Finding A Reason To Smile

The world is full of nothing but bad news...sad news, and the weight of it all can be too much to hold sometimes. I just got an email from an Argentine friend that the marriage of Jose Maria Di Bello and his partner, Alex Freyre may just have been permanently tanked. so this is my thread for music that makes us smile when you'd rather cry....please feel free to turn it up.



Its no coincidence that during the harshest years of World War II came some very excstatic and hopefull music. When times are difficult it does us no good to look outward to all thats wrong in the world, we need to look a little closer to home to the little things that bring us joy...more after the fold.

Spreading The Light...Uganda and America's Fundamentalists

Not so long ago, America's largest export used to be things that we had built with our own two hands. However, these days, we export ideologies more than products.

Our latest gift (/sarcasm off) to the developing countries of the world has been through the efforts of christian fundamentalists, who are again turning to African and Asian countries to find new believers and to advance their causes. A big goal of the American churchs, is to put gays back in the closet...or worse.

It has already been posted in comments on this blog how much the exgay movement in the U.K. owes its funding to American evangelicals here in the U.S. These churches sure seem to have inexhaustible funds to be able to support these oversees efforts AND resist marriage equality back home. Now there most recent efforts have put them in bed with some nasty bedfellows.

Lean On Me

The struggle for gay rights, and more specifically for marriage equality, has often been likened to other civil rights movements, from the Black civil rights movement of the 50's and 60's... to the struggle for women's rights. This usually raises alot of ire in the group that we are compared to. But what I'd like to talk about today is not those comparisons but, in my opinion, a difference the gay rights movement experiences. This is not to claim a bigger hardship than anyone else because that would be hogwash. Only to point out a facet of gay life that we all deal with on a day to day basis and that has reared its ugly head again in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

We know that this day isn't a holiday for everyone but we still wish you a happy day even if it isn't a holiday for you.

The tradition we pass along to our kids is to think of the things that we are thankful for in our lives and while the top of my list is always Jay and the kids, it now includes all of you who have added so much to my life. Of course I am also thankful for good food, good spirits, and good friends...that, to me, is the good life....maybe I'm actually a hobbit?...

This morning we had to rake some of the HUGE amount of leaves in our front yard before the neighbors formed an angry mob and showed up with torches and pitchforks. Every year the kids have a blast jumping in the leaves. This is our Thanksgiving greeting card to all our readers and viewers....thank you for being a part of our lives for more than a year now.



Well...I'm off to stuff myself with noms (thats food btw...not The National Orginization for Marriage)...Have a good day everyone!

Finding hope

O.K. dear readers...its been another busy day with dentist appointments and haircuts so I find myself blogging really late (1 p.m....late for me...later for you).

Reading around the blogospere this afternoon I found an article at The Bilerico Project that resonated with a feeling I have had lately. The article points to a fatigue in the fight for marriage equality. And the comments made against it, shock me. Advocates for marriage equality are facing a protracted battle over those rights and quite often we have to not only work hard against those who are anti-gay, but we also get smack for trying to raise unified support within the gay community as well...

In Like A Lion....Out Like A Lambert

Most of you know of our view when it comes to gays with large audiences not using their influence to help advance the struggle for gay rights. We Called out Ellen and gay YouTubers for not standing up for gay issues when it really counts. And now, to perfectly highlight this issue, along comes Adam Lambert.

For those who haven't been knee deep in gay blogs all month, Adam Lambert has recently been in conflict with OUT Magazine. Follow the saga with me..

Full Faith and Conscience

Lately, I struggle to find the bigger picture in the recent events surrounding religion and the struggle for gay rights. It seems the recent elections of California and Maine have not only galvanized the GLBTQ community, but conservative faith communities as well...and boy are they scared. They will never admit it, but they are. They are buzzing about like a swarm of angry bees after hitting a nest with a stick.




One example of this is the recent "Manhattan Declaration". For those who have not heard of it, its official title is "The Manhattan Declaration: A Call of Christian Conscience,". It was signed by more than 150 Christian leaders from the evangelical community as well as the Roman Catholic Church. Other notable signers include Maggie Gallagher from the National Organization for Marriage and James Dobson of "Focus On the Family". Also included in the signers is Rev. Peter J. Akinola, Archbishop of Province III, Nigeria, who, According to Pams House Blend, has..

Transgendered Remembrance Day

Its a sad and funny fact of life that we can go about our affairs without the smallest clue about the lives of a whole section of humanity. We know this first hand, as this can be a source of frustration for gay people. Its frustrating when I think about the casual way in which people judge my life, without knowing a thing about its realities. So, it was a revelation for me and my husband, when people we knew in our lives, began to come out as transgendered. A whole new world opened and revealed a whole class of people who were suffering societies prejudice, just as we are, yet with more dimensions.

Today is a day to remember transgendered people who have been the victims of violence. It was begun by Gwendolyn Smith of San Francisco for the "Remembering Our Dead Web Project" to honor the life of Rita Hester, who was found stabbed to death in her apartment. Since then, the project has grown to included remembrance ceremonies in communities across the nation. Sadly, transgendered violence continues to rise ...and so the list of those to remember has grown longer....

Ah...Wedded Bliss....NOT

Its been a busy week for legislators tackling the tough issues of marriage equality here in the U.S. It would seem that the catastrophic failures of California and Maine have goaded some lawmakers into...*gasp!*...unprovoked action! Here is a roundup of of the current happenings from the positive to the positively hilarious...

First in the line up, reported on Pam's House Blend, Kentucky and Michigan have legislation submitted to repeal the ban on same-sex marriage in their states. Representative Mary Lou Marzian of Kentucky recently submitted the legislation with the hope of eventually enacting civil unions in the state of Kentucky. When I read this my first thought was, "If California and Maine can't do it, how the hell is Kentucky going to manage this?". That's my bad I guess. Good luck to the peoples of Kentucky and Michigan...Here's to hoping you can accomplish what we have not yet achieved.




Next is rather significant news... The Washington Times reports that the Washington D.C. Board of Elections and Ethics, has denied an attempt by "Stand For Marriage, DC Coalition" to submit D.C.'s proposed gay marriage law to a popular vote despite the attempts of Catholic Charities to threaten D.C. with removal of its not-so-charitable services.

A Brief Gay History...Into Darkness.

Well...it's a slow news day in my opinion. Therefore, since I have no desire to write about Levi Johnston's Playgirl shoot, I have decided that I would do an article on gay history. As I write, hopefully I'm educating myself as well as you, the reader. Hopefully I am not merely regurgitating what everyone already knows...but its nice to see it all together and get a sense of the larger journey.

We are a people who's history is largly untold. Our stories lost to the homophobia and violence of the past. We not only share in the history of the world at large but was also have our own tale to tell...and its sad that we still live under so much persecution that we don't get to learn it. Its a tale of love and tragedy, power and corruption, perseverance and triumph, and ultimately the end has not yet been written. It is, in fact, a tale too large to tell in one piece so I have broken it into installments. Today I will cover samplings of events from our ancient past. From our nacent beginnings lost to the mists of time, to our decent into the dark ages and beyond. I'm sure I will miss mentioning many famous gays along the way but I simply can not fit everything here.

Take a walk with me into days long past....

The People We Trust.

This looks like an honest face right? One you'd trust with your children? This Gentleman is Randolph Forde, a 10th grade teacher at Mundy's Mill High School in Jonesboro Georgia. Mr. Forde is under investigation by Clayton County school officials for,...get this... physically threatening a student and "Putting a hit out on him". All of this after Mr. Forde questioned a students sexuality and later threatened to hit him In th f-ing mouth!.

After all the fuss about how gays are infiltrating school systems and forcing a homosexual agenda on innocent children. Anti-gay pundits raised the mantra Its all about the children!. Indeed it is...the right for alll children straight and gay to go to school in safety. I think everyone needs to remember this story when California goes to reelection over gay marriage and the Anti-gay spin doctors pull the same tired arguments out of the closet about how its the homosexuals who are the threat.

Manic Monday ...Losing My mind

This blog comes to you today, from a housedad on the verge of insanity. Today has been nuts and finding the time to blog has been a challenge. My poor little girl has picked up a case of head lice from who knows where...so now we are in full lock down and sterilization mode. Also, someone backed into Jays commute car recently putting a huge dent in the fender, so I have to get an estimate done. In addition to trying to get my normal Monday chores completed and work in some studying for my html class.

But..I have about two spare brain cells left to put together a post of significant happenings that I would like to share with everyone...from the politically pertinent and Tragic to the eyebrow raising amusement. Normally I would select one or two of these items to post about, but I don't have the ability to discuss in depth today so, I will post these items and open the discussion to you, the reader. Without further ado...

Fighting For Life...Iraq

Normally I don't like to post multiple posts but I was sent this on YouTube today and I felt the need to share it with everyone. This video brings up so much for me. First it sickens and saddens me beyond words. It reminds me that my heroes are the GLBT people who live in countries like this one, who face the threat of death every day. It must be a collosal act of will just to leave your house in the morning. Secondly, to me, it suggests what a country can become when ever a particular religion is allowed free reign over the rights of the people. Though the risk is remote in America, it still exsists.

Watch this with caution...many scenes are graphic and hard to watch. Even worse are the comments left on YouTube. I don't recomend reading them. My heart grieves for these people and for those who love them....and for anyone that thinks we won the war for freedom and goodness in Iraq..this is what we won. Good luck dear reader......

Another Step Along The Road ...Argentina.

After crushing defeat in the struggle for marriage equality in the Live and Let Live State of Maine, it good to see that other countries are still moving forward while we baby step to equality. Argentina Has taken its first steps to full and lasting marriage equality for its citizens. According to an online report at Inquirer.net, Argentine Judge, Gabriela Seijas, ordered ordered the Civil Registry to legalize the marriage of Alejandro Freyre and Jose Maria De Bello. The couple, who had been previously denied marriage on the basis of their Same-sex status, lead them to file a legal complaint on the basis of gender discrimination. According to the report, it is hoped that this will ad extra pressure to pass a gay marriage bill slowly making its way through Argentine Legislature.

Reading this puts me in mind of the day San Francisco Mayor, Gavin Newsom, ordered city hall to begin issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples. That action was swiftly blocked by opponents to gay marriage, but it formed the basis for the legal and electoral battle that followed...including state sponsored discrimination in the form of Proposition 8. however, If not for Mayor Newsoms courage in action, I would not be married to my husband today. Those first tiny pebbles became the landslide that is still changing the greater landscape of gay rights in America. If Argentina succeeds in granting its GLBTQ citizens marriage rights, they will be the first Latin American nation to do so.

Ask A Gay Family 7

Finally!...Its Back!! The next episode of "Ask A Gay Family" is here! This week, in Episode 7, we cover Bi Canadians...well, not exactly....

Looking For A Recomendation

Hello Dear Readers,

I hope I am not imposing too much in seeking a little assistance that I hope will help make this blog a more entertaining experience. I LOVE listening to Groove Salad on SOMA FM while I write and was hoping to find a great radio player widget to add to the blog to stream SOMA's fantastic channels. After much independent searching I have come up with a handfull of less then optimal players that don't seem to work half the time. So I ask my readers who blog, or frequent blogs with players, What works and what doesn't? ...and if you haven't given any of SOMA's channels a listen to, I highly reccomend them, especially Secret Agent and Groove Salad. Both are a very modern lounge sound.

And while I have the subject open...What else could we do to help make this blog a more enjoyable experience....aside from posting earlier in the day...yes I'm looking at you OrangeGoblin.

Thank you, in advance, for your input. I now return you to your regularly, irregular broadcast...

D.ont A.sk D.emocrats T.hey (are too scared)

Well this post is a day late and a dollar short...but real life issues have been bogging me down, so here I am today...doing YESTERDAYS Veterans Day post....fun times.

Yesterday it was announced by Rep. Barney Frank, in the Washington Blade ,that DADT's death is eminent in a defense department procurement bill slated for 2011. The Blade reports Rep. Frank as Saying:

“The House will take up and the Senate will take up ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ repeal,” he said. “That will again, like hate crimes, even more so, will have to be done, I believe, in the context of the defense authorization. You can’t do the standalone bill. It belongs in the defense authorization.”

Frank said lawmakers would seek to amend the defense measure to include a provision repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” Such a move would mimic the way Congress recently enacted the hate crimes measure.

In the meantime NO ONE is making a move to place a moratorium on DADT. 99% of Pentagon and Capitol Hill talking heads claim that DADT is a useless and destructive policy but as yet, no one wants to be seen as the "homo-lover" who moved to stop it.

Acting on Conscience...True Patriotism

Wow...In the catagory of "things that blow me away" today I read a story about Will Phillips, A 10 year old Fifth Grader from Arkansas who has made the personal decision not to recite the "Pledge of Allegiance" until GLBTQ citizens are accorded equall rights. Really?...a 10 year old boy can get it but we get called to the mat for asking the gay community to? Amazing. This kid is awsome and my new hero....

Dancing To Their Tune

Lately we have been getting a lot of negative feedback from those within the gay community for our stance on gay marriage. Most recently because of this video:



Some of our viewers have expressed indignation at the comparisons drawn between the huge loss of life on September 11th and the denial of civil rights enacted by the states of California and Maine. So let me be clear why Sean Chapin made this video and why we support it. First, it was never meant to say that these events are the same. What happened on September 11th was horrific beyond my ability to describe. I bawling my eyes out while watching human beings jump to their deaths rather than die within a burning building and hearing the final goodbyes delivered by cellphone messages to families who would never see their loved ones again. Nothing can approach that day, In my mind.

What this video is pointing out is that the nation sat up and took notice. They did not just move on with life as normal because something was clearly wrong. But yet today, no one seems to have that sense of urgency when a whole class of people have their rights stripped from them. Believe me...we have gotten a mountain of emails from gay people attempting to shame US becuase marriage is "not a priority" for them. We have also been accused a kind of selfishness for asking the community to stand up and support each other. We have been called "privleged white gays" and "mainstreamers". We get comments from gays that are just as vitriolic as anything a conservative could think up. It has been shocking just how much division there is within a community that NEEDS to stand together just to survive...

The Kids Are Alright

As gay parents, Jay and I often get awfull comments from people about our raising Daniel and Selena. Some people raise fair questions while still others resort to ignorant arguments that we will "turn our kids gay". Most of these arguments are emotionally driven, and as such, don't respond well to reasoned argument, but we do our best. I personally have known kids of my generation raised by same-sex parents. On the whole they tended to have the same benifits and challenges as everyone else. In addition...none of them turned out to be gay. They were, however, great friends and a tremendous source of support when I was coming out.

Recently, at nytimes.com Lisa Belkin of the blog Motherlode, wrote on the effects of gay parenting on children and how factors present in same-sex families can help make all parents better parents. Being a gay parent, I couldn't resist. Sorry this is so quote heavy, but so much of this was relevent and needed to be emphasized.

"Protect the children from the Homosexuals!" is the rallying cry of those that wish to deny gays there rights as American citizens. You can hear it in any anti-gay rights campaign, from marriage equality to employment protections. The same tired argument is always made that gay="bad for kids"....On the subject, Belkin had this to say...

Anita Bryant Version 2.0

Remember this? Many readers may, but still more, like me, were simply to young at time to know Anita Bryant. At the time, she was THE spokesperson for religious intolerance...kind of like Maggie Gallagher and Carrie Prejean all rolled into one. Ms. Bryant practiced the same tactics that are still being used against us today. Notice the way she automatically feigns taking the high road in order to appear the victim of a "vicious homosexual", allowing the man to stay to witness their obvious moral superiority. The look that man shot Anita as she prayed spoke volumes more about the terrible impact her words had on the lives of gay men and women than a million angry blogposts could ever communicate. That man stayed, not out of shame for his actions, but to let her know that he was not intimidated by her pretense of holiness.

How far we have come since then, right?...well....

Rise Together

Is this how YOU feel right now?...I know it has been for us lately. I see so many people working so hard to help advance the cause of gay rights, from those who gave of their time to work phonebanks or stump door to door, to those who used whatever means the web can offer. So many of us poured our hearts and souls into California's prop 8 fight and the recent fights in Maine, Washington, and Kalamazoo. To face defeat in Maine has left me feeling like horrible sense of deja vu and like a light is going out in the world.

But now that the dust has settled everyone is looking for someone to blame. Some place that blame on the religious, others on soccer moms, HRC, And..most appropriately, our President. However, the most concerning finger pointing is directed right at us, the gay community.

GLBTQ Declaration of Independance

As we all by now know, a majority of Americans have used their right to vote to illegally remove rights that are written into the constitution of The United States for ALL. So, the question I pose is...is our constitution worth the paper it is printed on if it does not afford ALL our citizens the protections clearly outlined in them. If we are not going to follow that great document, why do we have it? I have great respect and love for the Constitution of The United States and to my country. It is that love that compels me to write this. Some will see this as unpatriotic sacrilege...from my point of view it is reminding this great nation of its purpose and responsibilities.

So as a GLBTQ citizen Not afforded full and equal protection under our laws...this is my Declaration of Independence....

Religious Bias Deconstructed

TODAY IS ELECTION DAY!!!...And everyone has the jitters, including the very groups that picked this battle to begin with. the Family Policy Council, yet another Maine anti-gay policy group, has issued a statement about the uncertain outcome of today's election and their long view on the the fight against gay marriage. The editorial is credited to a "staff writer"...Whenever conservatives decline to put there name on a document like this or post a nasty YouTube video under a pseudonym without showing their true name and face, I pretty much take it as an admission that on some level they are afraid that what they are asserting is wrong and that they are unconsciously ashamed of it. If anything in this article was worth the time it took to write then why can't they own up to it? If they fear personal attack, then perhaps they should not venture into the world of public opinion. Sadly, for gay people, we don't have the option to not participate. We have to put our opinions, stories, and real identities out there. If we don't, people like this editorialist feel free to continue painting us as villains and anarchists.

The original flaming bag of dog poo*....er...article is posted over at their websitewww.mainefamilypolicycouncil.com but I am breaking it down here to make the differences in our messages clear.

Not So Smart Advertising And Common Adsense

The struggle for Marriage Equality has never been a straight forward fight...sometimes people fight dirty and we've seen abundant instances of where the "Yes On 1" campaign is willing to lie to achieve its goals. But lately, some of those dirty tactics have turned up on the our YouTube page. I'm sure all of you are familiar with this ad by now:



Yes ..their story is shocking in that it took NPR's original story, dismantled it, and reassembled it into something they could use to inspire more homo hysteria. Its also shocking that they are willing to use children as intellectual human shields...but that's not the issue here.