Thursday, December 31, 2009

Year Round Up...The Best of 2009!

Chase away the storm clouds of that last post...its time for the best of 2009!

2010! Thats such an absurd number to me! That date always represented "the future" know...the one with flying cars and robots that did all our work for us before becoming sentient and exterminating us?...Ah Arther C. Clark we miss you. What will we dream next, now that we have crossed into that territory marked  "here there be dragons!"?

Its hard to believe everything that happened this year! It was so full of events that Its hard to believe that they all happened in a single year. Both my kids got alot bigger and Daniel broke his arm, we saw marriage for gays and lesbians take a step forward in some surprising places, and certain individualls really stepped up to the plate this let take a look at our lives in 2009...

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Year Round Up...Our Worst moments of 2009


I cant believe we have been making Youtube videos for over a year now. It really has been a year of big highs and gut-wrenching lows. Never before in my life have I been this plugged in to the comings and goings of politics and human events. It has been an serious education for us as well as an emotional rollercoaster.

 Along the way we have met and made friendships with people from around the world that we would never have met if it hadn't been for a certain civil rights-stripping proposition. but that is my take on some of the worst moments of 2009 in the world gay rights and marriage without further ado...brace yourself, lets rewind 2009...

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Wedded Bliss...At Last

For those of us who have been following the story of Jose Maria Di Bello and Alex Freyre's struggle to marry in the country of Argentina, yesterday held a wonderfull surprise, reported on Edge New England.


Kissing Cousins

I found this New York Times map on Queerty this moring and it made me want to puke. I followed it up to find the original New York Times article. I can't believe that this situation stands.

I don't begrudge anyone the ability to love who they chose as long as they are consenting adults. Having a whole world stand against you really drives that lesson home. But this map comparison points out the fact that, while America is not o.k. with Same-sex marriage, they are quite o.k. with letting these laws remain on the books. does anyone else see a disconnect here?...or is this just a further indication of our place in the societal pecking order? In addition, I wonder how many of these coupled cousins would support same-sex marriage where it to come to their state? Lets talk this out because I am thouroughly flummoxed by this little news tidbit.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Apron Strings

Sometimes I read something in the blogosphere that sends my mind down shadowy paths. Today held just such an emotional ambush at Pams House Blend. "Christmas: Baby Please Come Home", written by Mercedes, is a diary post detailing her estranged relationship with her mother and the feelings that enevitably come up during the holidays when the Christmas cards arrive. The source of Mercedes estrangement from her family is the fact that she is transgendered, transitioning from male to female and their is NO support or acceptance from her family. Instead she is treated as the family shame....not exactly the makings of a merry Christmas. but also a story that resonates with many of us.

Why it touched me so deeply that I had to share was because her description of her relationship with her mother was like hearing my own...and my mom has been on my mind alot this last week. Things are not so good there.

Let me be clear...I know a great many people feel like aliens in their own families. Thats the process of separating ourselves from those who raised us and becoming our own individuals with our own drives, thoughts, opinions, etc. You don't have to be gay, lesbian, trangendered, what have you, to feel like an outsider amongst those with whom you grew up.

That said....I'd like to talk about my mom today, and maybe exorcize a very old demon. When I write these blog posts I imagine them not only going out into the world to be read by a handfull of fellow human beings...but also into the universe, into the ether where all our thoughts, ideas and prayers are heard. Maybe in the telling, something can change for the better between my mom and myself.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Silent Film Swooning

Wings (1927) has the distiction of taking home the first Acadamy Award for "Best Picture" but did you know that it also has the distiction of showing the first on-screen same-sex kiss? Granted, it is presented as a "fraternal' kiss between one buddy sending his friend into the great blue beyond but its still the first time one mans lips touched another man on celuloid. Of course, by Hollywoods reasoning...if one man is going to kiss another man someone had dam well better be dying. Despite the movies outward story and the heterosexual love interests...this scene alone points to a very strong undertone of homosexual relationship between Jack and David, our two WWI heroes.

I couldn't help but be touched at the intimacy between these two men in this scene and it made me wonder how many closeted gay men, watching this in 1927,  wished for a love like that. It always takes me aback when I see two men kiss and share love on screen. Not because its shocking, but because we see such things so rarely that when we do, their impact is huge. I remember watching "Brokeback Mountain" how my heart beat like a drum through the whole movie. It made me want to sweep jay up in my arms like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'hara and have a big screen kiss of my own. I wish everyone could know such moments in life. It makes me sad that a whole generations of men and women hide to hide those moments or cover them with a heterosexual veneer...ah well, I'm getting maudlin now...*sigh*

Needless to say...even though this little clip was sad in its outward story and so subtle in its implied moved me...and I had my own little silver screen sigh....I hope you will too.

Happy Holidays everyone....till next time...

Friday, December 25, 2009

A little Holiday Turkey

Stop Christmas from coming?! way!

No matter whether you heart may be two sizes to small...we here at the Leffew household wish you a Merry Christmas!

Thursday, December 24, 2009

"Know Your Mo"...The LGBT Flag

The Rainbow flag has been a symbol of gay rights for as long as I can remember being aware of there being such a thing as "gay". It has been a source of comfort and pride as well as a source for derision. Whatever your feelings about the flag there is no denying that it is forever linked with the gay rights movement. You can't go two steps at a pride march without running into a booth hawking a zillion different rainbow colored items from keychains and tiny flags to rainbow colored vodka bottles. But what do we really know about this ubiquitous symbol of the GLBTQ community?...I was surprised to find out...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Ladies Knight

Joe Bennet: Pencils/Jack Jadson: Inks/Alex Sinclair: Colors/Copyright DC Comics

Holy Homosexuals Batman! The joker must have slipped something into Batgirls drink because she doesn't like men in tights like we d*....Uh, I she used to!...and why is she snogging Catwoman?...

Finally!...batgirls out of the closet! ...the only question is what item in her utility belt she used to break out. Perhaps a little bat-courage?..bat-ingenuity? Only one thing is for sure, gone is the helpless sidekick, and in her place stands an ass-kicking  heroine.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Mexico City and Gay Marriage...Doin' it right

Do's and Don'ts for approval of marriage equality...the "Foot in the Door" method:

  • Do NOT submit to a popular state or nationwide vote.

  • Do NOT count on a single politician to be brave enough to take the heat alone or act on conscience.

  • Do NOT expect nationwide acceptance of gay rights without first letting people get there frightened little toes in the water first. Which leads us to...

..DO..begin with the legislature of a major city who is willing to bring marriage equality to reality and build from there....

Monday, December 21, 2009

Score One For Our Side

British Lions rugby player Gareth Thomas has come out and, by all accounts, this is sending shockwaves through the rugby world.....which is AWESOME.

Alright..this blogger has to admit right from the start that I have no interest or knowledge about sport of any kind. This has less to do with being gay and more to do with how I was brought up...but when I heard this story I couldn't help but stand up and cheer....but please forgive my sport-ignorance beforehand and read on...

Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Grass Is Always Greener

A long long time ago....before there was any gay marriage...

There was Cosca and Amola...

You probably already know that Jay and I are dyed-in-the-wool Star Wars fans. We will participate in just about anything that gets the Star Wars label. If they made a "Brick To The Head" Star Wars edition, I'd probably get that too.

So when Sony Online Entertainment and LucasArts announced they were working on a Star Wars based MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role playing game) under the name Star Wars Galaxies...we both squealed like little girls...well I did anyway. Little did we know the five year journey we would embark on, or the lessons about sexual identity we would learn along the way....which was unexpected, considering your not the everyday YOU in a game like this one.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

With Friends like These...

GLBTQ people are a very diverse group covering all classes and political backgrounds, but most GLBTQ people will tend to vote Democratic because of the perception that Democrats support our issues...and Democrats have no problem allowing that perception to stand as long as we donate money and vote. Lately however, our "fierce advocates" have been anything but fierce.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Catholic Charities...Nothings For Free

Many of my readers may be following the developments with marriage equality in Washington D.C.

Marriage for Gays and Lesbians passed the City Council by an 11-2 vote. That alone is cause for celebration. But what of Catholic Charities threat to remove its services to the citizens on D.C.?

A Washington Post article By Tim Craig and Michelle Boorstein details the original threat made by the Archdiocese of Washington to remove its services...which, among other services includes homeless shelters and adoption assitance.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

"What ifs?"...A Gay President.

What if America some extreme outside chance, elected an openly gay President? Or... What if we elected someone we thought was straight only to have Them come out after election? How would our world be different today? Would gay rights advance any faster?

This question is brought to us today by U.S. Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC), Who recently made this comment posted on

"It would be bothersome to me just personally because I consider it immoral."

And his thoughts on gays and our marriages?

“Governments should not be in the business of promoting a behavior that’s proven to be destructive to our society.”

What a prince...sadly he's drawing alot of conservative attention...but he's not our topic today, though he has provided grist for the mill.

Would having a gay President advance the cause of GLBTQ rights in America? This issue seems deceptively President= gay rights yes?...Not neccesarily.

Monday, December 14, 2009

A Love To Hide

Every once in a while a movie comes out of the blue that makes me sit up and take notice...fewer still, are the ones that move me to blog about them. Jay gets so many movies and some of them are real stinkers. But one movie showed up in our mailbox this weekend that redeemed Jays previous awful picks..."A Love To Hide".

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A love Unnatural...

O.K....being gay AND a fan of Star Wars, I simply could not resist posting this:


Rome may not have been built in a day, nor the Grand Canyon carved in a year, so why are so many of us down on marriage equality all the sudden?

It is true, that every vote that falls toward discrimination and exclusion of gays feels like a punch in the gut and serves as a clear reminder of where we sit in the cultural pecking order. I myself have crafted at least one pessimistic and overly dramatic post after New York failed to approve their marriage legislation. And who could blame us for being so pessimistic? Finding the negative in this situation is as easy as turning on the news. Especially when I read about our allies in marriage equality distancing themselves further from us with every ballot defeat. Fair weather Friends aren't really our friends anyway.

Even Maggie Gallagher has been crowing lately that marriage for gays is not inevitable....but hold on Mags....Just because you succeeded in pushing homophobia and intolerance in a few states, that does NOT mean the death nell for marriage equality. All it means is that the road is longer than we thought and the way ahead is not a straight line. We are the march of the tides...not the sudden rush of a flood.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Fun Thread...A Fan OF Teh Fuzz.

Last night I was informed that this blog writer had gotten entirely to serious lately and that this blog need not be a clearing house for political issues, which I had to grudgingly agree with. The world is full of bad news and if we soak in it 24/7 you can't help but become a bit of a storm crow. So, lets change gears a bit. and let me apologize in advance to my Lesbian and straight male readers...if there in fact are any, this threads a bit of a perv...

Yesterday in Queerty's "Morning Goods" section we a sight that stopped both Jay and Me cold:


Thursday, December 10, 2009

Breaking Developments...Uganda

Unfortunately bringing light to an issue doesn't automatically mean that change will occur. However in Uganda, it seems to be working even if in degrees. The individuals who comprise groups like "The Family"(total mob overtones there) reley on the fact that no one is watching what they are up to. But when it DOES then they backpeddle away from it. Thats what they are doing now. As Ugandan lawmakers remove the Death and imprisonment clauses from their "kill the gays" do the evangelicals who helped influence its creation attempt to quietly back out of the scene.

Uganda has given us a frightening example of how much influence foreign lobbyists can have. Even Richard Cohen, who's ex-gay manifesto and credibility have been thouroughly trounced still wields an influence on lawmakers there. but why listen to me...Rachel Maddow does a much better job of breaking it after the fold.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

0 To Parenthood In 60 Seconds.....

As my readers may know, we chose this month to tell our adoption story. This story was important for us to tell and we wanted to do the topic justice. We wanted to tell our adoption story because we remember how "lost in the woods" we felt when we decided to bring kids into our lives and didn't know where to begin. So, we had hoped to leave a trail of breadcrumbs for others to follow in their own family building journey. There was so much to say that we have already filled up three videos with a possible fourth...and still haven't said everything we wanted to say.

One topic that I didn't get to cover well enough, was the rather sharp learning curve you go through as an adoptive parent, how it changed our lives as individuals, and how that relates to us a same-sex couple. When you have a child from day 1 there is a slow learning process that takes place and you grow as a parent as your child grows. Sometimes, as adoptive parents that role can fall on you all at once and you have to scramble to keep up. Fortunately, you don't have to be perfect.

As we covered in our third episode of our adoption story on Youtube, Selena and Daniels foster home was breaking up. Normally in the fost/adopt process, there would be several meetings between prospective parents and children before they are ever placed in your home. However, we got notice that If we were interested in Daniel and Selena that we needed to come get Selena right away. Since her biological parents parental rights had already been terminated that was unusuall ...but o.k. Daniel was NOT cleared yet and was going to be placed in another temporary home until his birth fathers parental rights could be officially terminated. That was heartbreaking for all of us. This is the severely shortened version. Please watch the video to get the rest of the story. Suffice it to say that we were suddenly with baby.....our cuddly, chubby, thirteen month old daughter Selena.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Then They Came For Me...

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a communist;

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist;

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew;

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Sorry for the melodrama, but today it truly fits. Reading around to all the blogs yesterday I came across an article on Pam's House Blend that talks about a topic that I mentioned here, earlier this week...Uganda and how America has a hand in whats happening there. The article from The Blend detailed a conversation between the author, Maura Hennessey, and a friend discussing the Ugandan bill that will result in imprisonment and/or death for Ugandan gays. While I can't agree with all of the articles sentiments, it does make some interesting observations about future implications if America continues to remain silent about Uganda's "final solution".

Monday, December 7, 2009

New Jersey Marriage Equality Hearings Begin Today!

Lately I have been hanging back from electoral or legislative processes...because the emotional rollercoaster can be too much when your emotionally involved in it....but...There are those out there who's lives and rights are on the line today. I've got both fingers crossed for the Garden state today.

However,...while I am a tad obsesive when it comes to blog reading...I can't be here all day. For up to date coverage I am linking to a live blog session at I will follow its progress and hopefully have something good to report afterward.


Gay In The Black Community

This ad was posted in response to Gospel singer and evangelist and ex-gay, Donnie McClurkin's recent spate of ridiculous remarks about gay youth and gay gospel singer Tonex. It was created by Pastor Joseph Tolton of Rehoboth Temple on behalf of the GLBTQ members of the Black religious community and posted at

I posted this today because we as a community have been so divided and because I believe that "what effects one, affects us all". That said, it is nice to see this conversation taking place...however rancorous it is likely to get.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Gay Bashing Passages...The Sodom And Gomorrah Narrative

The Bible is one of the most quoted books in the world and if you are any shade of gay, you most likely have been the target of a great many Bible literalists who use the Bible to condemn our lives. Among the many cherry picked passages that are used as justification for gay hostile attitudes, is tale of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. This narrative, and Sodom specifically, are the source of the terms sodomy and "sodomite".

But do we understand these passages correctly? Do we see them as would the audience of that long ago day...or do we apply a modern western mind to a text that contains a language style foreign to the world today? and how do we as gay people, regardless of your stance on faith, address these passages so often used against us?

When reading the Bible and absorbing its message do we ever stop to ask ourselves...Why does this text say this?

Technical Update

For some of our readers...and myself unfortunatly...emmbedded Youtube videos are not showing on my front page. This is a recent issue and seems to be related to the code used to create a "fold"...or hide most of the post text. Any video posted above it breaks and will not display in certain browsers. This is a google blogger issue and hopefully they will take notice and fix it before the next millenium.

In the mean time, I apologize for the inconvenience and will continue to follow this up. Please do not call your teknitiun Kat.


Friday, December 4, 2009

A Stand Up Gal

We desperately need gay celebrities to stand up and matter of factly set the record straight on issues involving gay rights. Yet, so many Hollywood entertainers are either in the closet, or so busy pandering to straight audiences that its encouraging when one just comes out and tells it like it is. Today that stand up gal was Portia De Rossi and she got nothing but heartfelt applause from me.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

More On The Worm In The Big Apple

Given my level of general upset and dismay yesterday, I don't think I could have found the words to elloquently express my point of view...hell I would have settled for intelligable...but neither were forthcoming. Fortunatly though there are bloggers out there who did still have their heads on straight. Posted on is an article that details what I think we should be thinking as we move ahead in the battle for marriage equality...

We also can just look across the Hudson River to New Jersey for more political cowards and liars. The Democratic party promised that if we waited until after the election, win or lose, they would pass marriage equality and the governor would sign it. Governor John Corzine is more than willing to sign it but the Democrats in the legislature are refusing to keep their word. Once again we have been led down the garden path in the Garden State.

With New York, Maine, and New Jersey, the wisdom of a federal strategy is enforced as a new way of approaching this dilemma. What is not acceptable is that we all get filled with fear and start giving away our freedom out of frustration. Separate but equal does not work and those seeking the safety of avoiding the marriage issue should think again. Now is not the time for the timid. Now is the time for an even more aggressive approach, a deep review of how to proceed and the implementation new strategies.

If they insist on operating on a level of betrayal then it is time to seriously consider a more civil rights movement approach to fighting for our rights instead of pumping money into either party in some sort of masochistic dance. We must consider a concerted and well planned campaign of non-violent civil disobedience. Business as usual can not continue in this country as long as we are separated from the rest of our neighbors, families and friends who have full equality and freedom.

Over the next days, I will write more but need to collect my thoughts and find a place without anger to write with reason.

Its good to know I'm not the only one writing from a place of "enough is enough!" Also, its good to see recognition appealling to either political party is asking to be let down. It is time to deal with this differently.

This list is everywhere now but posted for your voting pleasure is the list of democrats that have no problem asking us for money while they vote against our rights:

• Joseph Addabbo (D-Queens) - NO
• Darrel Aubertine (D- Cape Vincent) - NO
• Ruben Diaz (D-Bronx) - NO
• Shirley Huntley (D-Queens) - NO
• Carl Kruger (D-Brooklyn) - NO
• Hiram Monserrate (D-Queens) - NO
• George Onorato (D-Queens) - NO
• William Stachowski (D-Buffalo) - NO

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

New York...and Another Kick In The Teeth

New York has finally had its vote on gay marriage and it has failed.

I don't know how this can possibly be, in a city that is built on the backs of so many gay people. To me, it seems like political suicide and that those who voted against had better watch out when they frequent establishments that are owned or employ gays and in New York, that's alot of places...but then, what do I know, I'm not from New York.

It still feels like a kick in the teeth when your already down though. I am angry. I shouldn't be...after all I can't control what other people are going to do. I can't change the world merely be willing it to be the way I want it to be....but none the less I am still angry. When will this end?

The Pink Menace!

My dads generation loves to point out how good the old days were....A simpler time, when milk and honey ran freely down golden streets. Of course, this is also inverse to the stories he told me about walking five miles to school, in the snow, with his brother on his back when I complained that I didn't want to go to school...

The good old days weren't always so good. They may have been simpler, but simple doesn't always equal better. For example, this educational film meant to warn young boys against the dangers of homosexuals. Its no wonder at all that my dad sent me bad messages about being gay, given the messages he received the educational film above, "Boys Beware". Itwas released in 1961 by Sid Davis productions.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

World AIDS day...And The Unbroken Thread Of Memory

Today is world AIDS day. While many of you who watch our Youtube channel already got a heads up about this, today is the actual day.

I'm having a difficult time today, thinking about how to talk about how AIDS has touched my life. I have been extraordinarily blessed, not to have lost someone I loved to this disease. However, just because I haven't lost anyone doesn't mean that AIDS hasn't marked my life in some way. It has touched all of us. Its always been there and in all likely hood will continue to be a factor of our lives long after my time on earth is done.