Thursday, January 28, 2010

Courage...Your Doin It Right..

When we first started making videos of our family on Youtube, it was meant as a means to reach out to heterosexual society. We wanted to reach the people who voted for propositions like prop 8 and hopefully show them that we were what they were voting on, not an abstract concept. We were hoping that showing our lives, in intimate detail, would put the lie to what organizations like NOM put forward in their campaigns. We also had hoped that the other gay families, that we know are out there, would be encouraged to make a similar statement. That was our goal and intent.....well....something else happened too...

We started getting letters and emails from gay people saying, "Thank you for showing us what a gay family looks like....I didn't think it was possible". Sometimes people email us simply because they have no other gay people in their lives to look to or no one that they can admit their feelings to, which is a very subtle type of hell...coming from someone who knows. But why bring all this up now?...because this just came to us this morning:

Wow...Courage comes in two forms here: First, in revealing himself in such and intimate way. Second, in taking the risk of being outed to his family and community...that takes stones...While we were glad to be the was your courage that made this video, CAYOMluver. It was your courage that motivated you to deal openly and honestly with your sexuality and how it will affect the way you live your life....And this from a young man in Peru with no support whatsoever.

I want to be absolutely clear about this....This is why we keep doing this...We may reach the straight community...we may not....No one will ever know if what we do has had any effect there. But getting responses like this young mans rocked us to the core. Both Jay and I remember well the feeling of isolation and internal struggle that come with accepting that your gay and being able to do little or nothing about it.

We have recieved more email comments like these:

"...I live in an Islamic country which, as you know, does not give even the right to stay alive to gay people. So its obvious that I have not any connection with gay people because they are hiding here..."

"...I am sixteen and am gay, or possibly bi. I have always felt terrible about it, especially feeling as if I couldn't have a normal life if I told anyone..."

"....I've known I'm gay since I was about 13. I've been trying to deny it and its pretty much made me hate myself and made me extremely insecure. Everyone thinks I'm straight and have said how funny it would be if I turned out to be gay. I don't know how to deal with it and I keep to myself way too much. So, I've never talked to anyone about it..."
This is just a handfull of what pours in on a regular basis. If you take a look at our revolver map or the Feedjit traffic widget below, you will see locations pop up that blow my mind because even getting caught surfing a gay sight is grounds for death in some of these places. Saudi Arabia, Dubai, Kuala Lumpur, Lithuania, and Russia.. Even our good friend and regular commenter K!r!lleXXI(who I pronounce as Kirilexxi), Lives his life in a nation that is getting progressively more hostile to gays...where its o.k. to hit a gay man on camera(yes i've seen this), pride marches are met with angry mobs, and your countries leadership publicly proclaims you "Satanic".

To  me...its the very definition  of courage to go against death threats and still live your life. It takes great big brass nuggets to take the massive amounts of shame that can be dished out by society and ...sometimes our families...and still find a way to thrive. It humbles Jay and I...and inspires us. Just like CAYOMluvers videos above. If he can take the risk to make that video...than how can we not also continue to put ourselves out there.


  1. I can't watch the videos because they are set to private. Maybe they are meant just for you?

  2. Me too, I think the kid did it for yo guys ^^

    But what you said isn´t true, you reach everyone in this world. Just Goblin, Lexxi, me and other are not from USA an we are the regular posters here.

    You guys will always be in my heart

  3. Being out and honest is the only way society will change as far as gay rights are concerned. Your vids show a real family. They show that you are not satanists, pedophiles, mentally ill. The world sees the amount of love that you give to your beautiful children and to each other. How in the world anyone could argue against gay marriage after watching your videos is beyond me.

    I wish that I had the internet and had a channel like yours to watch when I was younger. I KNOW I would not have wasted my '20's to lonliness and fear if I had....
    Thanks guys.

  4. Your videos inspire people everyday, as well as this blog. Too bad the video is on private cause I am interested to see what he said about you guys and see if his feelings are similar to mine. I have been admiring your guy's videos for a while and I am very happy I stumbled on your channel. It helped me take a step towards gaining the strength to be myself.

  5. Bryan, the situation has improved in Saudi Arabia in the past 30 years but it's still dangerous for the LGBT's. At least now, the Saudi government pays for the reassignment surgery for inter-sexed ( not gays!!!) persons under specific medical conditions. The surgery is also available in Iran and other countries.

    Also, the internet helped develop an underground community that did not exit when I lived over there.

    I have one brother and one sister who know I am gay and they are very supportive of me.

    But it's interesting that I left the country 25 years ago and I live in the US but I still don't feel comfortable giving my real name here or on Facebook.

    It's like my brother said I will always live with 2 identities and I am OK with that ;-)

  6. I have to apologize for the video's. After I loaded them I logged out of blogger and viewed them to make sure they would work...and they did. I just didn't think that the reason they worked was because I was logged in to Youtube. ....I apologize for my blond moment...though it probably wont be the last. It kinda made me look dumb and I'm kinda embarrased.

    Sorry everyone.

  7. Oh Bryan,,,we all make mistakes and your fans love you so much they don't care whatever you do,,,,,but that "blond moment" thing created an image in my mind of you in drag with a big blond wig,,,,LOL,,,

  8. Awww Bryan don't be embarrassed! Now I am going to hijack your blog for a minute, please excuse me

    @Jim Stone

    Hey Jim you are 100% right about the coming out thing, I know you have said it before. There was a big gay story in the news in the UK here this week and it made me think of you! I was meaning to message you about it. Hopefully you will read this.

    Basically every 25 years there is a big survey of British attitudes to almost everything imaginable, it is a nice way of tracking the way society changes.

    In 1985 something like 67% of people thought homosexuality was wrong. In this years survey 34% of people thought homosexuality was always or mostly wrong. Now 34% of people is still too many for my taste but is a dramatic drop. The most dramatic drop in the survey. As such it was a big news story.

    Most pundits agreed it was because of the coming out effect. In the 90s the government started to introduce laws that made discriminating against gay people harder and harder. As a result people started to come out at the workplace or in public. As one right wing former anti gay news editor put it "you expect to see at least one gay couple at a wedding these days".

    This meant that a lot more people knew (or I should say knew they knew) gay people and knowing is loving as they say. The newspapers suddenly found they were unpopular if they ran opening antigay stuff so the stopped, gay characters got in most TV shows and the rest is history.

    So basically your theory was proved right! I listen to about four different news programs where sociologists and pundits credited it for the 33% drop.

    The other good news is that most of the 34% are elderly people, as one news presenter put it: by the next 25 year survey they will have aged out of the system. Woohoo.

  9. I agree with the importance of coming out politically, and when more and more started to do so that probably is what helped lessen the shame/self-hatred I felt. Great entry although now I am feeling way guilty for still being in the closet. -__-

    I am almost sure I will be coming out eventually though (not too long ago I'd planned on never doing so). I just don't want to come out until I am totally ready.

  10. @u3q2v
    It's ok, just come out when you feel like it's the right time. I am still in the process myself I have come out to mainly friends, but not much family. It's a start when you do plan to eventually come out. I wish you well on your coming out process.

  11. I'm so glad that I stumbled upon your youtube videos and blog a while back. Every time I watch your videos and read what Bryan has written, I gain a little more courage to be myself. We hear more and more that it's ok to be gay, but you guys show that it's ok. Thank you.


    I am also in the process of coming out. One thing that I have come to realize is that coming out is not a race. You need to take things at your own pace. The important thing is that you move forward.