Monday, September 21, 2009

Ways to make My Heart Stop

Today I Got a call from my sons school principal. Any parent dreads hearing their childs principle on the phone because it either means a trip to her office or possibly the emergency room. Today she informed me that my son had been jumped on by another boy, had fallen backward and hit his head. She said he was in pain and due to the nature of the injury, she asked if I would come down and take a look....o.k....parental freak out time..

I grabbed my little girl and raced down to the school to find out what the heck had happened. Wondering why some other little boy had taken it upon himself to jump on Daniel and hurt him this way. Also I wasn't sure how to handle a head injury...he may look fine now but then collapse later. All kinds of scenarios where playing out in my head as I raced through traffic to get to his school.

I arrived at school and there he was in the office, clutching his head and looking miserable. I felt his head and there were no lumps or swelling, just a small but very tender spot that hurt to the touch. No glazed eyes, no slurred speach, and no sleepiness or dizziness. All systems go it seemed. "what happened Daniel?", I asked gently. I turns out one of his friends had been behind him in line and decided to show his love a little too vigorously by jumping on his back from behind. Daniel fell and knocked his head on the concrete...ouch... o.k horrific scenario one averted...he wasn't attacked by a bully. That, at least, was a relief.

After checking him out and talking to him to determine if he was lucid and knew what planet he was on I determined he was o.k. to go back to class and finish his day. Daniel didn't mind at all, which is proof to me that he really must have knocked his head hard. Normally he would have made a bid to go home.
So..Horiffic scenario two overt trauma.

I called Jay on the phone to let him know everything was o.k and he asked me something that took me aback. "so it wasn't gay related then?" he asked....I hadn't even considered that scenario in my frantic over worrying. I was glad it was just a friend roughhousing, but what if it hadn't been? Oh, now ..I really would've gone all "poppa bear" on them if that was the case. You can say what you want about me, but you dont mess with kids.

I know from my own past that kids don't need a reason to tease you. If you are sensitive about something, they will find that weakness and exploit it. You don't have to be gay to be called a "fag" or be beat up for it. Two dads is as good a reason as any to be teased. Daniel someday is going to encounter that. I hope not. I hope his world never includes those experiences and I certainly don't want to be the cause of them. We thought about that often before AND after we adopted... "What will our childrens experience be?" It still plays through my head all too often.

My point of view is, kids tease and bully for no reason...they seek out weekness and that weekness can be anything, being the only kid in class to still like toys, having big ears, being percieved as gay, not being athletic, being skinny ...literally anything. As much as I fear for Daniel, I have to let him meet some challenges in his own way. Who knows, he may charm his way through it. I hope we can give him enough confidence in himself to meet that moment of truth with courage and dignity. Or, conversly...he can just kick em in the nuts and run for it...I will love him either way...

But for today daddy chicken little was talked down from the ledge and my parental threat level was dropped from "danger! Will Robinson!" to a mere "..I have a bad feeling about this"....and Selena's not even in school yet...Sheesh...


  1. Glad Daniel's ok. My heart sank when reading the first paragraph and the thought of any little punk bully hurting your son. Glad to know that wasn't the case. BTW, even with a Ozzie and Harriet family, bullies will find something in a kid to pick on. I was picked on for a disability and shortness and hated pretty much of my school years. However, I was also painfully shy and self-conscious.

    Your son has two things going for him. One his self-confidence-he looks right into the camera and manages to be himself in a video seen by thousand strangers. The other is a rule all schoolchildren learn-never, ever mess with a policeman's family!

    All parents want the best for their kids and it's scary out there nowadays. The best you can do is if he comes to you, talk it over with him and decide what needs to be done. But let him have the final say. Barring that sometimes a good kick in the nuts is the best thing:0

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  3. XD, now i know how my mom felt whe i broke my arm in school.

    You know, when i talk about adoption with my friends ( who are totaly pro marriage pro gay, pro me) they hesitate, and I don´t blame them. Two dads thats gonna be hard. But I was pretty fucked up, and my parents are dad and mom, not even divorced, just avarege. I still was miserable during school, not by being gay, I was fat, I was slow, I was there.
    And i tell myself, that I know how to deal with it, why not teach someone else? And my friends shut up, and realized school is crap, for everyone. Is just a matter of how much do you let it affect you. It affected me, hard, but i learned from it. And now i don´t give a fuck.

    Sorry about the foul lenguage. XD

  4. BTW, this may not be very mature of me, but i´m 19 so bare with me. Knowing I could defend myself in case of phisical abuse ( I know taekwondo since i was 6) They teach you how to be one with your self, respect your self, and to kick ass, And most importantly, when and where to kick ass. I´ve never threw a punch, although i could have and wanted to. But i knew better, because of my family and my training ( not my friends, they really wanted for me to kick ass)

  5. Happy to hear that Daniel is okay and that it was actually an accident. :)

  6. I was picked on constantly in school from kindergarten onward. Not for being gay or trans, not really for any particular reason, other than I didn't make any real attempt to be like other kids, I was just myself. I guess they all perceived me as "weird," it's hard to remember how I was back then though, it was a long time ago after all. I guess they just saw that weakness in me and exploited it. My first reaction was to fight back. My next reaction was to try and fit in. Neither of those worked. My third and final reaction was to stop caring and ignore it, and just make friends with people who like me for me instead. It didn't stop the bullying but it did gain me some good lifetime relationships and later on in high school I suffered less bullying because I had a group of good friends to hang around, instead of just being the freaky loner kid who stood out. I actually had people who would stand up for me not because they pitied me but because they actually cared about me, which was nice.

    I know your son wasn't bullied but you're right, he may have to face it someday, and it's hard, but one thing he has that I really didn't have was supportive parents. I think as long as he can trust his parents he'll be fine even if he does get bullied.

  7. Oh, my heart stopped when I read that little Daniel had been injured. I actually said "OH NO!!" out loud haha. I'm soooo happy to hear he's doing well. Thank God for that!