Wednesday, April 7, 2010

I Married A Type A

O.k....blogging has not been so reliable these I sure my frustrated readers are all too aware of. Part of this has had to do with the recent additions to our family. Raising five kids keeps you constantly moving after all. But....What you may not know about us, and about Jay more specifically, is that he is a super A-type personality. Once he gets a wild hare to do something, all other activities stop, as his project sucks up all time and attention. Lately we are building a closet. Build a closet you say? Not such a big deal. surely theres time for other things? know, like regular meals, daiper changes, .....breathing. But sadly, such is not the case.

This project is the PRE-project to gutting the master bathroom and enlarging it into an existing closet space, eventually allowing us to piece together a larger master bathroom. But that means building a set of "built in" closets in the master bedroom space to house our clothes. On the surface we thought we could totally tackle this...and we have before...but not without having to compensate for some of our lack of technical expertise. For example, never build a frame without having an idea what size your doors are going to be, resulting in a day of argument on whether to cut down larger doors or build out your not-so-square frame....but I digress.

For the last 3 days Jay has been 100% focused on this and everything else takes a backseat. If I stop to say good morning to my dog....he shouts from the hallway to ask what the hell I'm doing. If I take a second to go to the bathroom...he shouts to ask what the hell I'm doing AND  to remind me for the millionth time that we "don't have alot of time to get this project done!" If I remark that its lunch time, he looks at me as if I had just called him the worst name you can imagine. Everytime is work time and you can blog when your dead.

I know Jay appreciates a point...but what he doesn't often appreciate about himself, is just how much he needs work for his psychological equalibrium. Most A-type personalities are intense people with a remarkable drive and often egos to match. While Jay doesn't tend toward the ego mania end of the spectrum he definitely has the ability to deal with those guys. He even enjoys it. He loves to talk and an argument that sends me running from the room in utter discomfort is only more fuel for his fire. If I could describe Jay as personality type...I would make the "A" bigger than this computers font would allow. I, myself, am somewhere much further down the alphabet...on what Jay would call "the lazy side".

I sure you all know someone like this. Hell, I may even be describing you.

You may be an A-type personality if ....seeing your partner or spouse cleaning/improving the house illicits warm and fuzzy  love feelings or even erotic response. Thats an A-type for you, working turns them on.....If you are unable to relax if you feel there are outstanding projects that must be done NOW, you may be an A-type....if you base your opinions of people off how good a worker they are or plan everything in your life at least one year ahead...if not further, you may be an A-type. If your idea of good conversation involves may be an A-type....Heaven help us all....

Being born Virgo...Jay has all these traits in spades. He plans, books, and finances all family vacations at year in advance. Now, I admit that I would not have seen some of the awsome places we have been to together were it not for Jays tendency to decide on, commit to, and plan something within an inch of its life...sometimes years in advance of the actual event. However, it can be funny and exasperating when He's discussing vacation plans two years down the road when any number of variables can change by taking in additional children for example.

Where I am o.k. reading a book on a rainy day...Jay is frustated and restless because  we can't drywall. and that same drywall project will stare at him all day if mocking him. I admit that he makes stuff happen that I would hestitate on. Also, he can giddily have that argument that sends me screaming up the walls, which is handy in dealing with some people. We are usually on the opposite end of any temperment spectrum you can dig up and his ability to do these things can frustrate/enrage me at the same time that I admire him for being that way. Which is why we will probably be that gay couple you saw arguing in the middle of a Home Depot.

Movement is another feature of an type-A personality. Everything must involve action in someway. Alot of people with this personality feature are uncomfortable with stillness, which is a something that is essential to most of us to recenter and ground ourselves when our ambition exceeds our grasp. Or when our lives become so agitated we can not see the path ahead clearly anymore. Where angels fear to tread...a type-A, like Jay, already paved a road and built a Starbucks, and is waiting for roll out of bed because he got up at the litteral "crack" of dawn, with coffee in hand.....After all, you can't work without your mucho-mega-grande, family size bucket of caffeine.

But as insane as I sometimes regard him, when it seems the basics of eating, get a back seat to some work related obsession, I also know something else. After we have argued for the umpteenth time over some element of the project that neither one of us knows how to do...After the dust has settled....both of us will stand back and say to ourselves, " Wow...We did that?" The sense of accomplishement will make it worth it, even though I really do have to restrain myself from strangling him sometimes when he tells me I take to long to do things. I know that this part of him that drives me insane is also a part of him I love because its unique to him and because we can make beautifull things together that we couldn't do alone....whether its a cabinet, a bathroom remodel, or a life. I will be the voice of caution for his being the bull in my china shop.

I hope this project is done soon so that life can resume its regular(already chaotic) pace. Until then...for me. Because I can't....find some time to do absolutely nothing for no good reason and have a blast doing it. Somewhere an A-type personality will be screaming in frustration.


  1. I pegged Jay type A from the very first video I watched. LOL!!! Hang in there Bryan!!

    To Jay, an amazing go getter like yourself also needs to remember to stop for a moment and relax. Breathe, take in your surroundings and the beauty of life. If you don't you will miss so much and also it's bad for your health.

    Much love to all of you!!!

  2. Measure twice, cut once. All I'm sayin'

  3. Bryan:
    Thanks for the much needed laugh. I do admire the courage to tackle this project now, with the "little ones" home and underfoot all day. I would venture to guess this was Jay's idea, not yours, and when Jay says "we're going to tackle it", I don't think you have much choice! I am sure when this entire project is done, the new and improved master bath will be well worth it, not too sure about the timing, though.

    Amazing, how you both work through Jay's Type A personality - are these projects you work on when Jay is off, but, actually, guess to Jay, it doesn't really matter.

    Hang in there, Love and peace to all,

  4. Um I think this may be me. I got so annoyed with Jake drinking a cup of tea when we were doing our kitchen that I threw the kettle away.

    We still don't have one and he has to boil water in a pan.

  5. How many more times did you guys yell after I left? Hehe!

    A good read as usual!

  6. Ok craig is crazy.
    And I´m the Lazy one. <3

  7. Jay and I have a lot in common. In our going on
    21yrs together ( I "Max" am a Jay and "JR" is a Bryan ). That is okay because opposites do attract. However, I am letting you know Bryan,
    As I was told recently....Jay will have to slow down eventually or it will cause him health problems in future. One's body can not keep up as one gets older - AS - it did when Jay was younger. Him being an A type also causes stress (worrying when things are NOT going to his "right way".
    I know it can be frustrating for you Bryan but
    just remember as I do every day ***it takes both of you to make your team work & with both of you - You would not be the team you ARE!
    We think the world of you both and send big
    HUGS from Missouri to YOU BOTH....
    Max & JR

  8. I want my kettle back, and yes Craig, you are an A type but I still love you. grrrrrrrrrr

  9. I seem to embody the worst aspects of both - the laziness and the stress! May God have mercy on whichever poor fool lands me, haha.

  10. You guys know that Ikea makes these cool looking closet storage unit thingys, right? No need for home destruction.. saws.. hammers.. or lumber..

  11. YOU built all those things in your house? Holy Crap. Over here no one would do that themselves, they'd hire someone! That's truly amazing.

  12. ...awww...thanks Max and JR! Thats a great compliment!

    @ jerome...we only have about one big blow out per day during a project. you were just unlucky enough to be present for

    @ vlogasaurusflex.....we originally thought of retrofiting a couple of Ikea cabinets into our space but they didn't have anything that worked :(

    @matias...we do alot..just not plumbing or electrical...I draw the line there so we hire that out.

  13. @goblin...if you put a ring on that boys finger you can at least get him a kettle to go with it.

    @Tavdy...Don't call it laziness Tav. Call it introspection and you appear to others to be ever full of deep thoughts when in fact you are sleeping with your eyes open. :D

  14. LOL Is it possible to be a part time Typ A? LOL
    I swear when im not doing junky mood wise I'm much more typ A lol, but the moment I get in over my head and the wheels come off then everything comes grinding to a halt, and its time to move onto something else that I can go go go on lol. Which is why keeping things clean is never my strong point, after all when I'm crappy I don't clean, then when I do I get so many things going at once I get in over my head that I just jump to something else altogether part way threw power threw that project.
    Its the same at work I get so totally frustrated when Things take to long or others work to slow! I just want to give them a kick in the pants and tell them to put their but in gear.

    The when in doing junky I don't dang about it at all, and could care less about getting anything done let alone how fast or how much work any one else gets done. lol

  15. Hi Bryan!
    Your post was really interesting to read because I totally relate to what you are saying because my boyfriend is exactly the same way as Jay, TYPE A PERSONALITY. Oh Bryan are we ever so lucky haha. It can be really hard sometimes...but well that is who they are and we cant really change them to be any different (Damn it! j/k)
    So yeah, you are not alone in your "suffering"...there's plenty of us who know your pain. I just find it fascinating how two people can be so different yet they can fall for one another, idk its the whole "opposites attract" thing that is so weird to understand LOL. Im pretty sure me and you and others who feel the same way, would say that our partners complete us and we complete them :D (which is soooo romantic!)
    Anyways, I think that what matters most is that even though they can get on our nerves sometimes, in the end we still love them and care for them no matter what! And the same goes the other way around (well they better!! Ha! j/k) Im just glad you are pulling through...with a little time and patience (lots of it) you will be done in no time! :) YAY!
    Best of luck Bryan!! You can do it!!

  16. This was such a funny post, Bryan! My favorite part:

    Where angels fear to tread...a type-A, like Jay, already paved a road and built a Starbucks, and is waiting for roll out of bed because he got up at the literal "crack" of dawn, with coffee in hand.....After all, you can't work without your mucho-mega-grande, family size bucket of caffeine.

    I'm definitely not a type-A personality, but I wouldn't say that I am on the total opposite end of the spectrum either. Good luck with everything!

    -matt (talentguynyc)

  17. SBG(SharinByakuGan)April 13, 2010 at 7:46 PM

    Hahaha this blog was soo hilarious, I have met a few A-types in my life and most do share the same traits. I remember when I took that test in junior year high school I was definitely the C-Type XD, but I was honestly laughing reading this =]

  18. I am a modified Type A myself. But couple that with growing up in an Italian American household and it gets tempered somewhat.

    Yes, if a person or project turns up on what I call my Special Projects list (From: No Country for Old Men) my attention pretty much focuses on that to it's next logical step.

    Matter of fact did one today. Actually filed criminal charges against my blog harasser.

  19. that was funny. I really enjoyed it. Well it's doesn't matter as long both of you loving each other. at the end you can see the result. like the quote " we did this ? "

  20. LOL. I just found your videos and blogs, so this is totally late. I am sure you won't mind since you are not a type A person. ;-)

    It's been three months since you started the closet project so I am sure you've finished it and moved on to expanding the master bedroom.

    My only advice for dealing with type A people is simple...always ask them to spell out their plan BEFORE you take action. This will give you time to catch up to them, AND more importantly, avoid those awkward moments when you are confronted with a non-square frame in need of right-sized doors. ;-)

    Honestly, Bryan, having watched Jay's Father's Day video, I totally agree with him. You are awesome. You remind me of the passage in your wedding... Love is patient, love is kind. You guys make a perfect couple.

    I hope Jay makes more video and you find more time to write your blog. Together you give meaning to gay family values. Thank you.