Attack of The Teenage years...One Year Too Soon

They are Here! There are ravenous, and they will make you want to scream in terror! They are....the teenage years!

Seriously...When I was a newbie parent and talking to veteran parents about raising children, they ALL had one warning to give...."Just wait till they're teenagers!"  Each of them echoed the same warning...all of them, to a one...a fact which is creepy enough by itself. However, I shrugged off their warnings as so much cynical ramblings and after all, my son was only five and all that teenage stuff seemed so far away that I didn't have to worry about it. So, like the ill-fated kids of Camp Crystal Lake I blithely set off to a date with the monster. But like a beast stalking us from the shadows...it lay in wait for seven years until it was time to strike.

For those of you doing the math...yes, that means my son is now Twelve and not exactly a teenager. I feel like I am cheating myself out of being able to write this post next year but...just like movie monsters leap out at you when you expect them the least, neither did my sons teenage traits wait till his chronological aged ticked over from twelve to thirteen. It's here and it's demanding to be dealt with....(cue B-movie scream)
Most of us can remember what we were like as teenagers and hopefully the passage of time has given us the ability to be honest about how difficult we were to deal with. At least I can. Even though my parents didn't understand me...to be quite frank, I didn't understand myself . Consequentially, I was kind of a jerkwad. I just wanted the freedom that came with adulthood and to not be acountable to my parents for anything. While I was never a kid that smoked, drank, or dressed in ways my parents found wierd, I never the less found was to drive them nuts.

And now it's begining to happen to my son and I can see the change happening to him day by day. The first sign that something was amiss was when he stated caring about what kind of clothes he wore and wanting to be more stylish. Then came questions about girls...now the most Daniel had ever coming to an interest in romance was to declare his love to a cookiee right before eating it. Also, the kids in his class are pairing off and beginning to have relationship drama's of their own. It was beginning to become clear that big changes were afoot. The issues that Daniel was having to confront were much more complex....and as he would talk to me about his friends latest relationship blow-up I could see that Daniel wasn't just asking about something happening to someone else that didn't really resonate with him personally....he was involved. Even though we were talking about his friends at school, in a way, we were really talking about Daniel.

and just as the issues that Daniel was facing at school were become more complex, so were the issues that we have begun to face at home:

This isn't how I was at twelve...hell, all I wanted in the whole world was a shopping spree at Toys-R-Us and a few packs of garbage pail kids from the local convenience store....but then again, I was a late bloomer. I need to remember that all of us develop differently. Daniel has had "the talk" at home and the puberty talk at school...but  little did I know just how much those topics were on his mind. We have always told him that with sexuality comes responsibility, just like in any other part of life...but dealing with issues like these just further drives home that Daniel is growing up and the issues we are dealing with are teen ones....oh joy...

Another sign of teenage angst is moodiness and we've got that in spades. I always thought it was a stereotype but..no...it's true. The bright and cheerful boy that always used to follow me around the house talking my ear off  is being replaced by a much more sullen version that rolls his eyes a lot. It may sound weird to some, but Daniel has always been the kind of kid to just roll with whatever was happening. He was never easily annoyed or quick to anger. Even when he did get angry of upset about things it passed very quickly....not so anymore. Now there are excuses and self defense for anything and protestations that holding him accountable for undone homework and chores is somehow "not fair". The even keeled kid with the easy smile now has his emotions right on the surface.

but by far, the hardest part of seeing Daniel into his teenage years is the feeling of pulling away. My son who used to tell me everything regardless of how small is now developing his own identity and a complex emotional world and sometimes he just wants his dad to butt out of it. With all the questions and issues that revolve around love, sex, and relationships, I know that he is having thoughts and opinions about it that he doesn't want to tell me about and this is a trend that I know is only going to get deeper as he becomes more of his own person. He will want his friends more and his Dad a whole lot less. It sucks..and I kinda feel like I'm temporarily losing a friend.

As a parent, seeing your kids become more emotionally independent is scary. Your used to holding their hands when they cross roads, not standing on the corner and watching them cross alone. It's kind of a powerless feeling. They are beginning to have a social life now that you are not included in and that makes it harder to protect them from harm the way you used to. You can't hold their hand anymore and you have to learn to let go a little bit and let them learn to be their own person....while at the same time you watch them like a hawk (lol).

I have to say that I never expected to run into these issues at twelve. It feels too soon, but the transformation from boy to teen has already begun. As much as I want all this to wait a couple of years I know that this is what's happening and we need to deal with it. Daniel is becoming a teenager and we have begun that emotional roller-coaster ride that hopefully ends with a well rounded human being at the end. Along the way I know will be a lot of arguments and a few slammed doors, more mega-restrictions and hair-graying behaviors, first dates and broken hearts...maybe some feelings of feeling different for being adopted and/or having two dads. I don't know what's coming, I just know that it is and mentally I am beginning to brace myself.

I hope that one day I wont be warning some other hopeful parent about the horrors of raising teens. With every passing year I grow to like who my son is more and more and I continue to be proud of who he is becoming. Even if we have rough moments ahead I want to believe that we are going to walk out of this with some stories to tease him about to his children...and just as close as we have always been. He may be becoming as teen, and I may need to let him have that distance he needs to grow, but he will still be my boy and that will never change.

But if we can survive this first harrowing encounter with teendom, I can't imagine the basket case I'm going to be when Selena becomes a teen...(cue B-movie scream).

Until next time dear readers....