A House Divided

Hello everyone...Some things internet goodies have hit me from left field this week and I have something to get off my chest. these may seem like unrelated events...but bear with me..they will make sense in the end.

The first event was a comment left on our Fourth of July BBQ video in which we asked our quests what they felt were the best and worst parts of being gay. Apparently that pushed one viewer over the line causing them to leave this comment:

Dear Depfox: what responsibility do you and your smug married friends take for single-handedly destroying the LGBT Community? The whole gay bar scene is dying (dead?) because self-appointed "Gay Representatives" such as yourselves claim all gays want to be married. Gays used to be a subversive, outrageous, promiscuous culture. Now, you want us all to mimic straight couples and live conservatively in the 'burbs in white picket fences with 2.5 kids. That is not my idea of liberation...

Nice eh? But before I give my answer to MOB's question the second event that has got me all hot and bothered was a video done by my good friend Sama over on trannystargalactica. In it Sam chose to talk about supporting someone (gay, trans or otherwise)who sounds like they may be contemplating suicide and asking her viewers to give three reasons for trans people to carry on in the face of contemplating suicide. Having lost a very long time trans friend to suicide this video hit me right in the heart and I responded with a wall of text as the words poured out of me.

But what does marriage equality and suicide rates in the trans community have in common? The answer answer is simpler than most of us would think and sometimes it makes me want to scream it out loud. So...this is my rant

Being Seen

This blog entry may not be specifically about gay issues....however, it is a beautiful story about equality that just happens to intersect with one of my passions...futuristic Sci Fi. In their zeal to support their favorite obsessions, Star Wars Fans and Star Trek fans have often battled it out over which of the two is the best...a debate that still rages. Now...I know that my readers know that I love Star Wars....perhaps some would say a little too much. But Like most kids my age I grew up loving Star Trek too. Anything that took me out into space was(and still is) a good thing. I watched it in syndication and dreamed of better tomorrows in which the noblest of human instincts carried us beyond our destructive capacities and into the stars. The fact that Both Star Trek and Star Wars carried an unspoken subtext about race and difference may not have been foremost on my mind as a kid...but the lesson was learned all the same. Star Trek just did it first and a bit more directly.

In absent-mindedly dusting my living room I was listening to a documentary on Television about Star Trek called "Trek Nation". It was hosted by Star Trek Creator Gene Roddenberry's son "Rod" Roddenberry as a tribute to the series his father created. It was an interesting show to watch....but I wasn't supposed to be watching, I was supposed to be cleaning...and so I listened while I worked. that is...until a segment with Nichelle Nichols(Lt. Uhura) discussing a meeting with Martin Luther King Jr. caught my ear and made me drop everything to listen....

The Case Of The Lesbian Juror

Oh court drama's...I love to hate them. I never was one to have patience for Matlock or Law and Order type T.V. shows. It's doubly frustrating then, to have to wait on the courts to decide on our civil rights. It is an exercise in patience to watch them debate the merits of our lives in terms of ice cold facts and legal precedence...and then put off a decision till next year because they can't answer a procedural question. Yet, as the race for the Republican nomination is illustrating, there is no quarter given us from elected officials...our fates, it seems, depend on the courts.

Currently, there are several legal challenges to DOMA painstakingly climbing the legal ladder to the Supreme Court. If any of them make it that far, we will then be at the mercy of the residing justices. A great deal of speculation has been made concerning their individual opinions based off their personal views and the niggling detail of whether gays are considered a "suspect class". That simple designation would elevate issues like DOMA or an inclusive ENDA from the realm of partisan political whims to legally acknowledged civil rights necessities  So far...efforts to add sexual and gender identity to the other protected classes of gender, race, and religion have failed.

And then came "The case of the lesbian juror"....An odd name to be sure and the case itself seems to leave more questions than answers. however, if the story is worth it's salt, it could have extremely far reaching implications on our designation as a "suspect class" and lend tremendous gravitas to our strivings for full legal equality. Who is this mystery juror and how could her story impact the greater struggle for gay rights?...Read on to find out...

Why Marriage Matters..Where The Rubber Meets The Road

Too often if debating/fighting/struggling for marriage equality it can become a conversation grounded in abstract concepts and principles. Pro-equality advocates(like myself) are fond of using the constitution and it's promise of equality for all as the grounds for debate. We make the the correct assertion that we as LGBT Americans are just as entitled to marriage, military service, fair housing, and employment as any other American. Anti equality forces generally respond with arguments that center on morality and religion. They claim that the granting of any gay rights is actually an attack on religious rights. When they don't want to use religion as the basis for resistance they fall back on characterizing us as strangers and outsiders, refer to LGBT rights as "dangerous social experiments". Both sides miss one essential point....the human cost of discrimination.

It is our real lives and stories that are our "why" for marriage and a recent video from Freedom To Marry makes my point. The video details the life, love, and loss of Ron and Tom. Together for 58 years and only legally married for three, they were together until Tom recently passed away leaving Ron as the surviving spouse...except...the federal government doesn't see it that way. Video after the fold...

A Taxing Situation

It's that time of the year again when Americans across the nation receive their tax documents in the mail with all the joy of a jury summons and discover that half of them are STILL missing, Scream at their computer screens while trying to navigate clunky and down right byzantine tax prep software, and watch the calendar with mounting dread. For many of us Tax day means the annual migration  to the post office at 5 minutes before closing for the great convocation of chronic procrastinators. However, you do get them done, it is generally a pain in the keister for everyone. However...if your gay and partnered in some legal form, the government has several ingenious ways to screw us even more.  For most gay couples doing our taxes has never been simple..the Defense of Marriage Act sees to that...but this year the government has invented some new ways to drum up extra cash and again let us know that they don't regard LGBT couples as equal to our heterosexual counterparts.

so we found out when we began this years tax odyssey...

Christian Nation

Sometimes I think that we've really lost touch with American history. Whether its the tea Partiers brand of "patriotism" or conservative "family values" politicians, there is a pervading Idea that America was founded on their particular religious ideals. Take for example these comments made by Senator Jim DeMint at a church rally in South Carolina:

“Hopefully in 2012, we'll make headway to repeal some of the things we've done, because politics only works when we're realigned with our Savior.”...

....DeMint said if someone is openly homosexual, they shouldn't be teaching in the classroom and he holds the same position on an unmarried woman who's sleeping with her boyfriend — she shouldn't be in the classroom."

As homophobic and discriminatory as these comments are, they are not unique to Senator DeMint....Its not even the most troubling part of his quote. Whats more alarming is the idea behind his statement and the sharp uprise of religion in American politics. Were it not for Christine O'Donnells pronouncements of faith would she have won the Republican nomination being that the rest of her background is so littered with inconsistencies?...Or Sara Palin, who also makes no bones that she would bring her religious beliefs into the oval office, were she ever to be elected.

Ever growing is the number of politicians who find traction with the voters by ignoring the foundational Idea of the separation of church and state. The idea has been repeatedly put forth that America is a "Christian nation" and that Christians need to hold the reigns of government  and to enforce morality legislatively. This is has been created and Fueled by evangelical Preachers  like Lou Engle, Janet porter, and many others who view polotics as fair game for the pulpit. It is been echoed again by main stream Republican candidates and tea partiers alike. You can also commonly here it fall off the lips of average Americans who believe that America was founded with a musket in one hand...and a bible in the other.

Yet my problem with all this is not one of religion...but more a question....Where were all these people in elementary school when American history was taught?

"What if's"...All Our legislation Passed.

Marriage equality....Don't Ask Don't Tell...the Employment Non-Discrimination Act....together they have often dominated the conversation about gay rights and equality. We poor tremendous amounts of energy into them. Indeed, they are important pieces in the greater movement toward full equality for GLBTQ Americans. But today, I asked myself what would happen if Christmas came early and I woke up tommorow with those goals had come to fruition?

First would be the encredible feeling of celebration....that the world had changed in incredible and wonderfull ways. Gays and lesbians would be protected in ways that we had never been previously. We could meet and marry someone we loved, perhaps make a family and hopefully never have to worry about losing out jobs or homes because of our sexual orientation. Being able to do those basic things paves the way for more positive change as we have more energy and support to turn to other areas of our lives.

However, sometimes I thing that we hang our hopes on passage or repeal of these issues and forget their status as waypoints along the journey...not the end. So what would happen if Christmas came early this year and we woke up to find that all our legal/legislative hopes had come true...then what?

Mexico City and Gay Marriage...Doin' it right

Do's and Don'ts for approval of marriage equality...the "Foot in the Door" method:

• Do NOT submit to a popular state or nationwide vote.


• Do NOT count on a single politician to be brave enough to take the heat alone or act on conscience.


• Do NOT expect nationwide acceptance of gay rights without first letting people get there frightened little toes in the water first. Which leads us to...

..DO..begin with the legislature of a major city who is willing to bring marriage equality to reality and build from there....

Dancing To Their Tune

Lately we have been getting a lot of negative feedback from those within the gay community for our stance on gay marriage. Most recently because of this video:



Some of our viewers have expressed indignation at the comparisons drawn between the huge loss of life on September 11th and the denial of civil rights enacted by the states of California and Maine. So let me be clear why Sean Chapin made this video and why we support it. First, it was never meant to say that these events are the same. What happened on September 11th was horrific beyond my ability to describe. I bawling my eyes out while watching human beings jump to their deaths rather than die within a burning building and hearing the final goodbyes delivered by cellphone messages to families who would never see their loved ones again. Nothing can approach that day, In my mind.

What this video is pointing out is that the nation sat up and took notice. They did not just move on with life as normal because something was clearly wrong. But yet today, no one seems to have that sense of urgency when a whole class of people have their rights stripped from them. Believe me...we have gotten a mountain of emails from gay people attempting to shame US becuase marriage is "not a priority" for them. We have also been accused a kind of selfishness for asking the community to stand up and support each other. We have been called "privleged white gays" and "mainstreamers". We get comments from gays that are just as vitriolic as anything a conservative could think up. It has been shocking just how much division there is within a community that NEEDS to stand together just to survive...