Monday, May 9, 2011

Who's Your Momma...

Well Mothers Day has come and gone. I hope everyone had a chance to spend some quality time with their moms to say thanks for all the little things they do for us everyday. Me and the kids got to spend some time with Grandma who turned out to be the only mother who didn't have somewhere else to be on "Mothers Day".....oh well.

I don't know if anyone saw this weeks Modern Family in which they take on Mothers Day. It included a rather funny segment in which same-sex parents Cam and Mitchel get into an argument...well...Cam has a full drama meltdown actually...because Mitchel regards him as the "mom" in the relationship. This sent Cam over the edge because because everyone treated it as if it was his holiday and this was just too much of a threat to
his manhood and it drove him to do those ridiculous things that only people in sitcoms do. It was funny enough to watch on television...until Jay turned to me and said "that is so you. You're the mom in this family. (insert sound of record scratch here).....say what?!

and of course he found every opportunity to drive the point home...including in our Mother's Day video included after the fold.

So really..I'm not going to go all Cam and start doing ridiculously overcompensating actions because I might be perceived as the "mommy". I don't consider it a slight against my masculinity in the slightest. Especially because some of the strongest people I have known in my life were women. That said...I don't regard myself as a mom. I'm a dad and I try to be the best dad I can be with the tools I have at hand.  I do however, find it kind of funny that people...and some husbands like mine....take comfort when they can pigeon hole people in "mommy" or "daddie" roles. I guess it makes people feel better when they can imagine June Cleaver in the kitchen while ward sits on his ass in the den. As I stated in the video, the notion that "Moms are more nurturing and take care of the home," while "dads are strict disciplinarians who bring home the bacon" died sometime in the sixties when June burned her bra and moved into a commune. It was a nice fantasy that made for great TV but it sure as hell never represented the majority real life families. But I digress on the social commentary.....

I am the parent who stays at home. I help the kids do their homework, shuttle them to school and extracurricular activities, I bandage the boo-boo's and dole out the healing kisses. And...yes...I am a big softy about some issues that Jay draws a firm line on. Does that make me the mom? I don't think so. I'm just trying to be the bast at-home daddy I can be. Or more accurately...the best parent and sometimes that means you have to wear alot of hats. Doctor, spell checker, psychologist, chauffeur, personal assistant, chef........but never the maid...oh hell no. Pick up your own dam clothes thank you very much. I don't think any of that is a job with a gender, it's just what it takes to keep the barely controlled chaos that is the average home with children from exploding out onto the street. Now I KNOW why my mom occasionally threatened to send my bother and me back to the zoo...occasionally we belonged behind bars. It was just safer for the rest of society. Yet, for all they do every day. Moms make the job look easy....or is that because we didn't stop to recognize the signs of a parent on the edge of a breakdown....Sorry Ma. I can't imaging trying to do all of this AND go to work too...that's a heroic task and not one that I think I could manage. Some moms call that everyday life.

So...I don't care if I get pegged as the "mommy". It actually makes me feel a little bit proud deep down inside....though I will probably never admit it again. I like being a dad. We get to be goofy in all the funnest ways. I have never felt the need to split up what Jay and I do into traditional "mommy" and "daddy" stuff. To me its our life and we are fortunate enough to have two of us to share the load...even if that load comes in diaper form. Mom's can be tough...Dad's can have a gentler why the need to be all one or the other? It never made much sense and being a two dad family, even less so.

To all the mommies out there rockin the mommy job...and all the dads who find themselves in the same boat...and for all the parents who have to be both...I wish a happy belated Mothers Day. Now, if where the heck was my breakfast in bed?....I feel robbed.

Until next time dear readers...


  1. Hey Bryan
    I watched your Video the day u posted it & loved it.... I had also had to wear two hats when raising my son.... which was great cos my son acknowledged me on father's day as well as mother's day....funny that as I sit in the library (after Psychology which we were talking about GENDER ROLES among other related topics) that I check the laptop & Find a post from you about the same topic so well done & I hope U made Jay pay 4 the comment he made on your UTube
    Take Care

  2. I like how you worked HATS in your blog reminds me on a vlog that I saw. I do see you as the nurturer and the protector as I see Jay in those roles as well. This reminds me of people that would say about same sex couples who is the man and who is the woman in the relationship and my response would be, taking a line from Star Trek The Next Generation, "Who ever is taller" don't think they got it either that things but I tried to remind them that things can be switched up

  3. Thanks! I love reading this.

  4. Another great post, Bryan. I actually had a dream about you and Jay about a week ago! In the dream, you and I had a great chat about life, philosophy, spirituality, etc., and then the next thing I knew...I was helping Jay fix your kitchen faucet -- weird, right?! :)

    Hopefully you will get your breakfast in bed on Father's Day!

    Matt in NYC

  5. Simply amazing and touching! Bryan you need to acknowledge that you are a great inspirational interesting writer and that Jay and yourself make a great family.

    Keep on writing!

  6. Sometimes people forget to adjust their perspective when looking at same-sex couples.

    Observing a homosexual relationship through a heterosexual lens always causes some confusion. I think we just need to be mindful of that difference in perspective when the uninitiated begin applying labels.