Monday, October 17, 2011

Right To Love....Just Don't Pray



Many of my readers may already be aware that our family has been the focus of a documentary about Prop 8 and our YouTube activism called Right To Love: An American Family. The movie has been in production for quite a while and I am happy to report that it is   nearing completion and should be ready very soon. In preparation for release...Jayebird productions put together a new teaser trailer which I have posted above.

Now the reason I bring this up today is not really to bump the trailer but more to discuss an issue that has frustrated both my husband and myself. We have been sending this trailer out to any gay blogs we can think of in the hopes of highlighting the project, but they have been kicking it back because there is a scene with us saying grace around the dinner table. Now....blogs can pick and choose what they want to promote, and probably get inundated with a ton of requests from people asking them to promote their personal projects, I won't fault anyone for trying for controling their own content. The part that gets me, is that one blog admitted that it was the prayer specifically that made them uncomfortable. That is incredibly frustrating to me and my husband who see walls of posts on the blogs about celebrities coming out and how to check out hot guys on google maps....but no one wants to touch a project that could help change the way people see gay families because they are uncomfortable with it's rather tame and low key religious element.

My question to my readers is....Are we wrong to be frustrated by this?  It seems that we focus alot of sex, celebritities, tragedies, and hate mongers...that stuff brings the readers and lights up the comment boards....but when it comes to more positive projects, no one has any interest. Take a look at the trailer and decide for yourself. What is in there that is so provocative?....or is showing our everyday life in film format just not as provocative Zachary Quinto coming out?  You decide and let me know what you think...

Until next time dear readers....

24 comments:

  1. OK..yours truly here is sooo pissed off about this!!! You guys have changed so many minds and hearts..AND helped so many people. Your vids have touched me personally because if it were not for you guys I would have never met our good friend Garry and now his partner Clyde. They BOTH have enriched our lives so much. Garry is one of those "friends forever" kind of guys and I thank you both so much.

    I think I told you..we went to Cleveland Pride this past summer. There were THOUSANDS of "regular" people there. There were police officers..attorneys...psychologists and xray techs(lol) families...BUT..the pic our newspaper put in the next day was of 2 men dressed in drag as nuns... We both contacted the paper and GLAAD. It is no wonder that old Mr. and Mrs. Jones across the street think that we are all freaks!!!! I always knew the mainstream media was against us but now to discover the gay media is as well makes me sooo mad!!! Bryan I am so glad you used this topic on your blog..it gets a lot of hits. I hope it wakes some of us up out here in the real world!!!! Big hugs! Jim

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  2. This is absolutely frustrating! As a gay Christian, attending a bible school in Minnesota, I believe that this is one of the main reasons that homosexuality has a persistent stigma. Many Christians only see the promiscuous side of homosexuality, because that is what is outlined by the media. It is blogs and families like yours that give me hope- I just wish it was more visible to others. I want to thank you for what you do and how you encourage others.

    With love.

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  3. The blog you refer to is a gossip blog. So almost all they write is negative or throw shit about others. It's very rare they write anything positive at all.

    I don`t know but I think there are several celebrities and gay celebrities and their families that really makes a wonderful and important job. When it comes to visibility, normalization of gay families and relationships etc,they also fight for equal rights. I think we needs both ordinary families (as yours) and celebrity families. Both parties make a good and important job.It is important to stand together to change people's perceptions about homosexuality, and we need people to change to change the law.

    In a way I can understand that some will find it hard to post things that have to do with religion. Just because the radical Christian( ekstreminisme is always dangerous, no matter in what form) groups have done and still do a great harm (and uses a lot of money)to people who are gay, be treated differently, not having equal rights, not wanting them to live their lives like other couples / families.where some of them wants to criminalize homosexsuality. They cover themselves with their own religion (and in the U.S. there are many extreme religious people)They let religion control regulations, laws. And it's scary. And now when the world is in economic instability,it is feeding extra increase hatred against lgbtq people. But I can also see you your points. There is nothing wrong in believing in a god and pray, etc.Most religious people if they are gay/straight, have a faith that is not extreme. where it is a personal thing and how people can think for themselves and distinguish their personal faith (no matter what religion people have or if they are non believers) They also believe everyone has the same value, where people have the same rights, duties, etc.But I understand that you think it can be difficult because it is complicated in today's society.
    Bella

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  4. i've noticed a growing anti-christian sentiment (even for those actually living out jesus' command to love thy neighbor) on the gay blogs, very sad

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  5. I may not have a big blog but you are up on mine now Bryan. I hope it helps. It shocks me that anyone in our community knowing what we all struggle with would discriminate so.

    You have my support. :)

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  6. @Amanda. I think it is more just plain "anti-religion" because so many religions twist their "rule books" around to demonize us... We need to direct our anger at the "phony" Christians..Jews..etc who do this... The Pope is number one on my list and I grew up Catholic!!! That man is a far cry from a "Christian!" Christ would be appalled!!!

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  7. When those in our “own community” want to pick and choose what parts of Gay Rights they will support - well, what makes them any better than those that want to keep us all as second class citizens?!? Shame on them if they make such decisions not to show support in this project because of the "Christian prayer". It is time that we learn that we can only get the respect as individuals (and couples! and families!) that we deserve when WE are willing to offer the same to others. I happen to be of the Christian faith - but the point of this documentary would have been just as powerful if your family had been Jewish - or Muslim - no matter... GOD did not turn his back on us - "people" did - and the fact they use HIS name still today – well, that is WHY this message - your message - your family - must be shown to the world. For those that feel as I do - PLEASE publish these particular “gay” blogs that have refused to support this endeavor - I wish to SHARE my humble opinion of what I think of their decision!

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  8. I can't understand it. I'm a rabid atheist but one who believe that if you want to believe, so be it so long as you don't force it down my throat.

    So pray all you want. If it makes you feel better, let it be so.

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  9. Sorry, my post was a bit messy, because the computer kept freezing up. Your video is up on Towleroad. It is good. You are doing a good job.
    Bella

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  10. I really enjoyed the video, it shows that gay families in a positive light. If i would be in you & yours husband's situation i would be upset too. I believe in God & am proud of it & i don't understand why a family praying together before a meal would make anyone feel uncomfortable. My family usually didn't pray before a meal but once in a while we did. I know that sex scenes & bad news travels faster than the good news, but you guys worked hard to show the gay community in a good way. People should always have a choice of what they want to put on their blogs but those gay blogs should take a second look at that trailer. To me it shows a family & a community loving & caring for each other.

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  11. Could you show these unfriendly blogs the older trailer? I know it's a little longer, but only by a few seconds. I personally liked the older trailer more. Not because I have any problems with seeing people pray, but because I feel that the older trailer was more "political". Maybe people who don't like this new trailer for whatever reason might like the older one... ???

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  12. Hi Bryan, I love your family, and I can't wait for the film to come out. Your family have inspired and changed me a lot. It will be so great if the film can reach out to all people all over the world. They have to see it. And for people like me, they deserves to have a chance to see it.
    An

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  13. Cant wait for the movie! Looks very interesting, and I dont know why people would be put of with yous guys praying around the table. Keep trying though! Send links everywhere - looks to me like a video many many people in America and here need to see. Goodluck!
    Rob

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  14. Wow...thanks everyone. I am blown away by your responses. All of you really made a difference....now lets hope that the movie can do the same :)

    You guys rock...
    Bryan

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  15. Dear Bryan, I do not understand why there's such a hassle about the 'saying grace' part in the video. This video is not meant to tackle topics such as religion in the first place... it has a more important purpose(some people simply don't get the message I guess and they probably never will). As far as I know, nobody should be 'pointing fingers' since I think we all pray/say grace or did/do something similar during our lives, so why shouldn't you? You guys are trying to battle discrimination... it doesn't make sence if people start discriminating because of the fact that you guys like to say grace ^^. I doubt that the saying grace part will make much of a difference, most people should already be stunned/emotional after the first 20 seconds of this trailer :) (atleast I was ^^). Looking forward to the actual movie! Greets from BE! TS.

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  16. You are my heroes, so I can hardly hold it against you if your prayer (like all prayers) caused me a moment of discomfort. Anyway, it isn't your job (or a movie trailer's job) to ensure that I never experience discomfort. But please don't just assume that all negative reactions to prayer are frivolous.

    I am one of nine children, all brought up to be catholics -- and none of us are religious now. As far as I know, none of us suffered sexual abuse, but our religious upbringing was abusive emotionally, and I will never be able to see religion in a positive light. It is simply a stick that has been used to beat me, and whenever someone holds that stick up in front of me, I can't help squirming a bit.

    Adult life has certainly done nothing to make religion seem less menacing to me. Once, when my company required us all to go to a "diversity" training class, there was a role-playing exercise in which people were assigned to play the part of some minority or other. Two engineers in the class refused to take on the role of gay employees, saying that their religion told them homosexuality was wrong. Guess what the class instructor did? She caved in completely. She accepted the religious excuse as valid. If their religion told them homosexuality was wrong, then she had to accept that. Both of them were excused from having to speak for gay employees. There wasn't even a caveat thrown in, to the effect that they must nevertheless be decent to actual gay employees. Religion trumped every principle that the class was supposed to be teaching: it's acceptable to be a bigot, so long as you're religious. We've all been exposed to this kind of thinking, all our lives. Asking people not to let it affect their feelings about religion is asking a lot.

    I think what might be making people most uncomfortable about the prayer in the trailer, even if they aren't saying so, is that they're worried about one possible reason the prayer was included in it in the first place. Is it there to show that these gay guys must be okay -- because they're religious? To non-religious people, it is always scary to see people's religious faith held up as the ultimate proof that they must be good people. (Because, if that's the test of goodness, then we're no good.)

    Not that the trailer actually says "these gay guys must be okay because they're religious", but surely you can understand why people might worry that this was the point being made.

    I have watched the trailer several times, trying to feel more accepting of the prayer, and I thought I had succeeded pretty well at it, up to the point this discussion started, and reminded me of why it bothered me the first time.

    But, in all this, I'm not forgetting my own bottom line: you are my heroes.

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  17. Hey guys! Just posted the trailer on our site: http://itsconceivablenow.com/2011/10/19/gay-family-values-met-jay-bryan/

    Hope this helps in some small way!

    Best,

    Kendra
    Keash@itsconceivablenow.com

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  18. Thanks again for your support everyone and even to those with different viewpoints...I appreciate the feedback.
    Bryan

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  19. People can be so paranoid when it comes to religion. In most cases, as in this video, a prayer is just a prayer. It is said because the person believes in it, not because they are trying to make a point or force their views on you. I have never been religious, I was not raised that way; but the only time that an honest (meaning when religion is not being used to make a point) prayer has made me uncomfortable is when I have been in situations where I felt pressure to participate.

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  20. Consider this... Whenever gay rights/gay people are painted negatively religion is one of the main reasons given for that discrimination. Now it has to be said the bible is not exactly pro-gay. So on the whole can you really blame the gay community for not being happy with seeing you praying to the same god that the Christian right use to gay-bash.

    Now I know you don't believe that god was anti-gay, you believe in a loving, forgiving god but other people don't see it that way. They see religion as the stick that's being used to beat them.

    You have a right to express your religion and indeed there's a validity in re-capturing the the religious centre ground from the extreme right and basically saying to the religious right and the gay community "that's not the god I pay to".

    An interesting thing to ask you is, if I made an anti-god blog and asked you to circulate it, would you be happy to do that?. I suspect you would circulate it but I'm not sure you'd be happy to do it. Maybe I'm wrong on that, I don't know.

    Anyway it seems you've entered into a different fight, theist against atheist and anti-god. This is different from the gay-antigay battle you guys generally fight, sad to say there's going to be casualties.

    Hollyxx

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  21. Hey Bryan,

    Don't let it bother you. A lot of us were scarred by religion as kids and carry that into adulthood. But as someone who worked on the the ill-fated "No on 8" campaign, one of the things that worked was outreach to LGBT friendly pastors -- to prove that not all people of faith are anti-gay, and that the view of a few right-wing denominations shouldn't drive the debate. While I fall on the scale somewhere between agnostic and atheist, people still need to see that gay people are members of congregations just as much as they need to see that gay people have families.

    Keep up the good work.

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  22. As a gay Christian I appreciated the grace, and it reminded me of my own childhood. I guess I understand people who are against anti-gay Christianity, but I don't understand fellow LGBTQ being anti-Gay Christian. I hope that they can change their minds.
    I don't have a big following, but I posted the video anyhow. Good luck on the movie, I look forward to seeing it!

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  23. I'm the son and grandson of Baptist preachers, went through a very religious phase in college (wanted to be a missionary) and am now pretty much agnostic. But I totally support any gay person their right to follow a particular religion. I'd be more than happy to post about your doc on my blog — just let me know what and when.

    Best,
    Brent
    http://thedesignerdaddy.com

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  24. I mentioned this to Jay on the Youtube channel,and received a nice response; however, I'll mention here to you as well, Bryan: It was the trailer's prayer scene specifically that grabbed my attention. It demonstated that this movie is going to be different, with real people. It made me want to watch more of your videos and share info. about the movie with my friends. I grew up with a background similar to yours and still feel an immediate kinship to anyone who prays. That a prayer -- ending "in Jesus' name" no less -- was shown in a glbt movie trailer made me smile ear-to-ear. I thank you and Jay for not editing out the spiritual side of your family, and I thank the filmmakers for not erasing this part of your life from the feature film. Many of us relate strongly to this side of your family. Reality is sexy. Plastic families are for catalogues.

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