Wednesday, December 2, 2009
New York...and Another Kick In The Teeth
New York has finally had its vote on gay marriage and it has failed.
I don't know how this can possibly be, in a city that is built on the backs of so many gay people. To me, it seems like political suicide and that those who voted against had better watch out when they frequent establishments that are owned or employ gays and in New York, that's alot of places...but then, what do I know, I'm not from New York.
It still feels like a kick in the teeth when your already down though. I am angry. I shouldn't be...after all I can't control what other people are going to do. I can't change the world merely be willing it to be the way I want it to be....but none the less I am still angry. When will this end?
A year that started so bright and full of promise is ending on a bitter and cold note. Gay people like recently outed Meredith Baxter Burney say stupid stuff about how marriage isn't necessary, meanwhile continue to enjoy its benefits and still our rights get spit on...we get spit on by our families...sometimes our friends, and certainly our society.
Yes I a doom cloud but I have to get this out because I know I am not the only one seeing defeat after defeat and wondering why no one else seems to care. Its like the world has gone insane.
My grandma always used to tell me that if I am still carrying all these angry/sad feelings around, then I haven't really left them in GODS hands. Well, this is my wake up call I guess, even though you work hard to see a better future come true,...ultimately it isn't in your hands. I'm doing my best to let it go and to trust GOD...its hard not to let it bother me sometimes.I do not want to become like an Anakin Skywalker...consumed by anger and motivated to do awful things to make his will come true....but... I am genuinely and truly bone deep angry and this feeling seems to follow me everywhere I go now.
I am sorry to the people of New York and also Argentina. I am sorry that the rest of the world cannot see us as human beings. I am sorry for the hopes that were raised in you and then suddenly dashed.
When its all said and done and they are too tired to kick us anymore...when they think we can not possibly get up...we will. We will stand up again, smile in there faces and say "is that all you've got?! " and spit our blood right in their faces.
That's how I'm feeling right now...I know that this may pass. I post it because I need to know that I am not alone, and to let you know that you are not alone...no matter how dark it may feel right now. Keep living well, find your reason to be happy no matter how small it is and remember that sometimes life has lessons for us that we can't always understand when we are standing in them.