Wednesday, December 2, 2009

New York...and Another Kick In The Teeth

New York has finally had its vote on gay marriage and it has failed.

I don't know how this can possibly be, in a city that is built on the backs of so many gay people. To me, it seems like political suicide and that those who voted against had better watch out when they frequent establishments that are owned or employ gays and in New York, that's alot of places...but then, what do I know, I'm not from New York.

It still feels like a kick in the teeth when your already down though. I am angry. I shouldn't be...after all I can't control what other people are going to do. I can't change the world merely be willing it to be the way I want it to be....but none the less I am still angry. When will this end?

A year that started so bright and full of promise is ending on a bitter and cold note. Gay people like recently outed Meredith Baxter Burney say stupid stuff about how marriage isn't necessary, meanwhile continue to enjoy its benefits and still our rights get spit on...we get spit on by our families...sometimes our friends, and certainly our society.

Yes I a doom cloud but I have to get this out because I know I am not the only one seeing defeat after defeat and wondering why no one else seems to care. Its like the world has gone insane.

My grandma always used to tell me that if I am still carrying all these angry/sad feelings around, then I haven't really left them in GODS hands. Well, this is my wake up call I guess, even though you work hard to see a better future come true,...ultimately it isn't in your hands. I'm doing my best to let it go and to trust GOD...its hard not to let it bother me sometimes.I do not want to become like an Anakin Skywalker...consumed by anger and motivated to do awful things to make his will come true....but... I am genuinely and truly bone deep angry and this feeling seems to follow me everywhere I go now.

I am sorry to the people of New York and also Argentina. I am sorry that the rest of the world cannot see us as human beings. I am sorry for the hopes that were raised in you and then suddenly dashed.

When its all said and done and they are too tired to kick us anymore...when they think we can not possibly get up...we will. We will stand up again, smile in there faces and say "is that all you've got?! " and spit our blood right in their faces.

That's how I'm feeling right now...I know that this may pass. I post it because I need to know that I am not alone, and to let you know that you are not matter how dark it may feel right now. Keep living well, find your reason to be happy no matter how small it is and remember that sometimes life has lessons for us that we can't always understand when we are standing in them.



  1. I'm sorry to hear how angry you are, Bryan.
    I was angry myself for a long time, about different things, at different people. And you know how it ended up? Nothing happened, nothing changed. Because I knew that if I react on my anger, I'll only do more damage. So I chose not to react, but didn't let my anger go. It's bad. It doesn't let you move on, get another perspective, looking for other options, or just a silver lining.

    Yes, we have a right to be angry. But do we have to be? Sometimes I feel like an ungrateful brat that doesn't know the history, if I get angry for yet another blow to gay rights movement in the world. In 30s and 40s it was dangerous to be Jewish. And people were hiding, running for their lives, lying to others just to survive. And the reason was as silly as being gay now. Did they have a right to be angry? Sure! Did they react on that anger? Not really, because their lives were at stake.

    Maybe it's a bad example, I don't know. But I know that anger doesn't help, doesn't change things for the better. Maybe I hit the desperation train-wreck.

    I didn't believe when it happened in California. Of all states, I couldn't imagine this would happen in Cali. Nevada, Arizona — easily, but Cali... After California I wasn't surprised about Maine. And the Big Apple doesn't surprise me too much, though the chances were much better.

    We will never resolve this issue from the grass-roots of our society. It should come from above, from the Supreme Court or the President. Unfortunately, they are the same Catholic people who can't be blind as the Justice System requires them to be: they must be blind to what some old books say, but they can't or simply won't. They can't look past all those prejudices and traditions. They don't wanna be on the losing side. But sometimes doing the right thing means being on the losing side. And only great people can understand that, accept that, and do the right thing. We don't have them. Obama is not great. He's either coward or fool. Pick your poison. I think he's no fool, so he's just a coward who cannot assume the role of a great President who can have the guts to do the right thing, regardless of his own beliefs that would make him to be on the losing side (for he as a Christian must believe that gays should be stoned to death as Bible commands). By "he's no fool" I mean that he understands that these legal changes should be done and they are inevitable. He just doesn't have a heart to do it, and guts.

    Maybe we just have to wait for a great person to come along? Or make Obama assume that role? He seems to be satisfied with the role of first black President, he doesn't need to be known as the one who freed the gays. What can we do? Stay angry at him? Unproductive. What we really need is to understand that our freedom can only come from above. And we shouldn't be concerned with all those elections for it's only a performance for haters' amusement, we already know the results, and all these claims that people should decide for us only make us participate in incredibly expensive polls, that's all it is. When we understand that, we'll be able to concentrate on the right ways to fight this war for our freedom.

  2. First, let me say you are not alone.

    Second, being from the east coast (just a little outside NYC, actually), let me also say that your inability to comprehend such injustice has nothing to do with not being from around here.

    Third, perhaps we should leave all this in God's hands. But that is sometimes just too hard to do. I'm not sure that these matters need to be left in God's hands, as much as we should try to find solace in knowing that God's love is beyond human comprehension and really doesn't care about any of this. Perhaps those who use God as an excuse for their bigotry should remember that God really doesn't care who or what or how we are. Grace is a gift, love is a gift, hope, peace, faith, these are all gifts and like all gifts (if one is to use the true sense of the word) they are completely undeserved.

    Much love and many blessings of peace on you and yours at the sacred time of the rolling year.


    p.s. Don't belittle yourself. It's not really wanting to will the world into being what you WANT it to be as much as the way it SHOULD be--if justice is a word with any meaning.

  3. Bryan:

    You are not alone, we are here with you.


  4. I'm angry about it too...but we just have to move on, it will come someday. We have to keep fighting for it and one day it will happen.

    On a positive note however...I live in Washington and the "Everything but Marriage" bill takes effect tomorrow, December 3rd. That is a giant step in this state, to give all domestic partners all the same rights as marriage.

    So remember, we are changing attitudes and state at a time.

  5. Is time for me to return the favor you guys did for me last week.

    YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! You KNOW that he is listening to you... don't go in to despair, that is what they want, that we give up on having a better life a happy life.

    I know why are you angry but you were right last week, we can not afford to lose hope or faith. Things will get better but only if we keep our focus on the goal... a better world for everyone(Gay, Straight, Black, White, Short, Long).

    I am going to say something in Star Wars terms so I don't offend anyone. Luke fought Darth Vader but at the same time... he love him... that is the tricky part.FEAR leads to ANGER. ANGER leads to HATE. HATE leads to SUFFERING.You really don't want that, do you?? (WTF?? WHERE THIS COME FROM... I AM NOT THAT GOOD OF A FAN!! hehehe)

    I am not so brave like you guys and go in to the world to try to change things but I know that I need to start working in some way if I ever want to have the life I want. I am not sure where I am going to start but I know I have to start somewhere... maybe my own family.

  6. Oh damn... I forgot...


  7. I have a positive story for you if you like.

    Here in the UK to pass a gay marriage bill through parliament without any significant debate they took the word marriage out of the legislation and called it "Parnership". The rest of the law basically reads "same as marriage". This worked and the bill was passed with little serious opposition.

    The thing is that not many people in the UK use the term "Civil Partnership". No one I have ever met says anything other than marriage. This has extended to the media. News readers and people in soaps etc will say things like "Married", sometimes "Married in a civil partnership" to denote married to someone of the same sex.

    Recently there was a complaint to the BBC that they kept using the word marriage when gay people can't become married.

    After considering the BBC said that the term was in such common use that its usage was fair.

    So there you go, don't wait for legislators, just let the people do it for themselves.

  8. Here's my message to every New York State Senator who voted against the bill:

    "We always sing about our country being the land of the free and the home of the brave. If you don't have the courage to speak about your position, then how can we not call you a coward."

  9. Everyone in New York needs to make a list of all of the NO voters and remember that on election day.
    If someone in the Republican party was intelligent they would accept and support gay people. There are more gay people..including their friends and family than right wing nuts. The Republican party used to be the party of "less government in your life." Now it is just an extension of Christian extremism.

  10. thanks everybody...sometimes we all need someone to lean on...but Arcadio get extra points for the star wars reference ;) lol

  11. Bryan, I dont understand how I missed this blogpost of yours? I just didnt see it before.:) summer

  12. I see, it didnt show on your YT page, but does on your family blog, and I go directly from your YT page to your blog. Solved. Summer.