Saturday, January 7, 2012

Stolen Childhood

Welcome back everyone....

I know it's been a long time since I have written anything. But, that does not mean that it has been an uneventful beginning to the year. The kids are still off for Christmas vacation and my husband has taken off some time to help care for Baby Boy and the our house is full and very busy. Additionally, I have not been so happy with the gay related news these days. It seems like it's all completely wrapped up in the Republican primaries and the insane viewpoints of it's candidates. I have to admit that I am sick of hearing about Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, and Michelle Bachman to the point that I am afraid to even log onto the internet anymore. They are on everywhere, all the dam time...and they seem intent on pushing each other over to prove who is the most "conservative(I.E. against the gays). Case in point...

Via Towleroad and reported by the Miami herald...Rick Santorum wants to be your president...and this is what he thinks of same-sex adoption and children's rights to a safe home:

Citing the work of one anti-poverty expert, Santorum said, "he found that even fathers in jail who had abandoned their kids, were still better than no father at all to have in their childrens' lives."
Allowing gays to marry and raise children, Santorum added, amounts to "robbing children of something they need, they deserve, they have right to. You may rationalize that that isn't true, but in your own life and in your own heart, you know it's true."

Really?...robbed?!...then I have a little story to tell about how Baby Boy came to be in our care this Christmas. Brace yourself and grab a's going to be hard to hear...

For those who need to catch up... Baby Boy had been removed from his mother's custody after she was pulled over at 3 a.m. for weaving all over the road and driving under the influence of drugs. Baby Boy was with mom in the car and had two ear infections. He was removed from her care and placed with us on an emergency basis. Flash forward three months and the county has found a local relative willing to take Baby Boy in long term while his mom undergoes drug treatment and the family reunification process. Flash forward another six months and we are getting the call asking us to take Baby Boy back again because of suspected child abuse on the part of this same relative. He was diagnosed as failure to thrive...a fancy term for "he won't eat", scoliosis, possible autism, and even multiple sclerosis. That about catches us up to the present.
This last week Baby Boy has been doing really well. The kid they claimed wouldn't eat?....eats like a horse. mealtime is his favorite part of the day and we joke that he is "little Daniel" because of how much he loves food. He is clear, aware, and responsive even if he isn't using words yet. He can say a lot with grunts and baby talk and he usually does. He laughs easy and loves to play with the other kids. He is a beautiful little boy in every respect and completely different then what he was being cast as on paper.
This week we took him to his first follow up doctors appointment for his arm and they read to me the full report of what happened to him .....When the EMT's had been called it was under the explanation that Baby boy had thrown himself against the wall of his crib and had then gone into a seizure. The EMT's reported bruises on his cheeks and around his ears. His left elbow had been fractured. And there was scrapping in the genital area as well as a small amount of blood. He was taken to the emergency room and from there, flown to Oakland Children's Hospital where x-rays showed that his arm had been broken previously.

Hearing it all rocked me. The relatives explanations for Baby Boys behavior did not match up with his injuries at all and their explanations for his wait loss and emotional withdrawal weren't matching how he was behaving in our home. clearly something awful had happened to him in that home and hearing it play out made me feel sick. I could not believe all that he had gone through in such a short amount of time. It was like being punched in the gut and I just wanted to pick Baby Boy up and hold him.
The doctor claimed that she was shocked to hear it herself as the relatives had always appeared to be very proactive and involved in his care. They had claimed to be giving him three pediasures nutrition drinks a day in addition to his regular food but that he was not eating. Talking to social workers who supervised family visits told a similar tale of a little boy who had withdrawn into himself, had deep circles under his eyes, and would not interact with anyone. This was not the Baby Boy I had known and my heat broke with every sentence. yet this wasn't some stranger that did this to him...This was his family. 
So I would like anyone who believes that same-sex parents are more harmful to kids than letting them be with families like these to tell me how they justify that. As Rick Santorum believes that having gay parents robs them of something...what about the time this two year old has lost to fear, neglect, and violence? A piece of his childhood has been stolen from him. He has seen far more than any child should and you can see it in his serious little eyes.
For all he has been through, Baby Boy is doing well, though he has further to go. He eats a lot, he laughs, he plays, and he loves with an open heart. All things that should be a part of a child's life. I think it's amazing that he can do that. I think in part it is because of his age...but I also think he's a pretty strong soul. What he has been through makes him a very serious little boy. he has had to learn to be very cautious and his life has held no gaurantees. but in spite of all that, his heart is intact and when he smiles and giggles its like the sun shining through. For all he has been through...Baby Boy is going to be OK and I don't intend on letting him go again. Mr. Santorum can consider that a theft all he wants...I consider it restoring to Baby Boy what should have been his already...a childhood filled with love, safety, and happy memories. That is what being a family is all about and what I know in my heart is true.
Until next time dear readers..... 


  1. Thanks for the details on Baby Boy's story. From what you say I think he's happy with your family and that it is the BEST place for him.

    I think you two are really the proof that demonstrates the untruths that Santorum and other Republicans are spouting these days with regard to LGBT people and LGBT parents in particular.

  2. Is there any chance that his family will get him back? How much will you have to fight to keep him? And his arm had been broken previously? Did it heal properly? So many questions -- and the most important thing is that he is safe now.

  3. Thank you so much for posting this. It was hard to read, because I felt like I was reading the story of how my own son came to live with my family.

  4. @JOHN Yes, it appears that his arm had been broken in a similar place previously from the report of the doctor who saw him at Ookland childrens Hospital. There is still a lot that I am not clear on but it appears that its ok....thats the great thing about young kids bones. They grow so fast that they heal just as fast. He will need a cast for 4-6 weeks.

    Also, County social workers have been on unvoluntary leave so the state can save a little money. we have not been able to talk to anyone about his case yet. So we are keeping our emotions in check till we do. I think there is still a grandpa out their that wanted baby boy...but the native american tribe that baby boy is a member of did not want baby boy with him...who knows why.

    there is just too many unknowns right now :(

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  6. Thanks Bryan and Jay ! No child should go through this. No child should life in home in fear to get beaten up, being sexually, emotionally or physically abused, being neglected or mistreatend in any way you can imagine.

    I work in a hospital and I see badly abused childs from time to time while taking xrays to get evidence for judges. And it hurts a lot to see these kids. I've my own history with this issue and I hope he can become your child and stay safe.

  7. I’m so sick of all these Republican Bible-thumping theocratic freaks that I can barely stand to watch the news anymore, especially Fox aka “The GOP-Jesus-Talk-Radio-TV-Network” as I enjoy calling them. If Santorum ends up becoming President, I think I’m about ready to defect to Canada.

    One would need to be religiously psychotic to believe that Baby Boy would be better off in his own hetero dysfunctional hellhole of a family than where he is now…. And we all know that Santorum is exactly that kind of nutjob.

  8. I just watched the debates. Apparently I'm masochistic. But I support you so much. Are all the folks on that stage really so oblivious to real life?! Have they never met a gay person like us, or never known a single person who was adopted? Not a single one of them makes any sense. They just spout buzzwords.

    Anyway, as always thank you for sharing your lives and for giving children a safe haven, and for being you. I hope to adopt some day too. Thoughts, prayers and hugs to all of you, especially little baby boy. I look forward to hearing his progress. What a strong baby he is.

  9. You two would make very good pairents and family for Little Boy. He has been through to much with his other "family." I know for shour he will be very happy to be apart of your family. Mr. Santorum, should do his research on cases that are simaler situations as Little Boy or other kid(s) as much as possible. So he can find some kind of persentage, on the kid(s) that they were happier to be in a home where pairants & family that loves them NO matter what kind of pairants & family they are.

  10. how horrible that it happened to him, and this post is a living proof that you're terrific dads. It just kills me that people like Santorum would just say insane things that just pop out of their mouths like, "Those kids are being robbed of something" when being raised by gay parents. It is very clear thatgay parents are just as capable of raising kids and nothing is being robbed of them. There are people, like the baby boy's parents, who don't know jack about raising kids and would abuse them and lie to escape punishment. What about them? Oh, they don't matter, it's the sexuality we want to focus on and demonize.

    Jay and Bryan, you two are so awesome and it kills me when people hurt children, especially little baby boy, and i'm glad you're there to take him in. I just want to claw the mother's face to be honest, but i know you might not want me to and that i should always restrain myself.

  11. Santorum is an embarrassment. Insulting voters might not be the best way to get elected but why stop now when you're so good at it. Besides he can always ask his "gay friends" get out the gay vote.

  12. You guys are amazing parents, I hope baby boy gets to stay with you forever.

  13. Santorum has no chance of winning. He's having the time of his life with all the attention, but his appeal is to a rather small portion of the GOP. Note that he was even booed by College Republicans for an anti-gay remark this weekend. But he isn't going away any time soon. He obliges the media with the stereotypes they love reporting, and he needs no money to remain in a campaign he has no intention of actually winning. So there will be another six months of Santorum quotes. I try to think of it as entertainment, a sad comedy, but not truly representative of the real future.

  14. As far as I'm concerned the whole GOP can go to the hell they are trying to send others to. I know adult survivors of abusive straight parents. I have known abused and neglected children. No child should be unwanted and neglected and abused. We GLBT people are the ones who, by and large, are raising the children unwanted by the likes of Mr. Frothy Mix's "ideal family."

    He is a monster.

    Bless you two for taking on these children and making them your own. Here's hoping you get to keep and adopt Baby Boy.


    Starshadow, mom and grandma.

  15. I am hoping all of their homophobia explodes in their faces this year. It is not 2004. The fact that creating a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage is at the top of their priority list is telling. We all need to be vocal in exposing their hate and hypocrisy. Voters need to see blogs like yours Bryan... Thanks for showing the world what REAL gay families and gay parents look like.

    So glad your little peanut is safe!! :)

  16. Hope you are able to get the parental rights terminated but if this is like most cases he will be sent back home to his real family

  17. Hope everything goes well for you guys. you have an awesome family....I hope to get to see Right to Love where I am but highly doubt it.

    Baby Boy is so lucky to have his Daddy Jay and Daddy Bryan back in his life.

  18. Our childhood is something we have to learn to treasure; yet it is usually too late by the time we realise it's passed. No child should be deprived of having the care and love, the respect, and family values you clearly uphold for your children and Baby Boy.
    I take the inspirational words of Charlie Chaplin:
    "We all want to help one another, human beings are like that.
    We all want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery. We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this world there is room for everyone...
    We think too much and feel too little:
    More than machinery we need humanity;
    More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness.
    Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost!"
    you have my best wishes for what it's worth :)