Friday, November 13, 2009

Ask A Gay Family 7

Finally!...Its Back!! The next episode of "Ask A Gay Family" is here! This week, in Episode 7, we cover Bi Canadians...well, not exactly....

This weeks first question came from YouTube user Bilong92 and she asks:

Have you ever considered moving to Canada?...and if you did, would you feel like you were outside of the struggle for gay rights, looking in?

Yes we have. We thought about it during California's first failed bid for marriage equality...Prop 22. this was way before we considered bringing children into our lives. I had some deep misgivings about the whole idea but I could see which way the wind was blowing. Jay looked into it and discovered that they have a point system to qualify for citizenship. I was shocked to learn that we got points for my last name but Jay got no credit for being in law enforcement. I thought he would be in high demand. I guess Canada is a utopia and doesn't have to worry about crime.

To clarify my point of view on this, I was raised to believe in the values that our country is SUPPOSED to stand for. My dad was a vet and had pretty clear feelings about this. To leave the country of my birth feels like a betrayal of all it stood for(yes, I used the past tense here). If all the gay people in the world DID decide to move to an would be an awesome island...but the rest of the world would suck.

I have said that if the Supreme Court sanctions discrimination against gays, that it would change the game for me and that I would consider immigration. I'm not sure that I am being 100% true to myself when I say this. I would miss the green hills of my home and the way the setting sun casts golden light on the vineyards...*sigh*

I wonder what my ancestors, the Huguenots, who fled France because of religious persecutions would think of the irony of this. Or any of the other of my antecedents who came here for the chance of a better life....we can't keep running somewhere else.

How do we change the world we live in if we put ourselves in ghettos? I don't see the positive in that. I want to see my country overcome this. I want to know that every time I stood up for the Pledge Of Allegiance, it meant something.

Jay has a little different view than I do but then, he has always wanted to move somewhere else when he retires...perhaps for him it is just another adventure. For me it feels like leaving home...

The answer to the second part of this question is no, we wouldn't feel outside of the fight...even if we had to put up a pirate website from our secret underground Canadian base in the tundra. Though I really hate the cold.

As of now, Jay and I, along with many other gay couples in California, are legally married. That already puts us in a similar position than if we had moved to Canada. We could stop and enjoy our life as legally married citizens...but we know better. We know it doesn't stop with us and that if we don't do something to help others in this country and in the world achieve those same rights...we don't deserve to have the ones we have. We have not yet reached full equality. If we sit idle, NOM and their sister groups will continue to roll back gay rights until they can burn our marriage license and put us back in the shadows.

Our second question came from YouTube user, alifeinthelens:

What are your views on bisexuality?

This was a fun one to answer but entirely too easy. Both Jay and I think that sexuality is more like a continuum and that most people are scattered somewhere along the line between the extremes of, 100% heterosexual and 100% homosexual...and there are even a few options beyond those two poles. I believe our sexuality IS hardwired into our brains. You are what you are, where ever that puts you on the sexuality spectrum. So..the conclusion is, that Bisexuality is absolutely real and the reason for the "B" in "LGBTQI"(Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgendered, Questioning, Inter sexed) but man, is that an awkward acronym to use. It doesn't sound good anywhere.

My contribution to this discussion was to point out that many of us as "LGBTQI" peoples use the claim of bisexuality as a way to become comfortable with the idea of being gay. In this instance it is like swimming in the shallow end of the pool until you are a strong enough to swim in the deep end. I did this for a few months until I realised that I was only fooling myself. That's part of the process of coming out and self acceptance is rarely automatic.

Well dear readers, that wraps up this episode of "Ask A Gay Family". If anyone has questions for us, we always give priority to questions posted as a video response to the most recent episode of "Ask A Gay Family". You can also send us your questions at and go to the "contact us" tab.

But for now let me leave you with a little Maple flavored goodness in the form of the full "Canadian Please" video by gunnarolla...Cya later eh.


  1. I have thought it is ironic for while that a county founded by people escaping religious persecution ended up the most religious western country.

    When there is some news report about American religious excess in the media over here people often say that it is ironic that in the USA where there is separation of church and state religion matters so much in politics and over here where the church is officially part of the state if a politician even mentions god he can kiss his mainsteam appeal goodbye.

  2. Well, I have to say i´m than a reader than a watcher, som I´m glad you did the round uo of the episode ( althoug I already saw it)

    Canada is awesome most americans don´t recognize it, but Canada is almost utopian in some ways.

  3. "If all the gay people in the world DID decide to move to an would be an awesome island...but the rest of the world would suck."

    It might well be an awesome island - but it would also be a very crowded one! Based on the UK Gov's estimate for the LGBT population (6%) we're a community of around 400 million world-wide; the second largest island (Greenland being the largest) is New Guinea which, with a population of 410 million, would have a population density higher than New Jersey.

  4. Awesome Island...
    OK, let's see...
    Approximately 10% of the world's population is gay... so, it's about 700 million people, which is twice more than in the United States. So, we can safely assume, that it would be a very big island, more like a continent, with lots of different awesome and fabulous territories... So, we could say that it would be the United States of Awesomeness (qUSA, queerUSA — you know, to distinguish from USAmerica). But it won't be a republic, noooo, it would be a constitutional monarchy, because the head of state would be... drums... of course, the Queen (a gay-man-"queen", obviously). And every gay-itizen of the qUSA, while approaching any member of the royal family, would have to address them starting with "Your Gayness." Huffington, DC, would be the capital city, and the New Yay City would be the biggest port and the most fabulous city in the qUSA. Movies would be made in Unholywood, MS (yes, it's short for the great Movie State), near Los Guapos-Amigos (same state). Greatest Casinos would be in Vegas, Baby (yes, it's a great Baby State, BB for short references). And since we would have our own Queen, we won't need to elect Presidents and suchlike, instead we would vote with markers of all 6 colors for the best dancers, actors, actresses, biggest losers and greatest impersonators of last century divas.
    The Happy End.

    Sorry for that. I just can't talk about gay rights anymore after these 2 weeks. :) Sick & tired. Need a funny break.
    Gone to read the rest of the article.

  5. @K!r!lleXXI
    o.k...we know that the "queen" would only be a figure head because the lesbians would totally run government. Thats the only way to get anything done.

    Thank you for that funfact sir. I shall file it where I keep my secret plans for world domination...never hurts to know the square footage of the island your shopping for.

  6. Apparently, my estimations were wrong. I didn't see Tavdy's comment. Guess, he knows better in which percentile we managed to land.

    Bryan, thanks for posting the song! I didn't really pay too much attention to it in your AAGF7 video, but now that I watched the full version... it's awesome! I hereby suggest it for the national anthem of the United States of Awesomeness. And I don't care that it's about Canada ;O)

    And yes, Queen would be just like in the UK — for awesomeness. That's why I mentioned "constitutional monarchy" :)

  7. @ Bryan, I nominate Pam Spaulding for Empress; it's the only way she'd out-rank the 200-million Queens she'd be ruling. Which might be more than a little like trying to corral kittens. Selena would still be a princess, of course ;-)

  8. OMG! I feel ashamed that we Canadians use a point system of some kind to determine if people are permitted to enter Canada. How, low class can one get?

    Still, the current gov't in power are the Conservatives, which is the same as the Republicans. The simple fact that you are gay would have given you -1000 points in the point system.

    How about this: If you need to move to Canada, I will divorce my husband so that each of us can marry one of you. You will then both be citizens. We can then divorce again, and re-marry our current partners. I get dibs on Jay. (I'm just as nerdy as him and into all the sci-fi stuff althought, shhh, I'm in the closet about that part of my life.)

    It could work, eh?

  9. @SwAmPeX

    I win a lot but not always, that is why I specifically complained to Bryan about his irregular posting times. How am I supposed to beat you every single day if I don't know the exact time to check for a new post.

    Every time I beat you to first post I like to think it makes you die a little bit in side :D


  10. @SwAmPeX

    If I dump my boyfriend will you move in with me? Then we can tag team the blog comments. Plus you are probably hot.

    Only problem is that you have to be willing to pay half the mortgage.....

  11. jake is so going to murder you with a large kitchen knife in your sleep....

  12. Well if doma no longer exist I would do it, I want to move up there anyways XD.

    Hey can Murder you too if you are in to that kinda of stuff XD

  13. Dear Facebook Friends....

    First of all, there is a difference in "emigrating to Canada", or in our dual national case, choosing to live in Canada for nine months or so, and the USA two months or so. At our age and circumstance, these homes are ours for posterity.
    I also appreciate the concept of "endless summer" however, we both missed four seasons when we tried it for two years earlier in our 34 years together, and before our son, adopted from Vietnam in diapers, came into our lives. He is now a seven year old first grader.

    There is one difference. We were married in Canada, and our marriage is recognised in MA, our other home where civil marriage on state level only began. We are legal strangers in the eyes of the federal US government. Ditto California.

    In Canada,we were province only for two years and then since then, nationally recognised as a married couple.

    DOMA makes a huge difference.