Why Is It Still OK To Demean Gay People?

Todays blog can be thought of as an extension of last weeks in which I talk about how many in religion have made LGBT people into their chief enemy....abandoning all pretense at love or the message of Jesus to espouse a political viewpoint in "the culture wars". This week picks up the topic again with Pastor David James Manning of the YouTube channel ATLAHworldwide.

Earlier this month Pastor Manning produced a video called "Age Matters All The Time" in which Pastor Manning attempted to make the point that anyone below the age of thirty was not mature enough to vote. For an example of this Pastor Manning used my son Daniels video letter to Chief Justice John Roberts, using his image and his full name to accuse my husband Jay and myself of being child molesters and child rapists for allowing our son to not only understand the issue of same-sex marriage...but to allow him to voice his opinion about a topic that directly effects his family.

Now, that video was up for several days before ultimately being flagged and pulled from YouTube to be reviewed for inappropriate content. It was at this point that Pastor Manning made a video in which he attempted to reframe his video as not attacking our family and calling us child molestors...but simply one in which he was trying to talk about how age matters in political discourse...a complete falsehood.

However, due to complaints from Mannings viewers, Youtube put his video back up....disgusting accusations and all. We were completely flummoxed that a human being at YouTube actually watched that video and then re-approved it. Yet as angry as we were, we had resigned ourselves that there was nothing much we could do about it....until the popular political blog AmericaBlog picked up the story and highlighted the advertisers who were having their products linked to Pastor Mannings message.....prompting YouTube to immediately yank the video again and finally acknowledge that it  violates its own posted community guidelines for hate speech.

The entire Journey we have been through with Manning has highlighted for me that not only do certain religious people see the gay community as the ultimate evil...but also that it still seems to be ok to express such insulting comments as Pastor Manning made as long as the target of those comments are gay people. Read on after the jump to watch the videos and to find an answer to why it's till ok to debate and talk about gay lives in a way that it would be considered unacceptable if the subject was another race, religion, or women...

Never Hide...What Four Years of YouTube and Fighting Prop 8 Has Taught Us

"Hello YouTube!".....thats a phrase has been uttered by my family about 345 times over four years. That is exactly how long we have been doing YouTube videos and here we are nearly four years, on the cusp of what could be a landmark Supreme Court decision regarding Prop 8...and we are still making videos. I remember being so angry during the Prop 8 campaign as commercial after commercial on TV told blatant lies about my family and my life. I couldn't believe that stuff like that was even allowed to air on television. The more I saw, the more the polls would teeter on a knifes edge and all we could do was watch as others endlessly talked about my family and my personal rights as if they were things....not the lives of real human beings seeking the same happiness as anyone else.

As those who opposed marriage equality continued to lie and fear monger, I kept hoping and waiting for the commercials to air that would set the record straight. Were were the guys who were going to call out the liars? Where was the compassion, empathy...or better yet, the truth? As our side showed living room conversations with the parents of gay people...and straight celebrities...the question ultimately became, why are they not showing us, as gay people, telling our own stories? Those commercials never came. It was our anger, and frustration with that that led us to one poorly filmed video over a dinner of chicken nuggets that has launched us onto this journey of trying to show what a gay family is...and is not.

I'd like to say that four years later, our side has taken a few notes from the failures of the Prop 8 campaign, but sadly, that doesn't seem to be the case as pro equality organisations are repeating the mistakes of the past for fear of offending people.

 But I think Britney can say it better than me. Take it away girl....

Big Gay Vacation 2011 Roundup

Welcome back everyone...another "Big Gay Vacation" has come and gone and now its time for me to get back to the real world. I am truly sad it is over because I have had to say goodbye to ten people that I grew very close to over the course of our time together. Along with our family, we were joined by...Gary and his boyfriend Clyde, Sameer and Reid, Scott, Stephen, Jerome, Ryan, Quincey, and our good friend Wolfy. Our time may have been short, but...we made the very best of the time we had.

The river home we rented for the princely sum of $6000 for the week consisted of a two bedroom main home, a detached one bedroom granny unit, and a two bedroom duplex. The grounds had a hot tub (That we made very good use of), a volley ball court, as well as a fantastic wooded property that felt like you were in your own secluded estate. There were mature trees loaded with summer plums and in the evening the setting sun turned all the leaves golden as the swayed in a gentle summer breeze. Additionally it came with easy access to the river for swimming, canoeing, and Kayaking...all things we did a great deal of in our time at the river.

I am not trying to function as free advertising for the property, but to describe a place that will forever live in my memories as a sanctuary from the world. Even though the property may have idyllic and serene...we were often anything but. Allow me to tell you a few of my fonder memories from the "big Gay Vacation house"....

I Love Being Gay

Hello again dear readers. A few of you may know that I have become involved in a new vlogging collab channel with four other youtubers who's work I both respect and enjoy. Together with Dan (explorationB), Blair (Dirblair), Josh (joshrimer), and Paul(gaycomicgeek), we have combined our talents and differing perspectives to create one super powered channel called....wait for it....A Gay Collab! Yup, I know...it's catchy. This project is a huge departure from anything Jay and I have done in Gay Family Values. Here, we get to be a little more fun and perhaps a little more adult than may be appropriate for our family oriented channel. So far, I have made two videos for the collab and had great fun doing it. The only down side is that I only get four minutes to get my point across and anyone who has ever read this blog knows that I can't even say "hello" in under a 100 words. Additionally some topics are so multifaceted that I often don't get to say some very important things.

This weeks viewer question hit one of those very topics. We were asked if "there was any person or incident in our lives that helped us love being gay and/or what would be the biggest loss to your life if you were forced to be strait?"...a good question and one that takes the notion of self acceptance one step further. It's a topic that I have often thought about but never discussed online before. Yet...when I was thinking about making my video response to the topic I found that I couldn't fit it all into a two minute blurb. Did I love being gay?.....Hell yes!...but why?

The A-List New York..Stereotypes And Self Hate

Oh stereotypes...they never end. It seems that we can't get enough of stuffing our fellow human beings into little boxes in order to make our world seem under control.

This week, Jay uploaded a video to YouTube in which he gives his view on the LOGO channels "The A-List". In it he also takes LOGO to task for reinforcing a host of negative gay stereotypes...full stop...let the flame war commence....

It's difficult to address the nature of a stereotype without stepping on the realities of someones Else's life and thus inciting a host of angry reactions. What may be gay cliche for one person...loving dance music for instance, may be part and parcel of another persons life. Like me! I love a good house track and yet the second I admit that the person I'm talking too will usually roll their eyes and mentally add a few points to my "gayometer" score....see my point? Heaven forbid I cry at a movie...If I even get red around the eyeballs I feel like I have to sneak out the back door or be instantly outed. Now, did I stereotype myself in these situations by just being me...or is it in the judgement of others that a stereotype resides? And where exactly does self acceptance fit in to all of this?

The topic strikes a nerve in us all and usually ends up with someone feeling as if they have been judges and excluded for something integral to themselves. There are insults thrown and blame handed down by homophobes to gays...by "straight acting" gays to feminine gays...by "non-assimilationist" gays to marriage minded gays. The list of the slighted goes on and on...I got my fire/cat claw proof vest on, so that means...oh yes..lets go there.

Video below the fold:

Separate Is Never Equal

Sean Chapin has done it again with a great video highlighting the unequal status of of civil unions...and virtually anything that is separate from fully recognized marriage. Check it out...



I know there are those who do not approve of this analogy, but I still think it holds true. My only question is, did he find a fountain that sprays backwards(probably not hard) or did he "modify" one? Either way, thanks Sean...

Visit Youtube to see more of Sean Chapin here.

...Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly Fond Of Each Other....

Hey!...Its Independence Day here in the states!...Which means most of us are totally absorbed in holiday activities.....including us...but I wanted to throw a little authentic American Lols your way in the form of this really awsome gem from Willy Nelson I discovered through Wicked Gay Blog. Enjoy!

The Exodus From Exodus

Exodus International holds out the promise that anyone experiencing same-sex attractions can find a way out of homosexuality into the glorious world of heterosexuality, where milk and honey flow freely down streets of gold. They use a combination of faith and quack science in order to convince those conflicted over their sexuality that change is possible.

The problem....

Their claim is complete crap and does not work. While some people are able to deny their sexuality for a number of years...which exodus will be quick to tout as a success story....still others find the emotional pain to much to bear and  leave the program and their faith behind. Still others lose all hope that they will be o.k. and chose to end their lives. The damage that ex-gay programs do to their members is incalculable yet they continue to operate despite evidence of the harm they cause. How much will it take before they are completely discredited to the extent that no one will seek out their services? How about one of the founders of Exodus who, having fought his own sexuality through exodus, has come out to say that the program doesn't work....at all....not even a tiny little bit. Michael Bussee, one of Exodus co-founders, is attempting to set the record straight regarding the organization and the harm it can do....including the fact that the program never helped even its original founders...Michaels words after the jump.

Small Voices

Hello everyone,

My blogging is sporadic lately which is giving me all kinds of blogger guilt. I have to say though, we've entered another lame news cycle of talking heads nattering on about why a DADT repeal is likely and the anti-gay activists going on and on about how ENDA will let men into the womens bathroom...yada yada yada. Not much that makes my ears perk up as if something of interest was actually happening....except this...



His voice is small...but soul is large. He's got more courage than the whole of congress...thats why he's my hero.

Is The World Changing?

Yesterday this blog had the honor of hosting a video of one young boy who all gave us hope for the world. I wish that feeling could have stayed for more than 24 hours...sadly, the realities of the world come crashing back to remind us that while hope exists...so does tragedy and that their are those out there who still need our help. That help may take many forms...as with the earthquakes in Haiti and Chile, blankets. food, and medicine were real ways that we could reach out and make a difference. And sometimes ...the only way we can help someone is to bear witness to what happened and let the world know that we are watching. Such is the case with the video of a Saudi man who was videotaped, dressed up in a police uniform and pretending to be an effeminate police officer pulling over a motorist. He then proceeded to imply to the pretend motorist (and camera man) that he could escape his situation by offering "comfort" he then bared his chest and fondled himself to music. Well....Youtube being what it is, the video went viral and got back into the hands of  Saudi authorities. Both men have since been arrested. Watch the video and read on below the fold.

Unless Ye Become As Little Children

How do kids really handle the idea of two men or two women who love each other? Take a gander...



This video was filmed by John Hill and Micah Schraft on a flip phone.. of all things..the day after Thanksgiving. Thats when Calen, who I would guess to be 6 or 7ish, decided to ask a very frank question about their relationship. You can plainly see that he wasn't used to the idea of two men being in love and getting married...it seemed to blow his mind for a second or two. Then he moved on to more important matters...like ping pong.

Telling Daniel and Selena was just as anti-climactic. If only the rest of the world could be that way...

Labels...Who Decides Whats Not O.K.?

How important are the words we use to describe ourselves?

Recently, Erik... a wonderfull young Youtuber who goes by the name "straightactinggayguy" was feartured on Queerty in a video discussing how difficult it is to find a date when you live in the midwest...your fresh out of the closet...and you don't have contact with other gay people. Sounds innocent enough right?...I thought so at least. What actually happened incited a comment flamefest because of what Erik's screenname implies. The interesting thing that came from all this was how important the labels we apply to ourselves, and others, can be.

Anita Bryant Version 2.0

Remember this? Many readers may, but still more, like me, were simply to young at time to know Anita Bryant. At the time, she was THE spokesperson for religious intolerance...kind of like Maggie Gallagher and Carrie Prejean all rolled into one. Ms. Bryant practiced the same tactics that are still being used against us today. Notice the way she automatically feigns taking the high road in order to appear the victim of a "vicious homosexual", allowing the man to stay to witness their obvious moral superiority. The look that man shot Anita as she prayed spoke volumes more about the terrible impact her words had on the lives of gay men and women than a million angry blogposts could ever communicate. That man stayed, not out of shame for his actions, but to let her know that he was not intimidated by her pretense of holiness.

How far we have come since then, right?...well....

Not So Smart Advertising And Common Adsense

The struggle for Marriage Equality has never been a straight forward fight...sometimes people fight dirty and we've seen abundant instances of where the "Yes On 1" campaign is willing to lie to achieve its goals. But lately, some of those dirty tactics have turned up on the our YouTube page. I'm sure all of you are familiar with this ad by now:



Yes ..their story is shocking in that it took NPR's original story, dismantled it, and reassembled it into something they could use to inspire more homo hysteria. Its also shocking that they are willing to use children as intellectual human shields...but that's not the issue here.

This Is What America Means...A Must See

O.K....wiping the tears out of my eyes now...bear with me...

Where The Rubber Meets The Road

Every once in a while we get a Youtube comment that puts me in check...

Jay and I get really involved in the struggle for marriage equality and all the rancor that comes with that ...as well as the overwhelming positives. But then a comment like this one from Serbia comes along...