Year Round Up...The Best of 2009!

Chase away the storm clouds of that last post...its time for the best of 2009!

2010! Thats such an absurd number to me! That date always represented "the future"...you know...the one with flying cars and robots that did all our work for us before becoming sentient and exterminating us?...Ah Arther C. Clark we miss you. What will we dream next, now that we have crossed into that territory marked  "here there be dragons!"?

Its hard to believe everything that happened this year! It was so full of events that Its hard to believe that they all happened in a single year. Both my kids got alot bigger and Daniel broke his arm, we saw marriage for gays and lesbians take a step forward in some surprising places, and certain individualls really stepped up to the plate this year.....so let take a look at our lives in 2009...

Year Round Up...Our Worst moments of 2009

OH MAN WHAT A YEAR!

I cant believe we have been making Youtube videos for over a year now. It really has been a year of big highs and gut-wrenching lows. Never before in my life have I been this plugged in to the comings and goings of politics and human events. It has been an serious education for us as well as an emotional rollercoaster.

 Along the way we have met and made friendships with people from around the world that we would never have met if it hadn't been for a certain civil rights-stripping proposition. but that said...here is my take on some of the worst moments of 2009 in the world gay rights and marriage equality...so without further ado...brace yourself, lets rewind 2009...

Wedded Bliss...At Last

For those of us who have been following the story of Jose Maria Di Bello and Alex Freyre's struggle to marry in the country of Argentina, yesterday held a wonderfull surprise, reported on Edge New England.

CONGRATULATIONS!....THEY DID IT AT LAST!

Kissing Cousins

I found this New York Times map on Queerty this moring and it made me want to puke. I followed it up to find the original New York Times article. I can't believe that this situation stands.

I don't begrudge anyone the ability to love who they chose as long as they are consenting adults. Having a whole world stand against you really drives that lesson home. But this map comparison points out the fact that, while America is not o.k. with Same-sex marriage, they are quite o.k. with letting these laws remain on the books. does anyone else see a disconnect here?...or is this just a further indication of our place in the societal pecking order? In addition, I wonder how many of these coupled cousins would support same-sex marriage where it to come to their state? Lets talk this out because I am thouroughly flummoxed by this little news tidbit.

Apron Strings

Sometimes I read something in the blogosphere that sends my mind down shadowy paths. Today held just such an emotional ambush at Pams House Blend. "Christmas: Baby Please Come Home", written by Mercedes, is a diary post detailing her estranged relationship with her mother and the feelings that enevitably come up during the holidays when the Christmas cards arrive. The source of Mercedes estrangement from her family is the fact that she is transgendered, transitioning from male to female and their is NO support or acceptance from her family. Instead she is treated as the family shame....not exactly the makings of a merry Christmas. but also a story that resonates with many of us.

Why it touched me so deeply that I had to share was because her description of her relationship with her mother was like hearing my own...and my mom has been on my mind alot this last week. Things are not so good there.

Let me be clear...I know a great many people feel like aliens in their own families. Thats the process of separating ourselves from those who raised us and becoming our own individuals with our own drives, thoughts, opinions, etc. You don't have to be gay, lesbian, trangendered, what have you, to feel like an outsider amongst those with whom you grew up.

That said....I'd like to talk about my mom today, and maybe exorcize a very old demon. When I write these blog posts I imagine them not only going out into the world to be read by a handfull of fellow human beings...but also into the universe, into the ether where all our thoughts, ideas and prayers are heard. Maybe in the telling, something can change for the better between my mom and myself.

Silent Film Swooning

Wings (1927) has the distiction of taking home the first Acadamy Award for "Best Picture" but did you know that it also has the distiction of showing the first on-screen same-sex kiss? Granted, it is presented as a "fraternal' kiss between one buddy sending his friend into the great blue beyond but its still the first time one mans lips touched another man on celuloid. Of course, by Hollywoods reasoning...if one man is going to kiss another man someone had dam well better be dying. Despite the movies outward story and the heterosexual love interests...this scene alone points to a very strong undertone of homosexual relationship between Jack and David, our two WWI heroes.

I couldn't help but be touched at the intimacy between these two men in this scene and it made me wonder how many closeted gay men, watching this in 1927,  wished for a love like that. It always takes me aback when I see two men kiss and share love on screen. Not because its shocking, but because we see such things so rarely that when we do, their impact is huge. I remember watching "Brokeback Mountain" how my heart beat like a drum through the whole movie. It made me want to sweep jay up in my arms like Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'hara and have a big screen kiss of my own. I wish everyone could know such moments in life. It makes me sad that a whole generations of men and women hide to hide those moments or cover them with a heterosexual veneer...ah well, I'm getting maudlin now...*sigh*

Needless to say...even though this little clip was sad in its outward story and so subtle in its implied story...it moved me...and I had my own little silver screen sigh....I hope you will too.

Happy Holidays everyone....till next time...

A little Holiday Turkey

Stop Christmas from coming?!...no way!

No matter whether you heart may be two sizes to small...we here at the Leffew household wish you a Merry Christmas!

"Know Your Mo"...The LGBT Flag

The Rainbow flag has been a symbol of gay rights for as long as I can remember being aware of there being such a thing as "gay". It has been a source of comfort and pride as well as a source for derision. Whatever your feelings about the flag there is no denying that it is forever linked with the gay rights movement. You can't go two steps at a pride march without running into a booth hawking a zillion different rainbow colored items from keychains and tiny flags to rainbow colored vodka bottles. But what do we really know about this ubiquitous symbol of the GLBTQ community?...I was surprised to find out...

Ladies Knight

Joe Bennet: Pencils/Jack Jadson: Inks/Alex Sinclair: Colors/Copyright DC Comics

Holy Homosexuals Batman! The joker must have slipped something into Batgirls drink because she doesn't like men in tights like we d*....Uh, I mean...like she used to!...and why is she snogging Catwoman?...

Finally!...batgirls out of the closet! ...the only question is what item in her utility belt she used to break out. Perhaps a little bat-courage?..bat-ingenuity? Only one thing is for sure, gone is the helpless sidekick, and in her place stands an ass-kicking  heroine.

Mexico City and Gay Marriage...Doin' it right

Do's and Don'ts for approval of marriage equality...the "Foot in the Door" method:

• Do NOT submit to a popular state or nationwide vote.


• Do NOT count on a single politician to be brave enough to take the heat alone or act on conscience.


• Do NOT expect nationwide acceptance of gay rights without first letting people get there frightened little toes in the water first. Which leads us to...

..DO..begin with the legislature of a major city who is willing to bring marriage equality to reality and build from there....

Score One For Our Side

British Lions rugby player Gareth Thomas has come out and, by all accounts, this is sending shockwaves through the rugby world.....which is AWESOME.

Alright..this blogger has to admit right from the start that I have no interest or knowledge about sport of any kind. This has less to do with being gay and more to do with how I was brought up...but when I heard this story I couldn't help but stand up and cheer....but please forgive my sport-ignorance beforehand and read on...

The Grass Is Always Greener

A long long time ago....before there was any gay marriage...



There was Cosca and Amola...

You probably already know that Jay and I are dyed-in-the-wool Star Wars fans. We will participate in just about anything that gets the Star Wars label. If they made a "Brick To The Head" Star Wars edition, I'd probably get that too.

So when Sony Online Entertainment and LucasArts announced they were working on a Star Wars based MMORPG (massively multiplayer online role playing game) under the name Star Wars Galaxies...we both squealed like little girls...well I did anyway. Little did we know the five year journey we would embark on, or the lessons about sexual identity we would learn along the way....which was unexpected, considering your not the everyday YOU in a game like this one.

With Friends like These...

GLBTQ people are a very diverse group covering all classes and political backgrounds, but most GLBTQ people will tend to vote Democratic because of the perception that Democrats support our issues...and Democrats have no problem allowing that perception to stand as long as we donate money and vote. Lately however, our "fierce advocates" have been anything but fierce.

Catholic Charities...Nothings For Free

Many of my readers may be following the developments with marriage equality in Washington D.C.

Marriage for Gays and Lesbians passed the City Council by an 11-2 vote. That alone is cause for celebration. But what of Catholic Charities threat to remove its services to the citizens on D.C.?

A Washington Post article By Tim Craig and Michelle Boorstein details the original threat made by the Archdiocese of Washington to remove its services...which, among other services includes homeless shelters and adoption assitance.

"What ifs?"...A Gay President.

What if America ...by some extreme outside chance, elected an openly gay President? Or... What if we elected someone we thought was straight only to have Them come out after election? How would our world be different today? Would gay rights advance any faster?

This question is brought to us today by U.S. Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC), Who recently made this comment posted on www.bloomberg.com:

"It would be bothersome to me just personally because I consider it immoral."

And his thoughts on gays and our marriages?

“Governments should not be in the business of promoting a behavior that’s proven to be destructive to our society.”

What a prince...sadly he's drawing alot of conservative attention...but he's not our topic today, though he has provided grist for the mill.

Would having a gay President advance the cause of GLBTQ rights in America? This issue seems deceptively simple...gay President= gay rights yes?...Not neccesarily.

A Love To Hide

Every once in a while a movie comes out of the blue that makes me sit up and take notice...fewer still, are the ones that move me to blog about them. Jay gets so many movies and some of them are real stinkers. But one movie showed up in our mailbox this weekend that redeemed Jays previous awful picks..."A Love To Hide".

A love Unnatural...

O.K....being gay AND a fan of Star Wars, I simply could not resist posting this:

Inevitability

Rome may not have been built in a day, nor the Grand Canyon carved in a year, so why are so many of us down on marriage equality all the sudden?

It is true, that every vote that falls toward discrimination and exclusion of gays feels like a punch in the gut and serves as a clear reminder of where we sit in the cultural pecking order. I myself have crafted at least one pessimistic and overly dramatic post after New York failed to approve their marriage legislation. And who could blame us for being so pessimistic? Finding the negative in this situation is as easy as turning on the news. Especially when I read about our allies in marriage equality distancing themselves further from us with every ballot defeat. Fair weather Friends aren't really our friends anyway.

Even Maggie Gallagher has been crowing lately that marriage for gays is not inevitable....but hold on Mags....Just because you succeeded in pushing homophobia and intolerance in a few states, that does NOT mean the death nell for marriage equality. All it means is that the road is longer than we thought and the way ahead is not a straight line. We are the march of the tides...not the sudden rush of a flood.

Fun Thread...A Fan OF Teh Fuzz.

Last night I was informed that this blog writer had gotten entirely to serious lately and that this blog need not be a clearing house for political issues, which I had to grudgingly agree with. The world is full of bad news and if we soak in it 24/7 you can't help but become a bit of a storm crow. So, lets change gears a bit. and let me apologize in advance to my Lesbian and straight male readers...if there in fact are any, this threads a bit of a perv...

Yesterday in Queerty's "Morning Goods" section we a sight that stopped both Jay and Me cold:

...

Breaking Developments...Uganda

Unfortunately bringing light to an issue doesn't automatically mean that change will occur. However in Uganda, it seems to be working even if in degrees. The individuals who comprise groups like "The Family"(total mob overtones there) reley on the fact that no one is watching what they are up to. But when it DOES then they backpeddle away from it. Thats what they are doing now. As Ugandan lawmakers remove the Death and imprisonment clauses from their "kill the gays" bill...so do the evangelicals who helped influence its creation attempt to quietly back out of the scene.

Uganda has given us a frightening example of how much influence foreign lobbyists can have. Even Richard Cohen, who's ex-gay manifesto and credibility have been thouroughly trounced still wields an influence on lawmakers there. but why listen to me...Rachel Maddow does a much better job of breaking it down....video after the fold.

0 To Parenthood In 60 Seconds.....

As my readers may know, we chose this month to tell our adoption story. This story was important for us to tell and we wanted to do the topic justice. We wanted to tell our adoption story because we remember how "lost in the woods" we felt when we decided to bring kids into our lives and didn't know where to begin. So, we had hoped to leave a trail of breadcrumbs for others to follow in their own family building journey. There was so much to say that we have already filled up three videos with a possible fourth...and still haven't said everything we wanted to say.

One topic that I didn't get to cover well enough, was the rather sharp learning curve you go through as an adoptive parent, how it changed our lives as individuals, and how that relates to us a same-sex couple. When you have a child from day 1 there is a slow learning process that takes place and you grow as a parent as your child grows. Sometimes, as adoptive parents that role can fall on you all at once and you have to scramble to keep up. Fortunately, you don't have to be perfect.

As we covered in our third episode of our adoption story on Youtube, Selena and Daniels foster home was breaking up. Normally in the fost/adopt process, there would be several meetings between prospective parents and children before they are ever placed in your home. However, we got notice that If we were interested in Daniel and Selena that we needed to come get Selena right away. Since her biological parents parental rights had already been terminated that was unusuall ...but o.k. Daniel was NOT cleared yet and was going to be placed in another temporary home until his birth fathers parental rights could be officially terminated. That was heartbreaking for all of us. This is the severely shortened version. Please watch the video to get the rest of the story. Suffice it to say that we were suddenly with baby.....our cuddly, chubby, thirteen month old daughter Selena.

Then They Came For Me...

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a communist;

Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist;

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew;

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Sorry for the melodrama, but today it truly fits. Reading around to all the blogs yesterday I came across an article on Pam's House Blend that talks about a topic that I mentioned here, earlier this week...Uganda and how America has a hand in whats happening there. The article from The Blend detailed a conversation between the author, Maura Hennessey, and a friend discussing the Ugandan bill that will result in imprisonment and/or death for Ugandan gays. While I can't agree with all of the articles sentiments, it does make some interesting observations about future implications if America continues to remain silent about Uganda's "final solution".

New Jersey Marriage Equality Hearings Begin Today!

Lately I have been hanging back from electoral or legislative processes...because the emotional rollercoaster can be too much when your emotionally involved in it....but...There are those out there who's lives and rights are on the line today. I've got both fingers crossed for the Garden state today.

However,...while I am a tad obsesive when it comes to blog reading...I can't be here all day. For up to date coverage I am linking to a live blog session at www.bluejersey.com. I will follow its progress and hopefully have something good to report afterward.

Bryan

Gay In The Black Community

This ad was posted in response to Gospel singer and evangelist and ex-gay, Donnie McClurkin's recent spate of ridiculous remarks about gay youth and gay gospel singer Tonex. It was created by Pastor Joseph Tolton of Rehoboth Temple on behalf of the GLBTQ members of the Black religious community and posted at www.thebgmnetwork.com.

I posted this today because we as a community have been so divided and because I believe that "what effects one, affects us all". That said, it is nice to see this conversation taking place...however rancorous it is likely to get.

Gay Bashing Passages...The Sodom And Gomorrah Narrative

The Bible is one of the most quoted books in the world and if you are any shade of gay, you most likely have been the target of a great many Bible literalists who use the Bible to condemn our lives. Among the many cherry picked passages that are used as justification for gay hostile attitudes, is tale of the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah. This narrative, and Sodom specifically, are the source of the terms sodomy and "sodomite".

But do we understand these passages correctly? Do we see them as would the audience of that long ago day...or do we apply a modern western mind to a text that contains a language style foreign to the world today? and how do we as gay people, regardless of your stance on faith, address these passages so often used against us?

When reading the Bible and absorbing its message do we ever stop to ask ourselves...Why does this text say this?

Technical Update

For some of our readers...and myself unfortunatly...emmbedded Youtube videos are not showing on my front page. This is a recent issue and seems to be related to the code used to create a "fold"...or hide most of the post text. Any video posted above it breaks and will not display in certain browsers. This is a google blogger issue and hopefully they will take notice and fix it before the next millenium.

In the mean time, I apologize for the inconvenience and will continue to follow this up. Please do not call your teknitiun Kat.

Bryan

A Stand Up Gal

We desperately need gay celebrities to stand up and matter of factly set the record straight on issues involving gay rights. Yet, so many Hollywood entertainers are either in the closet, or so busy pandering to straight audiences that its encouraging when one just comes out and tells it like it is. Today that stand up gal was Portia De Rossi and she got nothing but heartfelt applause from me.

More On The Worm In The Big Apple

Given my level of general upset and dismay yesterday, I don't think I could have found the words to elloquently express my point of view...hell I would have settled for intelligable...but neither were forthcoming. Fortunatly though there are bloggers out there who did still have their heads on straight. Posted on davidmixner.com is an article that details what I think we should be thinking as we move ahead in the battle for marriage equality...

We also can just look across the Hudson River to New Jersey for more political cowards and liars. The Democratic party promised that if we waited until after the election, win or lose, they would pass marriage equality and the governor would sign it. Governor John Corzine is more than willing to sign it but the Democrats in the legislature are refusing to keep their word. Once again we have been led down the garden path in the Garden State.

With New York, Maine, and New Jersey, the wisdom of a federal strategy is enforced as a new way of approaching this dilemma. What is not acceptable is that we all get filled with fear and start giving away our freedom out of frustration. Separate but equal does not work and those seeking the safety of avoiding the marriage issue should think again. Now is not the time for the timid. Now is the time for an even more aggressive approach, a deep review of how to proceed and the implementation new strategies.

If they insist on operating on a level of betrayal then it is time to seriously consider a more civil rights movement approach to fighting for our rights instead of pumping money into either party in some sort of masochistic dance. We must consider a concerted and well planned campaign of non-violent civil disobedience. Business as usual can not continue in this country as long as we are separated from the rest of our neighbors, families and friends who have full equality and freedom.

Over the next days, I will write more but need to collect my thoughts and find a place without anger to write with reason.

Its good to know I'm not the only one writing from a place of "enough is enough!" Also, its good to see recognition appealling to either political party is asking to be let down. It is time to deal with this differently.

This list is everywhere now but posted for your voting pleasure is the list of democrats that have no problem asking us for money while they vote against our rights:

• Joseph Addabbo (D-Queens) - NO
• Darrel Aubertine (D- Cape Vincent) - NO
• Ruben Diaz (D-Bronx) - NO
• Shirley Huntley (D-Queens) - NO
• Carl Kruger (D-Brooklyn) - NO
• Hiram Monserrate (D-Queens) - NO
• George Onorato (D-Queens) - NO
• William Stachowski (D-Buffalo) - NO

New York...and Another Kick In The Teeth

New York has finally had its vote on gay marriage and it has failed.

I don't know how this can possibly be, in a city that is built on the backs of so many gay people. To me, it seems like political suicide and that those who voted against had better watch out when they frequent establishments that are owned or employ gays and in New York, that's alot of places...but then, what do I know, I'm not from New York.

It still feels like a kick in the teeth when your already down though. I am angry. I shouldn't be...after all I can't control what other people are going to do. I can't change the world merely be willing it to be the way I want it to be....but none the less I am still angry. When will this end?

The Pink Menace!

My dads generation loves to point out how good the old days were....A simpler time, when milk and honey ran freely down golden streets. Of course, this is also inverse to the stories he told me about walking five miles to school, in the snow, with his brother on his back when I complained that I didn't want to go to school...

The good old days weren't always so good. They may have been simpler, but simple doesn't always equal better. For example, this educational film meant to warn young boys against the dangers of homosexuals. Its no wonder at all that my dad sent me bad messages about being gay, given the messages he received himself....like the educational film above, "Boys Beware". Itwas released in 1961 by Sid Davis productions.

World AIDS day...And The Unbroken Thread Of Memory

Today is world AIDS day. While many of you who watch our Youtube channel already got a heads up about this, today is the actual day.

I'm having a difficult time today, thinking about how to talk about how AIDS has touched my life. I have been extraordinarily blessed, not to have lost someone I loved to this disease. However, just because I haven't lost anyone doesn't mean that AIDS hasn't marked my life in some way. It has touched all of us. Its always been there and in all likely hood will continue to be a factor of our lives long after my time on earth is done.

Finding A Reason To Smile

The world is full of nothing but bad news...sad news, and the weight of it all can be too much to hold sometimes. I just got an email from an Argentine friend that the marriage of Jose Maria Di Bello and his partner, Alex Freyre may just have been permanently tanked. so this is my thread for music that makes us smile when you'd rather cry....please feel free to turn it up.



Its no coincidence that during the harshest years of World War II came some very excstatic and hopefull music. When times are difficult it does us no good to look outward to all thats wrong in the world, we need to look a little closer to home to the little things that bring us joy...more after the fold.

Spreading The Light...Uganda and America's Fundamentalists

Not so long ago, America's largest export used to be things that we had built with our own two hands. However, these days, we export ideologies more than products.

Our latest gift (/sarcasm off) to the developing countries of the world has been through the efforts of christian fundamentalists, who are again turning to African and Asian countries to find new believers and to advance their causes. A big goal of the American churchs, is to put gays back in the closet...or worse.

It has already been posted in comments on this blog how much the exgay movement in the U.K. owes its funding to American evangelicals here in the U.S. These churches sure seem to have inexhaustible funds to be able to support these oversees efforts AND resist marriage equality back home. Now there most recent efforts have put them in bed with some nasty bedfellows.

Lean On Me

The struggle for gay rights, and more specifically for marriage equality, has often been likened to other civil rights movements, from the Black civil rights movement of the 50's and 60's... to the struggle for women's rights. This usually raises alot of ire in the group that we are compared to. But what I'd like to talk about today is not those comparisons but, in my opinion, a difference the gay rights movement experiences. This is not to claim a bigger hardship than anyone else because that would be hogwash. Only to point out a facet of gay life that we all deal with on a day to day basis and that has reared its ugly head again in my life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

We know that this day isn't a holiday for everyone but we still wish you a happy day even if it isn't a holiday for you.

The tradition we pass along to our kids is to think of the things that we are thankful for in our lives and while the top of my list is always Jay and the kids, it now includes all of you who have added so much to my life. Of course I am also thankful for good food, good spirits, and good friends...that, to me, is the good life....maybe I'm actually a hobbit?...

This morning we had to rake some of the HUGE amount of leaves in our front yard before the neighbors formed an angry mob and showed up with torches and pitchforks. Every year the kids have a blast jumping in the leaves. This is our Thanksgiving greeting card to all our readers and viewers....thank you for being a part of our lives for more than a year now.



Well...I'm off to stuff myself with noms (thats food btw...not The National Orginization for Marriage)...Have a good day everyone!

Finding hope

O.K. dear readers...its been another busy day with dentist appointments and haircuts so I find myself blogging really late (1 p.m....late for me...later for you).

Reading around the blogospere this afternoon I found an article at The Bilerico Project that resonated with a feeling I have had lately. The article points to a fatigue in the fight for marriage equality. And the comments made against it, shock me. Advocates for marriage equality are facing a protracted battle over those rights and quite often we have to not only work hard against those who are anti-gay, but we also get smack for trying to raise unified support within the gay community as well...

In Like A Lion....Out Like A Lambert

Most of you know of our view when it comes to gays with large audiences not using their influence to help advance the struggle for gay rights. We Called out Ellen and gay YouTubers for not standing up for gay issues when it really counts. And now, to perfectly highlight this issue, along comes Adam Lambert.

For those who haven't been knee deep in gay blogs all month, Adam Lambert has recently been in conflict with OUT Magazine. Follow the saga with me..

Full Faith and Conscience

Lately, I struggle to find the bigger picture in the recent events surrounding religion and the struggle for gay rights. It seems the recent elections of California and Maine have not only galvanized the GLBTQ community, but conservative faith communities as well...and boy are they scared. They will never admit it, but they are. They are buzzing about like a swarm of angry bees after hitting a nest with a stick.




One example of this is the recent "Manhattan Declaration". For those who have not heard of it, its official title is "The Manhattan Declaration: A Call of Christian Conscience,". It was signed by more than 150 Christian leaders from the evangelical community as well as the Roman Catholic Church. Other notable signers include Maggie Gallagher from the National Organization for Marriage and James Dobson of "Focus On the Family". Also included in the signers is Rev. Peter J. Akinola, Archbishop of Province III, Nigeria, who, According to Pams House Blend, has..

Transgendered Remembrance Day

Its a sad and funny fact of life that we can go about our affairs without the smallest clue about the lives of a whole section of humanity. We know this first hand, as this can be a source of frustration for gay people. Its frustrating when I think about the casual way in which people judge my life, without knowing a thing about its realities. So, it was a revelation for me and my husband, when people we knew in our lives, began to come out as transgendered. A whole new world opened and revealed a whole class of people who were suffering societies prejudice, just as we are, yet with more dimensions.

Today is a day to remember transgendered people who have been the victims of violence. It was begun by Gwendolyn Smith of San Francisco for the "Remembering Our Dead Web Project" to honor the life of Rita Hester, who was found stabbed to death in her apartment. Since then, the project has grown to included remembrance ceremonies in communities across the nation. Sadly, transgendered violence continues to rise ...and so the list of those to remember has grown longer....

Ah...Wedded Bliss....NOT

Its been a busy week for legislators tackling the tough issues of marriage equality here in the U.S. It would seem that the catastrophic failures of California and Maine have goaded some lawmakers into...*gasp!*...unprovoked action! Here is a roundup of of the current happenings from the positive to the positively hilarious...

First in the line up, reported on Pam's House Blend, Kentucky and Michigan have legislation submitted to repeal the ban on same-sex marriage in their states. Representative Mary Lou Marzian of Kentucky recently submitted the legislation with the hope of eventually enacting civil unions in the state of Kentucky. When I read this my first thought was, "If California and Maine can't do it, how the hell is Kentucky going to manage this?". That's my bad I guess. Good luck to the peoples of Kentucky and Michigan...Here's to hoping you can accomplish what we have not yet achieved.




Next is rather significant news... The Washington Times reports that the Washington D.C. Board of Elections and Ethics, has denied an attempt by "Stand For Marriage, DC Coalition" to submit D.C.'s proposed gay marriage law to a popular vote despite the attempts of Catholic Charities to threaten D.C. with removal of its not-so-charitable services.

A Brief Gay History...Into Darkness.

Well...it's a slow news day in my opinion. Therefore, since I have no desire to write about Levi Johnston's Playgirl shoot, I have decided that I would do an article on gay history. As I write, hopefully I'm educating myself as well as you, the reader. Hopefully I am not merely regurgitating what everyone already knows...but its nice to see it all together and get a sense of the larger journey.

We are a people who's history is largly untold. Our stories lost to the homophobia and violence of the past. We not only share in the history of the world at large but was also have our own tale to tell...and its sad that we still live under so much persecution that we don't get to learn it. Its a tale of love and tragedy, power and corruption, perseverance and triumph, and ultimately the end has not yet been written. It is, in fact, a tale too large to tell in one piece so I have broken it into installments. Today I will cover samplings of events from our ancient past. From our nacent beginnings lost to the mists of time, to our decent into the dark ages and beyond. I'm sure I will miss mentioning many famous gays along the way but I simply can not fit everything here.

Take a walk with me into days long past....

The People We Trust.

This looks like an honest face right? One you'd trust with your children? This Gentleman is Randolph Forde, a 10th grade teacher at Mundy's Mill High School in Jonesboro Georgia. Mr. Forde is under investigation by Clayton County school officials for,...get this... physically threatening a student and "Putting a hit out on him". All of this after Mr. Forde questioned a students sexuality and later threatened to hit him In th f-ing mouth!.

After all the fuss about how gays are infiltrating school systems and forcing a homosexual agenda on innocent children. Anti-gay pundits raised the mantra Its all about the children!. Indeed it is...the right for alll children straight and gay to go to school in safety. I think everyone needs to remember this story when California goes to reelection over gay marriage and the Anti-gay spin doctors pull the same tired arguments out of the closet about how its the homosexuals who are the threat.

Manic Monday ...Losing My mind

This blog comes to you today, from a housedad on the verge of insanity. Today has been nuts and finding the time to blog has been a challenge. My poor little girl has picked up a case of head lice from who knows where...so now we are in full lock down and sterilization mode. Also, someone backed into Jays commute car recently putting a huge dent in the fender, so I have to get an estimate done. In addition to trying to get my normal Monday chores completed and work in some studying for my html class.

But..I have about two spare brain cells left to put together a post of significant happenings that I would like to share with everyone...from the politically pertinent and Tragic to the eyebrow raising amusement. Normally I would select one or two of these items to post about, but I don't have the ability to discuss in depth today so, I will post these items and open the discussion to you, the reader. Without further ado...

Fighting For Life...Iraq

Normally I don't like to post multiple posts but I was sent this on YouTube today and I felt the need to share it with everyone. This video brings up so much for me. First it sickens and saddens me beyond words. It reminds me that my heroes are the GLBT people who live in countries like this one, who face the threat of death every day. It must be a collosal act of will just to leave your house in the morning. Secondly, to me, it suggests what a country can become when ever a particular religion is allowed free reign over the rights of the people. Though the risk is remote in America, it still exsists.

Watch this with caution...many scenes are graphic and hard to watch. Even worse are the comments left on YouTube. I don't recomend reading them. My heart grieves for these people and for those who love them....and for anyone that thinks we won the war for freedom and goodness in Iraq..this is what we won. Good luck dear reader......

Another Step Along The Road ...Argentina.

After crushing defeat in the struggle for marriage equality in the Live and Let Live State of Maine, it good to see that other countries are still moving forward while we baby step to equality. Argentina Has taken its first steps to full and lasting marriage equality for its citizens. According to an online report at Inquirer.net, Argentine Judge, Gabriela Seijas, ordered ordered the Civil Registry to legalize the marriage of Alejandro Freyre and Jose Maria De Bello. The couple, who had been previously denied marriage on the basis of their Same-sex status, lead them to file a legal complaint on the basis of gender discrimination. According to the report, it is hoped that this will ad extra pressure to pass a gay marriage bill slowly making its way through Argentine Legislature.

Reading this puts me in mind of the day San Francisco Mayor, Gavin Newsom, ordered city hall to begin issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples. That action was swiftly blocked by opponents to gay marriage, but it formed the basis for the legal and electoral battle that followed...including state sponsored discrimination in the form of Proposition 8. however, If not for Mayor Newsoms courage in action, I would not be married to my husband today. Those first tiny pebbles became the landslide that is still changing the greater landscape of gay rights in America. If Argentina succeeds in granting its GLBTQ citizens marriage rights, they will be the first Latin American nation to do so.

Ask A Gay Family 7

Finally!...Its Back!! The next episode of "Ask A Gay Family" is here! This week, in Episode 7, we cover Bi Canadians...well, not exactly....

Looking For A Recomendation

Hello Dear Readers,

I hope I am not imposing too much in seeking a little assistance that I hope will help make this blog a more entertaining experience. I LOVE listening to Groove Salad on SOMA FM while I write and was hoping to find a great radio player widget to add to the blog to stream SOMA's fantastic channels. After much independent searching I have come up with a handfull of less then optimal players that don't seem to work half the time. So I ask my readers who blog, or frequent blogs with players, What works and what doesn't? ...and if you haven't given any of SOMA's channels a listen to, I highly reccomend them, especially Secret Agent and Groove Salad. Both are a very modern lounge sound.

And while I have the subject open...What else could we do to help make this blog a more enjoyable experience....aside from posting earlier in the day...yes I'm looking at you OrangeGoblin.

Thank you, in advance, for your input. I now return you to your regularly, irregular broadcast...

D.ont A.sk D.emocrats T.hey (are too scared)

Well this post is a day late and a dollar short...but real life issues have been bogging me down, so here I am today...doing YESTERDAYS Veterans Day post....fun times.

Yesterday it was announced by Rep. Barney Frank, in the Washington Blade ,that DADT's death is eminent in a defense department procurement bill slated for 2011. The Blade reports Rep. Frank as Saying:

“The House will take up and the Senate will take up ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ repeal,” he said. “That will again, like hate crimes, even more so, will have to be done, I believe, in the context of the defense authorization. You can’t do the standalone bill. It belongs in the defense authorization.”

Frank said lawmakers would seek to amend the defense measure to include a provision repealing “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” Such a move would mimic the way Congress recently enacted the hate crimes measure.

In the meantime NO ONE is making a move to place a moratorium on DADT. 99% of Pentagon and Capitol Hill talking heads claim that DADT is a useless and destructive policy but as yet, no one wants to be seen as the "homo-lover" who moved to stop it.

Acting on Conscience...True Patriotism

Wow...In the catagory of "things that blow me away" today I read a story about Will Phillips, A 10 year old Fifth Grader from Arkansas who has made the personal decision not to recite the "Pledge of Allegiance" until GLBTQ citizens are accorded equall rights. Really?...a 10 year old boy can get it but we get called to the mat for asking the gay community to? Amazing. This kid is awsome and my new hero....

Dancing To Their Tune

Lately we have been getting a lot of negative feedback from those within the gay community for our stance on gay marriage. Most recently because of this video:



Some of our viewers have expressed indignation at the comparisons drawn between the huge loss of life on September 11th and the denial of civil rights enacted by the states of California and Maine. So let me be clear why Sean Chapin made this video and why we support it. First, it was never meant to say that these events are the same. What happened on September 11th was horrific beyond my ability to describe. I bawling my eyes out while watching human beings jump to their deaths rather than die within a burning building and hearing the final goodbyes delivered by cellphone messages to families who would never see their loved ones again. Nothing can approach that day, In my mind.

What this video is pointing out is that the nation sat up and took notice. They did not just move on with life as normal because something was clearly wrong. But yet today, no one seems to have that sense of urgency when a whole class of people have their rights stripped from them. Believe me...we have gotten a mountain of emails from gay people attempting to shame US becuase marriage is "not a priority" for them. We have also been accused a kind of selfishness for asking the community to stand up and support each other. We have been called "privleged white gays" and "mainstreamers". We get comments from gays that are just as vitriolic as anything a conservative could think up. It has been shocking just how much division there is within a community that NEEDS to stand together just to survive...

The Kids Are Alright

As gay parents, Jay and I often get awfull comments from people about our raising Daniel and Selena. Some people raise fair questions while still others resort to ignorant arguments that we will "turn our kids gay". Most of these arguments are emotionally driven, and as such, don't respond well to reasoned argument, but we do our best. I personally have known kids of my generation raised by same-sex parents. On the whole they tended to have the same benifits and challenges as everyone else. In addition...none of them turned out to be gay. They were, however, great friends and a tremendous source of support when I was coming out.

Recently, at nytimes.com Lisa Belkin of the blog Motherlode, wrote on the effects of gay parenting on children and how factors present in same-sex families can help make all parents better parents. Being a gay parent, I couldn't resist. Sorry this is so quote heavy, but so much of this was relevent and needed to be emphasized.

"Protect the children from the Homosexuals!" is the rallying cry of those that wish to deny gays there rights as American citizens. You can hear it in any anti-gay rights campaign, from marriage equality to employment protections. The same tired argument is always made that gay="bad for kids"....On the subject, Belkin had this to say...

Anita Bryant Version 2.0

Remember this? Many readers may, but still more, like me, were simply to young at time to know Anita Bryant. At the time, she was THE spokesperson for religious intolerance...kind of like Maggie Gallagher and Carrie Prejean all rolled into one. Ms. Bryant practiced the same tactics that are still being used against us today. Notice the way she automatically feigns taking the high road in order to appear the victim of a "vicious homosexual", allowing the man to stay to witness their obvious moral superiority. The look that man shot Anita as she prayed spoke volumes more about the terrible impact her words had on the lives of gay men and women than a million angry blogposts could ever communicate. That man stayed, not out of shame for his actions, but to let her know that he was not intimidated by her pretense of holiness.

How far we have come since then, right?...well....

Rise Together

Is this how YOU feel right now?...I know it has been for us lately. I see so many people working so hard to help advance the cause of gay rights, from those who gave of their time to work phonebanks or stump door to door, to those who used whatever means the web can offer. So many of us poured our hearts and souls into California's prop 8 fight and the recent fights in Maine, Washington, and Kalamazoo. To face defeat in Maine has left me feeling like horrible sense of deja vu and like a light is going out in the world.

But now that the dust has settled everyone is looking for someone to blame. Some place that blame on the religious, others on soccer moms, HRC, And..most appropriately, our President. However, the most concerning finger pointing is directed right at us, the gay community.

GLBTQ Declaration of Independance

As we all by now know, a majority of Americans have used their right to vote to illegally remove rights that are written into the constitution of The United States for ALL. So, the question I pose is...is our constitution worth the paper it is printed on if it does not afford ALL our citizens the protections clearly outlined in them. If we are not going to follow that great document, why do we have it? I have great respect and love for the Constitution of The United States and to my country. It is that love that compels me to write this. Some will see this as unpatriotic sacrilege...from my point of view it is reminding this great nation of its purpose and responsibilities.

So as a GLBTQ citizen Not afforded full and equal protection under our laws...this is my Declaration of Independence....

Religious Bias Deconstructed

TODAY IS ELECTION DAY!!!...And everyone has the jitters, including the very groups that picked this battle to begin with. the Family Policy Council, yet another Maine anti-gay policy group, has issued a statement about the uncertain outcome of today's election and their long view on the the fight against gay marriage. The editorial is credited to a "staff writer"...Whenever conservatives decline to put there name on a document like this or post a nasty YouTube video under a pseudonym without showing their true name and face, I pretty much take it as an admission that on some level they are afraid that what they are asserting is wrong and that they are unconsciously ashamed of it. If anything in this article was worth the time it took to write then why can't they own up to it? If they fear personal attack, then perhaps they should not venture into the world of public opinion. Sadly, for gay people, we don't have the option to not participate. We have to put our opinions, stories, and real identities out there. If we don't, people like this editorialist feel free to continue painting us as villains and anarchists.

The original flaming bag of dog poo*....er...article is posted over at their websitewww.mainefamilypolicycouncil.com but I am breaking it down here to make the differences in our messages clear.

Not So Smart Advertising And Common Adsense

The struggle for Marriage Equality has never been a straight forward fight...sometimes people fight dirty and we've seen abundant instances of where the "Yes On 1" campaign is willing to lie to achieve its goals. But lately, some of those dirty tactics have turned up on the our YouTube page. I'm sure all of you are familiar with this ad by now:



Yes ..their story is shocking in that it took NPR's original story, dismantled it, and reassembled it into something they could use to inspire more homo hysteria. Its also shocking that they are willing to use children as intellectual human shields...but that's not the issue here.

Happy Halloween!...What Are YOU Doing This Year?

Well here we are again at another Halloween...my favorite holiday...and yet again I am not dressing up or hosting a party....*Sigh*...that makes the victims sooo much harder to come by...

But first lets set the mood......

Londoners Rally against Hate Crimes

Londoners gather in the thousands last night for a candle light vigil and to protest the rise in hate crimes against GLBTQ people in recent weeks as well as to honor the lives of Ian Baynham and James Parkes. Parkes, a police Trainee was nearly beaten to death and Baynham was beaten to death after exiting a London bus bound for a night on the town. Both incidents were driven by hommophobia and only the most recent examples attacks of this kind.

Please join in the moment of silence and the reading of the fallen:



I dare you not to get goose bumps during the reading of these names. As they were read off I could not help but think...this is not the end of that list...we could easily add those from America...And those from Iraq who are being slaughtered by the handfull even right now.

It was fantastic to see so many turn out in support of ending violence against gays. I do wonder though how British television spun it.

One really poignent moment in the video is during the silence when the sirens began to wail....it seemed to an apropriate statement on the state of safety for GLBTQ people.

We send our heartfelt sympathy to the families of the fallen and we stand with you in the hopes that vigils like these never have to be held again.

Fight The Good Fight With.....Talk?

The fight is full on people and we are in count down mode in three states over ballot initiatives that range from marriage equality to fair housing in Kalamazoo Michigan. Everyone is putting out the call to do what you can to contribute to these campaigns. I would like to add that what happens in these campaigns will likely effect California's rebid for gay marriage in 2010, hopefully before they modify our constitution....but that's another topic altogether.

Of all the things that we can do, the most effect thing is just simple conversation. You would think, that in this day and age, EVERYONE would know about the struggle for marriage equality...but sadly this is not true. Many people have no one to talk to about it so that leaves them at the mercy of their church or to conflicting t.v. ads.

Would Someone Please Email Me A Copy Of The Masterplan

I Don't know about anyone else but my copy of the "Homosexual Agenda" never arrived. No shadowy figure EVER handed me and envelope with "Master Plan" written on it but you'd never guess that from this ad From "Yes On 1":



WOW...I had no idea we were so well organized...

Blessed Are The Peacemakers

Often in our efforts to participate in the struggle for gay rights I have struggled with my own belief that succumbing to anger is to sink to a level of inhumanity that robs us of a precious connection with GOD, with our connection to the source of all life. It bars us from seeing others around us in our life, even those who don't agree with us and even stand against us, as basically human. Sound familiar? It should because that's what the anti-gay groups are doing to us every day...stripping away our essential humanity to make it easier for them to see us as an evil "them". That's how we become that shadowy cabal they all have in their minds.

Curious thoughts On The Power of the Pen ...The Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes Act

Few people have the power to change the world with only the power of their pen. Even if that change only protects those who are most at risk of violence and victimization. Today, as we speak, President Barack Obama has signed the Matthew Shepard Hate crimes bill into law.

I imagine the presidents inbox looks rather full and on the top of today's "to do" pile would be sitting this particular bill as he takes it off the pile and holds it up to the light...duly considering its benefits and implications while thoughtfully stroking his chin. Then, with great care, he places the document on his desk and reaches for his silver presidential pen, The heaviest pen ever made, carrying with it the weight of conscience and history. He sweeps aside the flotsam and jetsam of presidential duty (like a Doma repeal and a moratorium on Don't Ask Don't Tell). Then, With one fluid movement he signs his name and ...

Spread The Word

3-2-1 Countdown for Equality: No Bittersweet Victories
Help WA, ME and Kalamazoo Win on November 3rd: Blog About the Campaigns Today
Progressives are closer than ever to a victory on health care reform. As 2009 comes to a close, we've moved forward on other issues. But what's looming up ahead could be a disappointment.

Why Is Our Love Rated "R"?

One thing people don't know about Jay is that he is a total movie hound. He LOVES to watch movies. All kinds...good, bad, or indifferent. The Netflix people must have a special courier just for our house because those little red envelopes never seem to leave. A great deal of what we get are total stinkers, In my humble opinion. However, every once in a while, a great movie comes along, much to my surprise. "Shelter" was just such a movie. It was directed by Jonah Markowitz of Quinceanera fame and starring Trevor Wright and Brad Rowe. But my reason for posting about this movie is in more than just its story.

King And King

Few Claims made by the pro-prop 8 crowd caused more collective sphincters to tighten worse than the claim that homosexuality was being taught to children in public schools. However, anyone with two braincells to rub together knows that it is not NOW, nor EVER WAS true. Having kids in the public school system myself, I can vouch for this. However, one of the most scurilous examples that was used to support this claim was the book, "King and King" by Linda De Haan and Stern Nijland. Get a load of the homo paranoia here:

My Big Gay Anniversary....Squared

Most couples only get one anniversary to repeatedly forget year after year to the consternation of their spouses. Those of us in the GLBTQI world often get many. I mean it...lots. In fact, I think we should get a bulk discount from Hallmark.

For Jay and I it goes down something like this. First is the day we kissed along the beach at Goat Rock. That was the day our relationship went from "friends" to "boyfriends" in one moment of destiny...

Sam Harris...Free

Can many of us remember back when we where young and watching Star search? Ed McMahon hosted many acts that are still going strong today. When I was young I watched along with my family even though I groused because it was seriously cutting into my cartoon time...yes this was the 80's and this was the American Idol of our day. Many very famous people came from Star Search including Rosie O'Donnell, Britney spears, Sharon Stone, Dave Chappell, and one singer in particular that we had the opportunity to meet...Sam Harris.

This Is What America Means...A Must See

O.K....wiping the tears out of my eyes now...bear with me...

Enough Is Enough

Yesterday I found a fantastic article here on queerty that says what I wish every fair-minded faith leader would say...Enough is Enough!



Here is a sample of Former Bishop John Shelby Spongs words in a recently released manifesto detailing his current position with the church on homosexuality:

...oh my....

as we all know the time changes soon. Here is a U.K. advert that will make this annual event a tad less boring...Oh, and bring a towel...



I would right something pithy about how progressive the intent of this ad is or how in America we don't make commercials to teach people how to do things....we just let them royally screw it up but I can't....I'm too busy wiping up the drool with that towel I mentioned....

How Do We Put A Label On Love?

One thing I don't believe that ANY straight person understands is that a gay couples worst nightmare is to have the one they love die. That's soul crushing for anyone regardless of sexual orientation. But for many gay couples it carries a heavier meaning. That trip to the hospital may be the last time they ever see their loved one again. They will not be able to be present to hold their hands as they take their last breaths not get to to softly kiss their brow and say good buy. They will have no right and no say in how their love is honored. As many gay seniors pass on into GODS hands, the ones they leave behind have their homes and possessions stripped from them by relatives that NEVER honored their love or commitment to each other. All the pictures and mementos of a life lived together taken away by callous family members.

Don't think it happens?...Take a look:

Family Equality Council...Going Places

Oh yes, We went a LOT of places this month and we are pooped!....One of those places was to Los Angeles to attend the Family Equality Councils annual award and fundraiser event. This year, We were one of the recipients of the FEC's achievement awards for our work on Youtube. It was an incredible honor.

But...first things first...the photos...we met with the wonderful folks of the Family Equality council for a few photo oportunities...

HRC/Obama Dinner...and Why We Shouldn't Get Our knickers In A Twist

Much conversation has been generated about the meanings and implications of President Obama's speech at the HRC and about its Leader Joe Solmonese. Among those questions raised is just who the Human Rights Campaign actually represents...

Finally acurate NEM coverage!

This is not particularly up to date news...but I did laugh my *ss off. I hope you will too...

The National Equality March...March On!

There has been alot of coverage of the National Equality March circling the net this last few days. In my opinion most of it seems to be agenda laden and heavy on bias. Not that I will be bias free..quite the opposite. I will do the best I can to give you my account as seen from a marchers point of view. We had many adventures before the march itself and after, but for the sake of time I will limit myself to just our account of the march. Without further ado...

NEM...And An Introverts Experience In Activism

Tomorrow morning we board the plane to Washington D.C. and I am both excited and nervous. Nervous because I hate flying and excited because, we are about to walk into the largest gathering of gay men and women in recent history...

Give Me Some Of That Ol' Time Revisionist Religion

Its been a busy week in the sphere of gay rights and religion. It seems that with all the battles raging across the country gay marriage and health care are stirring the pot. Skeletons are falling out of closets and the right-wing nuts are coming out of the woodwork with complete abandon...

Hear No Evil...Read No Evil

Well its Halloween again, my favorite holiday! I love all the spooky decorations and scary costumes. And whats the scariest thing out there this season? Vampires?...no. Flesh eating zombies?...wrong again. Brain sucking aliens?...Ha! you wish! The scariest thing this Halloween is.....Penguins! Yup you heard me right. Lock your doors!Hide in the closet! and put on your tinfoil hats because the penguins are coming to get your children!

A House Divided...

Today I have to open a particularlly ugly can o' worms. And one I don't quite know how to frame. Do I present this unbiased and let you draw your own conclusion or give my honest opinion?

Recently in Queerty was a rather vitriolic article from one of their contributing bloggers, Nakhone Keodara. In it he states that since the LGBT Movement is so full of rampant racism and white privelidge that he is opting to quite the movement alltogether. Mr. Keodara worked with the "Gays United Network". He has been a consistant critic of the effort to place gay marriage back on California's ballot in 2010. He has also been very vocally critical of Cleve Jones and the "National Equality March" Recently he removed his organizations endorsement of the 2010 election in favor of 2012 and recieve and recieved a great deal of critisiscm...that is till he deemed the cause unworthy on the grounds of racial discrimination....

"Its Not What You Call Me...."

"But What I Answer to".

This is a quote From Whoopie Goldberg in her autobiography. the quote itself is attributed to being an African proverb. For me...It sums up my feelings on being out to the world and having the strength to be who I am without apologies. Its sentiment touches on the topic of this weeks episode of "Ask A Gay Family Episode 6 "What If"...

Keeping My Promise...Gay Like You

Awhile back I made a promise to a friend. We were contacted on Youtube to do an interview with a really nice blogger working out of Peru by the name of Antonio. We don't get alot of requests for interviews so when we do we generally accept. What followed was a lengthy conversation between Antonio and us regarding gay parenthood, and our online activism. After finally completing the questions and going back and forth we were asked to help put the word out about his blog and I heartily agreed. Then life when crazy and I could barely post on my own blog, but now I get to keep that promise....

Batsh-t Crazy

Being immersed in the small circle of gay blogs that I have lately, I have had the opportunity to hear this term alot. In my heartfelt opinion, it accurately describes the state of the good ol' U.S. of A. This blog has and will continue to be primarily about gay issues but I see so much disturbing information lately. Much of it involving the same types of people who would happily strip all my rights away and banish us to an island somewhere, if not put a bullet in our heads...really...Batsh-t crazy! But first lets set the mood with a song that's been bouncing around my head as I read all this stuff...



This is one of the songs my dad played alot when I was growing up. Now, I may not agree with all the lyrics in this song... especially the "dykes and fairies" part but, "tell me where is sanity" Indeed...