
If you want you kids to grow up tolerant of differences, I think gay parents are ideal. Try learning those same kind of lessons from a heterosexuaal Republican mother and father. In many if not most cases, ain’t gonna happen. I think the difficulties adoptees of gay parents face come from outside the home, which is why I think gay parents should be careful of the environment they’re living in and raising those kids. Santa Rosa happens to be ideal for that. I think Daniel and Selena would have very different and unpleasant growing up experiences if they were raised in the Bible belt, which is ground zero for every kind of bigoted maggot imaginable.
Delete______________________________
Jim, I don’t know how closely you read other people’s comments but, lately, I’ve been spending plenty of time with people in your field getting gobs of CT’s and MRI’s. After some spectacular nosebleeds in late August fit for the goriest of slasher films, I got myself checked out and I have an olfactory neuroblastoma (sinus cancer) which will be removed this Thursday, the 27th. Up until now, I’ve never had anything ever wrong with me and I still have all my original factory-issued equipment, save some foreskin that got lost at the dry cleaners. :-D :-D Several people on this blog are on a Notify List so they’ll get private e-mails from my father as to how I got through the surgery. That way, they’ll get to know without reliance on how often they read blog comments here. My good friend, Steeldrago, is my spokesman here and will announce to everyone else here the ultimate outcome.
I wanted to ask you, Jim, do you just conduct the scans or do you interpret the results or perhaps do both?
Jim,
DeleteWould you ever be interested in ever talking off-blog through e-mail? Just want you to know my misbehavior in the physical world parallels what you read from me here, so there are definitely hysterical, juicy stories to be told. We’re the same age too, so that could be another basis for relating. If interested, why don’t you temporarily post your home e-mail addy into your blogspot profile, and I’ll promptly send you a message announcing I have it so you can quickly remove it again, if that’s your wish. But I go back in the hospital on the 27th and will be there almost a week and will be drugged out of my mind there. Depending on how much of a junkie they turn me into, I might have to change my name to Keith Richards! :-D They had better not make me look like him too! :-D Just kidding. They won’t have to do that. They can make the major incision behind my hairline on top and therefore not slash up my face.
The display name in your inbox will read “David F***zen” and the underlying e-mail address will contain my initials “ddf” and will have the word “bear” embedded somewhere. I should be easy to recognize.
i have reached a point where i think first time parents should be required to take classes, and i include myself should i ever manage to get to a point where i could adopt. so yeah, awesome parents need to share and the rest of us need to help them do so.
DeleteHi Dave,
ReplyDeleteNo I don't interpret them I perform them. The only person who is legally permitted to interpret them is a radiologist-a physician who did their residency in radiology.
Good luck with the surgery Dave and yes feel free to e-mail me! Jim
Jim,
DeleteI do NOT have an e-mail address for you. That's why I suggested posting it temporarily in your blogspot profile so I can quickly grab it and then notify you that you can take it down again.
Or you could post it here. I understand that blogspot members have the capability of deleting their posts. As a non-member, I am unable to do that myself.
Big change in plans. My 9-27 surgery if off due to unfortunate results of a special scan done to some lymph nodes in my chest. Operating on my sinus now is extremely inappropriate without first knowing the nature of what’s in my chest. The worst possible outcome would be, not only that it’s cancerous, but that it originates from my sinus cancer. If a chest biopsy—through a scope down the throat—shows it really is the same as my sinus mass, that tends to show that I can’t be cured. Treatment then would shift toward eliminating or managing symptoms.
DeleteI have never had anything seriously wrong with me before and I continue to feel fine now. No pain. No loss of functionality anywhere, with the exception that my sense of smell is almost completely gone and that is permanent.
This announcement is for the blog in general, meaning for people who are not on a private Notify List I have. My good friend, Steeldrago, remains my spokesman here and will announce to the group the outcome of any surgery I eventually might have.
Dave..I am on "outlatebutgreat" on YouTube..just send an e-mail to me...on my account.. Best wishes.. Just remember..we are all in this whole "life" thing together...and it is very short. I wish you well... Jim
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