Why Is It Still OK To Demean Gay People?

Todays blog can be thought of as an extension of last weeks in which I talk about how many in religion have made LGBT people into their chief enemy....abandoning all pretense at love or the message of Jesus to espouse a political viewpoint in "the culture wars". This week picks up the topic again with Pastor David James Manning of the YouTube channel ATLAHworldwide.

Earlier this month Pastor Manning produced a video called "Age Matters All The Time" in which Pastor Manning attempted to make the point that anyone below the age of thirty was not mature enough to vote. For an example of this Pastor Manning used my son Daniels video letter to Chief Justice John Roberts, using his image and his full name to accuse my husband Jay and myself of being child molesters and child rapists for allowing our son to not only understand the issue of same-sex marriage...but to allow him to voice his opinion about a topic that directly effects his family.

Now, that video was up for several days before ultimately being flagged and pulled from YouTube to be reviewed for inappropriate content. It was at this point that Pastor Manning made a video in which he attempted to reframe his video as not attacking our family and calling us child molestors...but simply one in which he was trying to talk about how age matters in political discourse...a complete falsehood.

However, due to complaints from Mannings viewers, Youtube put his video back up....disgusting accusations and all. We were completely flummoxed that a human being at YouTube actually watched that video and then re-approved it. Yet as angry as we were, we had resigned ourselves that there was nothing much we could do about it....until the popular political blog AmericaBlog picked up the story and highlighted the advertisers who were having their products linked to Pastor Mannings message.....prompting YouTube to immediately yank the video again and finally acknowledge that it  violates its own posted community guidelines for hate speech.

The entire Journey we have been through with Manning has highlighted for me that not only do certain religious people see the gay community as the ultimate evil...but also that it still seems to be ok to express such insulting comments as Pastor Manning made as long as the target of those comments are gay people. Read on after the jump to watch the videos and to find an answer to why it's till ok to debate and talk about gay lives in a way that it would be considered unacceptable if the subject was another race, religion, or women...

Attack of The Teenage years...One Year Too Soon

They are Here! There are ravenous, and they will make you want to scream in terror! They are....the teenage years!

Seriously...When I was a newbie parent and talking to veteran parents about raising children, they ALL had one warning to give...."Just wait till they're teenagers!"  Each of them echoed the same warning...all of them, to a one...a fact which is creepy enough by itself. However, I shrugged off their warnings as so much cynical ramblings and after all, my son was only five and all that teenage stuff seemed so far away that I didn't have to worry about it. So, like the ill-fated kids of Camp Crystal Lake I blithely set off to a date with the monster. But like a beast stalking us from the shadows...it lay in wait for seven years until it was time to strike.

For those of you doing the math...yes, that means my son is now Twelve and not exactly a teenager. I feel like I am cheating myself out of being able to write this post next year but...just like movie monsters leap out at you when you expect them the least, neither did my sons teenage traits wait till his chronological aged ticked over from twelve to thirteen. It's here and it's demanding to be dealt with....(cue B-movie scream)

The Well Of Compassion...A Letter To My Husband

Dear Readers,

Todays post is actually a letter to my husband who, when we were having a conversation about helping people and getting hurt for it, asked me to put my words into blog form because he felt he hears me better when I write then when I speak. That said, even though the nature of to days post will be very personal, that doesn't mean that it is...well...private. All of us, as human beings, are challenged to open our hearts at times and finding the balance between taking risks with our hearts or choosing to protect them instead. That said...even though this blog may be personal, it is also a very human experience and I invite your opinions on the matter. So without further ado...

Looking Back At 2012

The end of the year is always a time that we round up the year with a top ten list of some kind. We tabulate the things that rocked our world or biggest villains of the last twelve months and then shake our heads in wonder that so much stuff happened in one year. Well this year I am deeply resisting doing another simple list of events. First, because you can't swing a stick on the internet without hitting one...and second, because the years events as they have effected our family were far more than just blurbs on the news. Lots of things happened to our kids and to us, new friends were made and old ones returned, we took Portland by storm, I turned 40, and then took a bite out of the big apple....and that's what you missed on Glee GFV!(hahaha just kidding). This time I want to take a minute not just to list what happened but to reflect on a year that many called a game changer. Lets see if I can even remember everything that happened....

Merry Christmas To All!...2012

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you who have been with me throughout the year. Thank you so much for for following my blog and for being patient with my ramblings. All of you are a special part of our lives, and on this holiday season we wish you all the very best!

Sincerely,
Bryan

Never Hide...What Four Years of YouTube and Fighting Prop 8 Has Taught Us

"Hello YouTube!".....thats a phrase has been uttered by my family about 345 times over four years. That is exactly how long we have been doing YouTube videos and here we are nearly four years, on the cusp of what could be a landmark Supreme Court decision regarding Prop 8...and we are still making videos. I remember being so angry during the Prop 8 campaign as commercial after commercial on TV told blatant lies about my family and my life. I couldn't believe that stuff like that was even allowed to air on television. The more I saw, the more the polls would teeter on a knifes edge and all we could do was watch as others endlessly talked about my family and my personal rights as if they were things....not the lives of real human beings seeking the same happiness as anyone else.

As those who opposed marriage equality continued to lie and fear monger, I kept hoping and waiting for the commercials to air that would set the record straight. Were were the guys who were going to call out the liars? Where was the compassion, empathy...or better yet, the truth? As our side showed living room conversations with the parents of gay people...and straight celebrities...the question ultimately became, why are they not showing us, as gay people, telling our own stories? Those commercials never came. It was our anger, and frustration with that that led us to one poorly filmed video over a dinner of chicken nuggets that has launched us onto this journey of trying to show what a gay family is...and is not.

I'd like to say that four years later, our side has taken a few notes from the failures of the Prop 8 campaign, but sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case as pro equality organisations are repeating the mistakes of the past for fear of offending people.

 But I think Britney can say it better than me. Take it away girl....

For Turks and Travelers

Hello Everyone....I am back to make up for my lack of a post last weekend. As many of you know, my husband Jay has been overseas in Turkey to support a friend who has had a really awful year. The fact that I did not post last week was called out by my husband who very politely commented that "My Turkish fans were looking forward to my post this week.".....and by "Turkish fans" he meant himself. So this post is in part for him and in part a stream of thought about what happens when you make connections with people beyond the bubble of your everyday life. Sometimes those  journeys take us on planes miles from home, and sometimes we go farther than any plane can carry us with just the click a mouse. Often. it's not the journey itself that is as remarkable as the people you meet along the way because they make the road worth taking. Will you take a short journey with me?

Going To Disneyland!

For most of us, that knowledge should come with congratulations and condolences simultaneously....but all kidding aside it is time for this family to saddle up and get some time away. We have asked our kids to be very patient with the movie events for Right To Love that we have asked them to attend and they have have been champs through it all. They have watched the movie through several times without complaining.....much, they have stood onstage with us and and answered questions from multiple audiences, and they have put up with getting dressed up and staying put together despite their every impulse to be kids. The kids have earned something special and this trip is our way to say thank you to them.

So we will be standing in long lines....hopefully not in the rain which is currently pouring like cats and dogs here in Northern California. We will be tag teaming escorting the kids on rides while the other watches the two year old, responding to repeated requests for a bathroom halfway through an hour long line, and paying way too much for theme park food. That's life in Disneyland...and a very peculiar kind of magic if you ask me but that's o.k. because they have something for dad too!...Disney's Star Wars ride, Star Tours, has been revamped to be a completely new experience with up to 50 alternate endings. That's a lot of waiting in line and don't think my kids are THAT patient with me. But speaking of patience....

99%

In my humble north bay town of Santa Rosa a tent city has grown on the lawn of City Hall. They are Occupy Santa Rosa. I never thought that a town like mine would see an Occupy encampment, after all....we are not a center for banking or finance. What is there to "occupy" really by a few square feet of grass on the grounds of a  city that it probably of like mind to the protesters. Much has been speculated in our local news as to how long the city will allow them to remain camped out. Everyone talks about what happened in Oakland as if it could happen here. I know that it wont, but everyday I drive by them and wonder that this movement has hit my hometown.

I have been debating writing this post for some time. Partly because it will be unabashedly political, but also because I wanted to wait and see what the Occupy Wall Street movement would become. Lately, it seems it has been in the news for all the wrong reasons and the core ideas that drove so many to protest are becoming lost in divisive and demonizing tactics on both sides of the picket line. I think it's time to weigh in because we as a gay family and a law enforcement family are a part of the 99% too.

Cold and Flu Season Strikes Again

*Bleh*....it's that time of year when the colds and flu's start to circulate and I am feeling like my head is stuffed full of cotton....and you don't even want to know what my nose is up to. I have tried to write at least ten times today but I can't seem to muster the focus to put together coherent sentences. (yes...I know, never stopped my before right?)

It always begins with the schools....first one classmate is gone, then another is out for a week, then they start dropping like flies...each of them spreading around something I know is gonna come home soon. Selena gives me the breakdown on who was out and for how long because she totally keeps tabs on her classmates that way. I know who got the broken arm and who barfed and had to go home because she will totally tell me everything in stomach churning detail. I often wonder why kids who are sick still end up at school but I guess when both parents work that kinda thing is just going to happen. So when a handfull of kids went absent last week I knew it was coming. And no amount of vitamin C will stop it's reign of terror.

First it was our oldest Foster boy(I call him crash) with the upset stomach that knocked him out for a night then quickly cleared up. Then it was Daniel with the same issue and now its sore throats and runny noses for everybody!...Yay!!!!!....ugh. One by one the seasonal bugs are taking us out as they do each year flu shot or no flu shot. Now all the kids are better and off at school collecting the next round of bugs that they will circulate amongst the rest of us. I

When kids get sick they get to curl up in front of the T.V. and snuggle in a warm blanket. I totally miss those days. My kids love being home, but they hate being made to sit still...even in front of the tv. One afternoon of that and they are chomping at the bit to go back to school. I was soooo not like that at there age. Any chance to stay out of school I milked for all it was worth. But today, when dad gets sick...he has to empty the dishwasher, answer emails, mind the concrete guys working in the back, and make sure everything keeps functioning. Taking time out for a nap can often be out of the question. It's just a part of the job...but I really could use a warm, soft blanket and some chicken soup right now.

Ah well. enough complaining...expecially since I know that this is only round one. check out this fridays A Gay Collab video and you will totally hear the sick in my voice...it sounds like puberty all over again. In the mean time I will go back to

Right To Love....Just Don't Pray

Many of my readers may already be aware that our family has been the focus of a documentary about Prop 8 and our YouTube activism called Right To Love: An American Family. The movie has been in production for quite a while and I am happy to report that it is   nearing completion and should be ready very soon. In preparation for release...Jayebird productions put together a new teaser trailer which I have posted above.

Now the reason I bring this up today is not really to bump the trailer but more to discuss an issue that has frustrated both my husband and myself. We have been sending this trailer out to any gay blogs we can think of in the hopes of highlighting the project, but they have been kicking it back because there is a scene with us saying grace around the dinner table. Now....blogs can pick and choose what they want to promote, and probably get inundated with a ton of requests from people asking them to promote their personal projects, I won't fault anyone for trying for controling their own content. The part that gets me, is that one blog admitted that it was the prayer specifically that made them uncomfortable. That is incredibly frustrating to me and my husband who see walls of posts on the blogs about celebrities coming out and how to check out hot guys on google maps....but no one wants to touch a project that could help change the way people see gay families because they are uncomfortable with it's rather tame and low key religious element.

My question to my readers is....Are we wrong to be frustrated by this?  It seems that we focus alot of sex, celebritities, tragedies, and hate mongers...that stuff brings the readers and lights up the comment boards....but when it comes to more positive projects, no one has any interest. Take a look at the trailer and decide for yourself. What is in there that is so provocative?....or is showing our everyday life in film format just not as provocative Zachary Quinto coming out?  You decide and let me know what you think...

Until next time dear readers....

Getting Schooled Again...

While the nation considers the impact of the credit downgrade, the worst of the worst of the GOP battle it out to see who can be the most rabidly homophobic nominee for president, and the internet squabbles over petitions demanding that Bert and Ernie get married....for the rest of us, real life marches on. So it is that our summer is coming to a close, My son turns eleven, and that means....it's back to school again.

In the next four days we will be getting our back to school haircuts, as well as shopping for mountains of school supplies and new clothes....enough for four children. With all that gear, it will be time to get back into our disciplined schooltime routines by Wednesday, the first day of school. The kids are not the only ones who are excited and bummed out all at the same time. the end of summer means letting go of all the fun things we did and the luxury of sleeping in(which I will miss most) and video games on weekdays. However, with a new school year also comes the anticipation of seeing old friends, learning new things, and making the parents proud/sad at how fast our kids are growing up. This year, should prove to be a big one...

The Case Of The Terrible Tattlers

Its was a hot, gritty summer....The kind of summer where the sun strikes shadows so deep you can swim in them and the heat drives people to do crazy things. The kinda things that always lead to trouble. And when when that trouble hits the fan who do you think they call? That's right...me...The Dad Detective....

It was on one of these hot summer days, when I was in my office...just trying to keep my cool in an overheated world when she walked in. She was my Daughter Selena, and while she may have only been three feet tall.... she had a laundry list of grievances and a chip on her shoulder a mile high. "Dad! Charlie is doing back flips off the couch and now he's stealing my spot!" "Really?", I said, "If he's jumping off the couch, how come I didn't hear anything?" "Because it happened earlier when you were gone and Daddy Jay put him down for nap...but now he's taking my spot!!!!", she cried...clearly on the verge of tears. But I cut her off at the pass..."Save the water works for Daddy Jay sister...this dads seen it too many times. If Charlie committed the crime and already did the time, why are you coming to me?"  "Because he took my spot and won't give it back!"...she choked out through the tears. "Well Toots.....I'm not sure what you need me for" I replied, "Your six now and that means you know how to use your words to solve these kinds of problems." "Did you ask him for your spot back?", I asked. She appeared to think about this for a moment and then weakly replied, "No...but...it's my spot....*sniff*"  I headed her off again,...."I know, I know...its your spot. I get it. But I also know that you are a big girl and when Charlie and Marlene aren't necessarily doing what you want them to do, you come running to me instead of trying to work it out yourself first. Now you go back in there and sort this thing out with your words." To this she stomped out of the room with defeated air of one who feels there is no justice in the world. But off she went anyway.

 "Case closed", I said to myself..... Or so I thought....

Big Gay Vacation 2011 Roundup

Welcome back everyone...another "Big Gay Vacation" has come and gone and now its time for me to get back to the real world. I am truly sad it is over because I have had to say goodbye to ten people that I grew very close to over the course of our time together. Along with our family, we were joined by...Gary and his boyfriend Clyde, Sameer and Reid, Scott, Stephen, Jerome, Ryan, Quincey, and our good friend Wolfy. Our time may have been short, but...we made the very best of the time we had.

The river home we rented for the princely sum of $6000 for the week consisted of a two bedroom main home, a detached one bedroom granny unit, and a two bedroom duplex. The grounds had a hot tub (That we made very good use of), a volley ball court, as well as a fantastic wooded property that felt like you were in your own secluded estate. There were mature trees loaded with summer plums and in the evening the setting sun turned all the leaves golden as the swayed in a gentle summer breeze. Additionally it came with easy access to the river for swimming, canoeing, and Kayaking...all things we did a great deal of in our time at the river.

I am not trying to function as free advertising for the property, but to describe a place that will forever live in my memories as a sanctuary from the world. Even though the property may have idyllic and serene...we were often anything but. Allow me to tell you a few of my fonder memories from the "big Gay Vacation house"....

Blog Update

This is just a note to everyone who may be wondering whats happening and why there haven't been new posts in almost a week. Yikes! I feel like such a bad, bad blogger! Well....It's summer and its time for our annual Big Gay Camping Trip. This year we are headed out to the Russian River to hang out with a few friends and enjoy some of Northern California's many attractions...not to mention being lazy at the river :) Who would guess that preparing to be lazy all week would be so much work!  I have spent most of this week in preparation, which has left little room for blogging.

We will be back up and running by Saturday the 16th and hopefully I will have lots of stories to tell you all. I hope everyone enjoys their summer. Its getting very very hot here and escaping into the redwoods will be a welcome relief. Talk to you all again soon!
Bryan

Sean Chapins..The (Don't Say) Gay Song

For those of you who may not be aware of the Ruckus out of Tennessee, lawmakers want to make it illegal for Teachers and grade schoolers in grades K-8 talk about the fact that some people are gay. You just can't talk about it....at all. It's as if they think not talking about us will prevent kids from knowing we exist. I imagine that this will  make certain history lessons problematic(enola gay?)...but that's right, we don't teach history here in America anymore...silly me..

The response to this ridiculous bill has been to point out it's obvious logic flaws and well...it's utter ridiculousness. In this spirit our good friend Sean Chapin has worked his magic to put together and awesome music video in a parody of Bruno Mars "The Lazy Song". Our family got to be a part of making the video along with Sean who was Director extraordinaire,  Justin Taylor as the disapproving principle, Maureen de Nieva as the Teacher. Long time viewers may recognize Maureen as the Pretty Pink Princess who falls in love with the Page from Sean's take on the banned children's book "King and King"...another of Seans productions we were honored to take part in.

This Shoot was alot of fun and allowed us all to feel like actors for a day. The kids had a great time and took direction from Sean a BILLION times better than they ever would take it from me. Sean could have asked them to jump through flaming hoops and they would have done it with a smile and I can't even get them to pick up their toys off the floor without having to use "the voice". We literally filmed all day and in nearly every room of our house. Both Jay and I we asked to do a few things that made us deeply self conscious and we honestly feared for what the final product would be...not because of Sean mind you, but because of us. When he told us there would be dancing involved, it took everything we had not to bolt out the door. But when I saw that he has finally uploaded the video on his channel, I called the kids together and we all watched it with no small amount of trepidation. What happened is that we laughed our asses off...What Sean pulled together from the tons of scenes we filmed that day is amazing and totally made us forget that it was us doing those things. After it's all said and done we were all very proud to have been a part of such a fun video and we hope that it will make you laugh and maybe think a little bit too.

please take a moment to drop by Sean Chapins YouTube Channel and let him know what an awesome job he did. And if you enjoyed this please share it with your friends!

Until next time Dear readers....

My Son's First Crush

Every day our kids get a little bigger. Sometimes that growth is easy to see, like when we they learn how to tie their own shoes or when we mark another inch on the growth chart. But along with all the changes they are making outside, they are also maturing inside and it's those changes that can sometimes catch us very off guard as parents. I mean...we know their coming at someday in a theoretical future...but when they actual get here it's still hard to imagine that those words are coming out of your childs mouth. This last week my some has been blowing me away and making me wonder were the little boy has gone. My son Daniel likes a girl...and likes her enough to tell her so in front of his friends. Oh man...I am proud of him and scared to death all at the same moment. Who would have guessed that such a simple part of growing up would fell so complicated.

Foster Parenting Can Tuff...Saying Goodbye

Day two and I am still at the hospital and may be here until tonight. Meanwhile, the baby went back to his uncles this morning and I'm a little weepy about it. This is the same baby who had me pulling out my hair the first two weeks of his time with us, but I knew that with time would come attachment...and so it was. I will miss him at the same time that I am glad that he is in a good home with family members. Be well baby boy my thoughts are with you...

Talk to you all very soon I hope and...Until next time dear readers...

GFV Update...Why We Dropped Off The Radar

Yes...I have been a bad bad blogger. It has been over a week since I have written anything and I feel like I owe everyone an explanation....

2010...The Year In Review

2010 was quite a ride. As the horizon of a new year begins to sweep its way across the globe. I thought it would be appropriate to take a look back at everything that happened this year. Funny...it never seems like that much until you begin to put it all in one place. Then the enormity of this years happenings really shines through.

 

 Paul the Psychic Octopus passed away before he could predict Jullian Assange and Bradly Manning who Wikileaked into infamy, while the BP oil spill just leaked...for three months. Haiti and Chili weathered intense earthquakes...while in the U.S Economy was ruled officially "out of recession" yet most Americans lost jobs and homes and generally sank deeper in debt. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court ruled that Corporations can be considered as "individuals" and paved the way for unparalleled political corruption. Nuclear proliferation continued in North Korea and Iran and  all the while the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan ground on.

 

Had enough? .....Thats not even the gay rights stuff yet. In the back and forth between success and failure that was the DADT repeal and the tragedies of gay suicide or the utter farce of the Rekers "Rentboy" scandal...2010 was an intense year for us all...lets take a look back...