Saturday, July 17, 2010

Take A Sip!

Jay took me out on a "date night" last night. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, most of us parental types dont have the ability to just get in the car and spend a night out with our loved one, so these things must be scheduled.....and usually happen nowhere as often as you need them.

For our night out Jay and I went to see Sex and the City 2 which had recieved horrible reviews...but we loved the series, so we gave it a shot. I have to say, that on the whole, I enjoyed the movie....but never so much as this scene between Charlotte and Miranda discussing the pressure of being a mother. Yes I know....I am NOT a mother...but...I am a stay at home parent and I get the feelings these ladies expressed while commiserating over cocktails. I laughed so hard I nearly passed out. All I could think of while watching was,...." Wheres my sip?!"... so get your drinks handy and pull up to the bar. You don't have to be a woman...or a parent to join. Just have a good ear and a stiff the clip after the fold....

(Take a sip!)

Sometimes being in the home all day can make you feel very isolated. Like everything is happening "out there" in the world and its all passing you buy. Its one of the reasons I blog actually. Putting my thoughts out into the electronic ether and hearing back is a way of keeping connections that I dearly need somedays and especially when Jay is away at work. Nowhere does the feeling of isolation and overwhelm hit me as hard as when I am cooking dinner. Usually,  kids will be running every direction, my oldest querrying me about whats going to be IN dinner, and the baby cries because she hungry, tired, or simply will not accept anything less than being held. Those are usually the times when I want to pull a Charlotte and lock myself in a pantry.  After dinner, clean up, daiper changes, forced trips to the "potty chair" for the two and half year old, putting on pajamas and getting everyone in bed....sometimes theres just nothing left. I sit down on my living room couch intending just to sit for  minute then go do something fun...just to wake up two hours later still on the couch.


I also understand Charlottes guilt about having those feelings. We set out to be parents because we WANT to be parents. Here we have these wonderfull kids in our lives and somedays all you can think about is escape. I think thats a feeling natural to all parents, at one point or another. I love my kids...I am profoundly gratefull for them and proud of them....but somedays it can all be too much. Dads and Moms are on duty 24/7, no matter what else is going on. That usually means that if I'm somthing important that cant be interrupted then the two year old will need wiping...the 4 and 5 year olds will be fighting...the baby will need changing...and my ten year old will be ignoring it all. And the longer it goes ignored..the worse it gets....much like Charlotte talking on the phone while her daughte spilled paint, that Charlotte could not deal with while she was cooking and on the phone...which lead to her daughter putting red handprints on the butt of her vintage jeans to get her moms attention....and Charlottes eventual meltdown in the pantry. I so get it..


We get through it...kid are not this small forever and all too quickly they are shocking you with how crown they are...but intill one is going to give you a time out, thats something you need take for yourself and something we rarely take advantage of. I know that I never understand just how much I need time out from parenting until someone forces me taking a date night. Then I remember that there is more to me then being a parent. If not for date nights or time away I would not remember those parts of myself....I love being a Dad...but it is not all of who I am....and there is nothing wrong in remembering that.


for a while I felt like I had a place at the bar with these two. I felt my experience mirrored in Charlottes and couldn't help but love her a little more. I have always wanted to have a little of Samantha's uninhibited nature...but secretly knew I had more in common with Charlotte...this movie just confirmed it. I guess the best lesson to take from this is not to be ashamed of your feelings, they do not reflect how much you actually love or appreciate your family...they are just feelings, and like the days when things are chaotic and you don't think you can will...and they will pass.

But with my final sip I offer my thanks for everyone who takes this ride with me and listens to my crazy rantings. Thanks for giving me your ear...and thanks to my husband who has always been my greatest confidant and the best friend I could have hoped for. (cheers!)


  1. Good on you for bringing up all those kids. I realized not to long ago that I really don't have a parental bone in my body.

    I value my sleep too much.

  2. Yay! Glad you had fun out in the world.

  3. Great Job on that. You are doing Awesome Job!!!

  4. I actually thought about you when I saw that scene. One of the videos where Jay detailed your situation and your face just sort of collapsed and you let out a defeated sigh. Hang in there. You are doing such good. When you feel overwhelmed, watch Jay's Fathers Day video again. Blessed Be.

  5. That's an awesome post...honest and heart-felt and insightful. "Don't be ashamed of our feelings." It's what we do with our feelings that define who we are, and you are one terrific human being, and a great Dad, like Jay's Father's Day video says.

    I can't imagine taking care of two small children, much less five! How do you do it?! I am glad you had a great date night. The love you have with each other needs tender loving care, too.

    And when you have a Charlotte moment, you know that it will pass. But don't take a sip. LOL. Come blog instead.

  6. PS that's a great video you's rare that you can have a moment alone so thank you for spending that moment with strangers.

    I don't think you are "frumpy" LOL. You look grrrrreat! Nice glasses, too. But have you thought of taking Daniel and the older kids to play soccer or some activities that will help you feel less frumpy, even though you are not, and also help them burn off some energy, so you can get more peace and quiet? Even a walk around the block will help on a crazy day. Oh, wait, you will need a stroller for the baby, and someone to hold the little ones' hands. "I can't do without the nanny!" LOL Big hugs, Bryan. Like you said, this will pass.
    And, at risk of being shot at by Jay, I think you are one of the sexiest daddies in the world.

  7. I definitely see you as a Charlotte. Samantha? Not so much LOL. Seriously though, I know what you mean. Obviously you're a complex person and have different sides to yourself so I'm sure you have some of Samantha's side to you. But yeah, if I had to pick only 1 of the girls to best describe you, you seem like a total Charlotte to me. If I absolutely had to pick only 1 of them to describe me, I'd be a Charlotte too lol.

    Interesting to hear the insights of a stay at home dad. I've definitely thought about how busy and crazy it'd be, but I didn't really imagine any isolation moments like you were describing. I'm glad you shared your thoughts with us. Hopes it helps you deal with all the kid craziness. When you first said you were taking care of extended family's kids I was like oh goodness, cuz I instantly imagined how that would multiply your work and anxiety level.

  8. Cheers to that Bryan.

    Although I am slightly disgusted you went to see that horrific film. I blame Jay.

  9. yeah... you and your "its daddy time" comment. thank you and blessed be. though you may feel it YANA.