Thursday, November 5, 2009

Rise Together

Is this how YOU feel right now?...I know it has been for us lately. I see so many people working so hard to help advance the cause of gay rights, from those who gave of their time to work phonebanks or stump door to door, to those who used whatever means the web can offer. So many of us poured our hearts and souls into California's prop 8 fight and the recent fights in Maine, Washington, and Kalamazoo. To face defeat in Maine has left me feeling like horrible sense of deja vu and like a light is going out in the world.

But now that the dust has settled everyone is looking for someone to blame. Some place that blame on the religious, others on soccer moms, HRC, And..most appropriately, our President. However, the most concerning finger pointing is directed right at us, the gay community.

All of us are sad/angry/disappointed/outraged....and maybe feeling a little soul weariness at having to fight again and again, not only against hatred and bigotry...but also to encourage others to help out in the fight. Yesterday Jay and I made a flurry of videos in our hightly emotionaly charged state. In those videos we took a few people to task for there total invisibility In ANY of the gay rights battles that have taken place across the nation.

Leaving DaveyWavey out of this, One of the individuals we called out was Ellen Degeneres, not as THE example but as just ONE example of celebrities and politicians who did NOTHING to help in Maine. The full video can be found on YouTube. We know we are not the only people to point this situation out. And to those who DON'T think what happens with marriage equality is a big deal...tell that to these gentlemen.

All of us know finger pointing isn't going to fix Anyone's problems. But if we can't analyze where we failed and speak honestly and truthfully about it then we will be doomed to repeat this heartbreak in state after state. Looking to our own community and wondering why there are those who just don't care unless the election was held at a circuit party is a valid question to ask. And I think Its born out by the comments left on our videos posted on queerty.

Jesus, this isn't going to appeal to anyone. Not the gays and certainly not the conservative right. I'm uncomfortable watching them…and leave Ellen alone, she's done loads!

My answer is...Show Me....My memory is not so short and I remember Ellen did nothing here in California until the eleventh hour. She was completely silent about Maine, Washington, and much good could her talk show have done if she or her producers weren't so afraid of losing the soccer moms? Aren't they the very people who we need to reach out to?!

the fun parade rolls on:

can someone please post a cliff notes version, they weren't shirtless, nor wearing spandex squarecuts, nor dancing to Britney… so it was way too boring to watch. :p

And this from our "King and King" video:

Nice. But I wish it had more f*cking

then the tide of comments began to change...

These comments make me ashamed to be gay. No wonder we aren't respected.

What we need to do is mimic the Washington situation across the country. To be perfectley honest I don't give two shits about the term "marriage". I want the exact same rights and benefits that straight couples are entitled to and enjoy.

Really?...and I suppose you wouldn't mind using that "gays only" water fountain either then. We wouldn't want to contaminate the Straight one.

You can flame away, but MAINE DESERVED TO LOOSE. As did us Californians. The folks in charge keep running these god damn polite, gentle "please don't hurt me" ads while the opposition uses powerful scare tactics. Until my fellow faggots can stand up for themselves, they don't deserve civil liberties. Grow a pair, or shut the fuck up.

why are we no longer rioting? The LGBTQ movement has become a bunch of wimps asking politely for rights. Politeness has NEVER worked

so the tone of our conversation begins to change...I am a big advocate of what we do to others comes back around to us....I don't advocate rioting...that's an incredibly destructive way to handle civil matters...scaring people into doing what you want is nothing other than extortion. but I DO think Its time to take the gloves off and grow a pair as the previous commenter expressed. That's why I did my video, rewriting the Declaration of Independence from a GLBTQ point of view. NOT because we need to succeed from the union but because the same emotions and intentions that drove our founding fathers drives many of us in the gay community today. Its time to rethink our strategies in claiming our rights...not asking...claiming what is already ours by right.

As this poster insightfully points out:

But this is not a majority rules all society. Sometimes, what the majority wants doesn't matter. We have a Constitution and it says that all of us are equal. That's where we need to focus the fight. Like abolishing slavery, this is a fight that will first be won in the Courts and in the street, not at the ballot box. The Constitution exists to protect minorities (yes, we are one) from a tyranny of the majority.

This poster is so right...Reacting to the conservative rights attacks at the ballot box is a losing battle. We need to be addressing the fact that voting on civil rights is basically an unconstitutional action to begin with. By getting caught up in state by state ballot measures we keep dancing to their tune.

So when we are done...blaming Ellen, blaming Barrack Obama, blaming ourselves, we need to lick our wounds and remember what binds us together is stronger than what divides us. I hope that we can all see the importance of standing together..even when our goals may not be identical. For some...enda is the most important goal to achieve...for others it may be California's marriage rebid in 2010. Whatever we are working toward, we need to get off our asses and start acting like a community. It is o.k. to lend support and encouragement to others...even if their fight isn't even in your country. If we can help each other...we all win.

This Is my Theme song for gay rights and gives me the title for this post.I love Samantha James to little bitty glittery pieces...but more importantly, the sentiment rings true...


  1. It was all drama yesterday. And all terrible. Do these anti rights people even realise that they are on the same side of the argument as Adolf Hitler?

    As for telling off other gay people I say go for it. I work with a gay woman who doesn't like people knowing she has a girl friend. She finds it embarrassing.

    When she told me this I told her I found it personally offensive. Was I to be embarrassed as well?

    Gay people who spew shit like "I just don't believe in gay marriage" can shut the fuck up. Being gay doesn't make you immune from being a prejudiced twat.

    Just because they may feel like they could never have a permanent relationship doesn't mean the rest of us can't. Just because you feel deficient in some way don't tar everyone with your own damaged brush.

  2. Ok, I don´t really believe in marriage, why? Is a religion thing, and I´m not. So I´m ok with a equaly, same right giving civil union.
    But Out there there are gay people who wants the marriage, is their fight and it is mine.
    I came out to my friends and they were supportive, but because in the past people Fought for equality, it is my duty to fight like they fought for me.
    Is egotistic (?) not to fight or even not to support something your community needs.
    The ones that say " is not to flashy for me, is not gay pride parade, why should i care?" Need to be remiended that Gay Pride was created for us to march WITH PRIDE, no nude selling sex, thanks to the ones that fought before now they can do that.

  3. @SwAmPeX I disagree with you about marriage being a religous thing. I am anti religious but I beleive in marriage. It is just a word that describes a perminant romantic relationship between two people. Different religions have claimed it as their own but it really isn't.

    Thousands of people get married every year in registry offices because they don't beleive in marriage, but they are straight so they don't have to invent some magic new word for it. More people in the UK get married in civil ceremonies than in religous ones. Should we take the word marriage away from them?

    There are many religions in the world and many cultures. Don't let a few of the louder ones steal a perfectly good word and concept away from you.

  4. Marriage in this country is SUPPOSED to be a civil union since we have separation of church and state. My sister and her husband were married in front of our mayor. A heterosexual couple can go to Las Vegas and get married by an Elvis impersonator and are 100% completely MARRIED!!
    My partner is a psychologist and last year he decided to open up a private practice in Cleveland. In a perfect world he could have gone on my health insurance plan at my job if we were MARRIED! So, we now have to pay an extra $400 a month so he can have health insurance. Fair???? The whole thing just stinks.

  5. I know exactly what you are talking about, I have been pissed the entire campaign for the fact that neither measure should have been on the ballot in the first place. No groups rights should ever be put up to popular vote, as doing so is clearly and unquestionably unconditional. I have a slight bright side being a resident of washington at least we did not lose at the ballot box. Unfortunately I don't find it that bright of a victory that we barely won in achieving a system of separate and inherently unequal, and it equally angers me to see members of the gay community say that is what we should settle for, that we should settle for. I upsets and angers me too that those in the community that are not interested in marriage rights don't feel or see a need to help in the fight to achieve them for those that value them very much. I hate being told by any one that I/we should settle for less then full equality, I was not taught to settle for less then is right. I totally agree that is is past time to stop asking nicely for the big bad voters to not hurt us to not take our rights away, It is time for us to stand up and demand the rights that have always been ours. The most notable of those rights is marriage, its very telling that those that oppose us had to create DOMA's in states all across this country, it makes it very clear that they knew and still know that that is a right that we had all along, if it was not there would have never been a need to rewrite the law to exclude us from it. I am more determined then ever to achieve equality, for it is a crying same that man keeps the rights that god has bestowed upon all his creation from some of them, wither it be because of their race their skin color or sexual orientation we can not stand by and let such atrocity happen.

  6. Shame on you DepfoxNovember 5, 2009 at 5:47 PM


    I agree with everything you've written here, but I think Jay's video yesterday going after Davey Wavey was extremely petty and did not help the gay rights movement at all.

    I am usually a huge fan of you guys, but I have to say that that video seemed extremely whiny to me. Jay attacked Davey Wavey for not standing up for gays, but at the same time Jay bashed a fellow gay person for something as silly as having a comment deleted on youtube. Aren't there more important things to make a whole video about than Davey Wavey's lack of youtube manners (especially since our rights were just taken away)?

    As you admitted in this blog post, you and Jay made that video while in a "highly emotionally charged state." While I agree totally with the other videos you made yesterday, I think you need to apologize to Davey Wavey for going after him like that in anger without thinking about it first. The last thing we need in the gay community is fighting amongst ourselves while our rights are being taken away. Now is the time for unity.

  7. Hmmm... On the subject of rioting, Martin Luther King Jr. and Ghandi might argue the virtues of peaceful protest. There are ways to actively work hard for progress without violence.

    The primary way this battle will innevitably be won is through changing people's consciousness - how they understand LGBTQ people, issues, etc. The difficulty comes because like every great shift in world understanding, it requires the thinker to adjust how he or she understands himself/herself.

    I think the very existence of the Gay Family Values websites is the very essence of what is needed. Just showing the world that GBLTQ people can have perfectly normal, happy, healthy families is a good step in the right direction. Keep fighting the good fight!

  8. @shame on you depfox

    Taking the personal spat with DaveyWavey aside. A larger point got missed.

    There are lots of gay Youtubers with 30k+ audiences that did not make one video about any of the ballot measures anywhere. Could they not have said something...anything to help advance those causes? I dont consider raising this question as unfair. It needs to be addressed. We keep losing again and again not only because heterosexual society is apathetic about our rights but also because many in our own community are just as apathetic.

  9. The other anonymous posting folks that think Jay taking a swipe at DaveyWavey (a nelly wuss) miss the last point that DaveyWavey BLOCKED out Jay for Jay's fair comment. I'm with Jay and think DaveyWavey was over-the-top in blocking and deserved to be called on it. Good grief. It DID highlight an issue of gay apathy.

    ....but in the long run, I begrudgingly far as Jay leaving his comment (then retracting/expounding it a bit in the next day's vlog with an apology), the way this youtube/public media works best....I think if Jay'd calmly mentioned the scenario without making a big deal of DaveyWavey's apathy "Shame!!...", it would have had more impact. Just be Miranda from the 'Devil Wears Prada' - calmness has deeper power.

    One more off topic: Jay and Bry could read the frickin phone book they look so hot (even if they have little pot bellies from carbs and lack of exercise - I think they are 1,000 times sexier & bolder than the nelly maniquin DaveyWavey).

  10. I'm so angry, I can't think coherently, speak rationally. I feel like the Dark Side is whispering: give in to the Hate.

    I'm intolerant of even the slightest homophobic innuendo at work---snapping coworkers' heads off if I even suspect a possible slur or joke or insult.

    And yes, I'm especially intolerant of do-nothing Gay People still lying, still hiding and still helping the fanatic right to squash our rights! Get up off your lazy asses and help us win this fight!

    depfox! What you said to DaveyWavey was right on. Probably useless, but I agree with you completely.

    Yes---we're going to have to go to Court for our rights, apparently. But the courts cannot act, they can only react. We must take our cases to court, file lawsuits. Eventually, I see this going all the way to the Supreme Court. That's where the final battle will be.


  11. Hi Bryan,

    I do believe though that one decides to do or not do something from his/her best reasons. We all do what we think is best for us at the time. What good for one might not be good for others.

    Raising awareness is great but pointing fingers to specific folks, telling them what they should do, is an unfair thing to do, in my opinion. You never know what their real reason are. Who knows.. maybe there are things that you don't know of. And you might do actually do the same thing if you're really in their situations.

    What we can do is do our best in our own ways. I'm sure they're trying to do their best in their own way as well.

    Best for Thailand,

  12. I'm glad of the things you say and write. I feel the exact same way. You guys are much better at expressing how you feel than me.